Men's Mental Health (My ABC Radio Interview) #558

When Lachlan Stuart, founder of The Man That Can Project, graced our podcast with his presence, we didn't just chat; we unearthed the raw and compelling facets of men's mental health. Through his transformative narrative, he brings to light the essence of vulnerability and the monumental impact of community support. As a man who's walked through the fires of personal adversity, Lachlan exemplifies the journey from struggle to strength, and how sharing these experiences can forge better husbands, fathers, and individuals. 

This episode is a reservoir of practical advice, offering a roadmap for those navigating the rough seas of life's challenges. It's about the muscle we build through physical trials, like rowing marathon after marathon, and the courage we muster to ask for professional help when the weights of life become too heavy to lift alone. From the importance of self-awareness to the power of a strong support network, we dissect how men can articulate their emotions and establish a network where growth and healing aren't just possibilities—they're expectations. Listen for a conversation that doesn't just aim to move the needle on men's mental health but seeks to break the cycle and create a new narrative.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:51

Welcome back, gents. I have just arrived back in Nashville and on Monday I was on ABC Radio, interviewed by Rebecca Levingston, and it was an awesome chat. It's always a privilege to be able to speak with people with such large platforms, so being on the ABC was awesome. I managed to have a roughly 15 or so 20 minute interview talking about the man that Can Project and men's mental health, which is something that we're so focused on is giving you guys tools, resources and having conversations to help you improve your quality of life, and this episode is no different. So, just before we dive into the episode, I do want to remind you on Monday morning, the Iron Cowboy is on the show. So if you haven't heard of the Iron Cowboy, he originally, back in 2014, completed 50 full length Ironman in 50 days across 50 states of America. Then, in 2021, he did 101 Ironman consecutively. So really inspiring story about grit, mindset and community. That will be going live on Monday. But let's dive into my episode, or interview with Rebecca from ABC Radio.

Speaker 2: 2:06

ABC Radio Brisbane and Queensland. This is Rebecca Livingston On air and streaming on the ABC Listen app. When was the last time you had a decent, deep and meaningful chat with a man, or even between two blokes? Improving men's mental health is good for everyone, and one man who was on a mission to empower blokes through conversation on his podcast is Lachlan Stewart. It's all part of the man that Can Project. Hello, lachy.

Speaker 1: 2:39

Rebecca, thanks for having me on. I'm excited to be here.

Speaker 2: 2:42

What is the man that Can Project?

Speaker 1: 2:44

So we're a men's performance organization where we've really prioritized and focusing on helping men live inspired lives, and we've broken that down into frameworks to give men more certainty in the things that they can develop in order to be better husbands, better fathers, better men and just maximize what's available for them in life. So we started that in 2017 with men's groups, where we literally were bringing men from all walks of life together to have conversations and share challenges, and then it's continually evolved. After that, it's like, okay, well, we're now opening up and we're building relationships expressing vulnerability. What's continually evolved after that? It's like, okay, well, we're now opening up and we're building relationships expressing vulnerability. What's the next thing that we can do to help move people to where they want to get to?

Speaker 2: 3:22

What was the catalyst for it in the first place?

Speaker 1: 3:25

My own desire to learn and grow and fulfill some needs that I had in my own life. I finished rugby and I didn't know what was next for me. I felt if sport didn't work out and I never did well at school, I was going to be a failure and I didn't really like the idea of that. I felt like deep inside I had this idea that I could do something great, and I wasn't sure what that was. So being able to learn from men from all walks of life who were successful in their marriages, who were successful in business, who had great health or lifestyles and I wanted them to tell me not only what it took to be successful, but the sacrifices, maybe their conversations with their families or the heartache that they went through in order to do that, so I could make better decisions, because I felt like I was the only one who had the struggles. But then, when you start hearing from all walks of life, you realize it's a lot more common than you first thought.

Speaker 2: 4:15

And is that a big part of how you get other men to connect and relate, is that you're vulnerable in the first place. So take us to, I guess, if not the lowest point, but a point in your life where you were thinking I'm not really sure how to run with the ball here.

Speaker 1: 4:31

Yeah, so in 2000, or just before I met my wife, amy, was sort of the rock bottom moment, as I call it. It's like you're either going to stay down here and life's sort of done. And I did have moments where I didn't want to wake up and the fact that I knew I had a great family, I went to a great school. I was like I've got to really find a way out of this and I had a good support network around me at the time. I had just met Amy and I was like I want to be better. And then I'd also had a mate who gave me a book of all things I'd never really read but for whatever reason, I read the book and it changed my life. And that book was the Four Agreements and it was more so the fact that one. I was proud I read the book and there's a few simple best. And from that I started learning and I started using social media Instagram to share the things that I was learning.

Speaker 1: 5:22

I was excited that I was changing and I was challenging beliefs and just doing things that I didn't think a bloke like me was capable of. I never excelled at speaking. My mom always says I mumbled a lot. I was very angry. My response to criticism or anything was alcohol or aggression. And when I started realizing that that could change, I was genuinely excited. So I was like this is my journey.

Speaker 1: 5:47

And as a result of that, I had people messaging me and they're like how have you done that?

Speaker 1: 5:51

Or some ladies were like oh, you need to talk to my husband or my partner. I was like cool, and eventually I got to this crossroads where I didn't want to continue in the career that I was doing at the time, which was building, and I wanted to be able to have a flexible career so I could travel with Amy. And as a result of that, and I was like well, I love helping people and it's what I am doing for myself anyway, so I'm just practicing what I preach, and that sort of evolved and it created a space or a place for other men to go oh, man, bucky's been through that or I've been through this. And we just shared experiences and really opened up avenues for more men to start communicating and putting their own thoughts into, I guess, structure, because a lot of men really struggle with being able to articulate how they're feeling or what they're going through, so they bottle it up until they just erupt. So being able to help them understand that and make sense of it then allows the next steps to happen.

Speaker 2: 6:46

Lachlan Stewart, the man that can project on ABC Radio Brisbane and Queensland. My name is Rebecca Levingston, so Lachy, that's a big shift from alcohol, angry, not really knowing how to express yourself, to be impeccable with your word. What specific practical strategies did you put into place? Because I get the conversations, but how do you actually commit to that?

Speaker 1: 7:12

A lot of it is journaling and as a bloke. When people say journaling, you're like no, that's really spiritual, you need to go do some yoga. But for me, the practice of journaling just allowed me to unpack what was going on in my head. So if I was struggling with something or if I could not explain it, I'd write it down and I'd be like that's not quite what I mean. So let's play around with some more words or really structure it and give meaning to it. And when I did that, I was able to feel more certain and more confident in what I wanted to say or how I wanted to express myself. And when you become confident and certain, a lot of the overwhelm disappears and you really start to feel like you have value and you have purpose. And from that it just leads from one step to the other. So the practical step and it does sound quite easy is literally just start brain-dumbing, writing down, and people get stuck with the whole what do I journal? Do I need to say Dear Diary, or whatever it is? But it could literally be.

Speaker 1: 8:04

There's some days, even to this day, where I might have nothing to write. So I'll just start with the date and I'll start it and then some days I'll have an awesome brain dump. Other days it's just literally like this is what I'm doing today, but it just is really unpacking and making sense of what's going on in your head, because if you just leave it up there, it's like throwing in so much information. We listen. We've got social media, people are listening to this. Now, we're constantly consuming. It'd be like throwing all your favorite ingredients into a blender plus some stuff that you don't want to be in there, turning it on and trying to like pull out an apple. It's not possible unless you turn it off and slow things down.

Speaker 2: 8:39

I love that you journal because I think as well to make a sort of a gender stereotype. I think a lot of women, right, a lot of women, I think more so, keep gratitude journals. You don't hear blokes talking about it so much In your builder rugby circles. How did your mates and acquaintances respond to some of the changes that I guess they started to see in you?

Speaker 1: 9:04

It definitely challenged them and that was one of the hardest parts. If I didn't have Amy there to support me, I probably would have gone back to the same poor behaviors in the way that I was living my life. But because I really wanted to change, because I had Facebook pages made about me where people were just, I had a hashtag in the beginning called unrestricted living, because I wanted to create this awesome life and people didn't quite like that. But knowing what I know now is more so the change of how I used to show up in their life, like I was the guy that would party with them. I'd always be there on a Friday, saturday, sunday, whenever they needed me.

Speaker 1: 9:38

But now all of a sudden, I'm not doing that. I'm putting some boundaries in my life so I can create better things, and that's uncomfortable for everyone as much as it was for me. It's also you know, I experience it now where you sort of grow apart from friends, and it's not because anyone's better or worse, it's just we want different things and that's completely okay. And I think, because people are so uncomfortable with change, that challenges people and you do what you know find a way to make yourself feel comfortable. So you're like I'll bring them back down to my level or I'll make them feel bad about it. So hopefully I get the Lockie back that I know and I love.

Speaker 2: 10:13

Sport has remained an important part of your life, but more so marathons, is it?

Speaker 1: 10:20

Is it running? It's running or is it rowing?

Speaker 2: 10:23

I mean, how do I keep up with? I've got here 30 marathons in 30 days. What did?

Speaker 1: 10:28

you do Decided to row 30 marathons in 30 days. Amy was jetting off to Nashville, so I was like I've got a whole month by myself. What can we do to bring the community together but also get to challenge myself? Because one of my, I guess, things that I love is you learn a lot from sport, whether it's team or individual. You can learn a lot about your mindset. You've got a plan, You've got to train. Things go wrong All things that happen in life and so by doing this, I was like let's put this out to the community.

Speaker 1: 10:55

We'll get people together and people can do whatever distance they'd like. So we had some guys or some people, we had men and women joining, people who were doing their first five kilometers or two kilometers, or Amy rode a marathon. People were doing all these kinds of things and the breakthroughs that they had was incredible. But they then also got to go oh, next time I'd probably train a little bit more, or I got blisters on my hand, so I'd probably tape my hands up. So they were learning these things and the hidden message in that was like hey, that's life. If you're setting a goal, something that you would love to achieve, you have to create a plan. Plan will change. Probably things will go wrong. You need good people around you, but if you can start to learn that when you are faced with adversity or when you do want to grow, you know you've got these key foundations that you can build upon the man that can project.

Speaker 2: 11:42

you are listening to Lachlan Stewart and he got a plan and life has changed. He has gone from a time and a space where perhaps he didn't like himself too much to being very much in love with Amy Shepard, his wife. You hear him mention. You've probably heard her music. This is ABC Radio Brisbane. My name is Rebecca Levingston, so let's go to some of the specific podcast episodes Overcoming heartbreak as a man, how to stop overthinking, how to make friends when you're over 30. I mean, these are just great tools for life. Who do you talk to and how do you navigate those challenges?

Speaker 1: 12:24

Yeah, I think the journey's unique to everyone. I feel you know there's times where you'll need professional help psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors to navigate a lot of those things. But then there's also times where you can just lean on your buddies, depending on where everyone's at. And once again, that's why I think it's really important for us, as men and as individuals, to be self-aware and have a good understanding of how we're feeling emotionally, have some, I guess, checkpoints to be like. I can't handle this by myself. I do need some people. But if we were to then move over to if I'm overthinking, is it chronic or is it, you know, is it short or has it been going on for a long time? And if it is long time, you probably do really need some support and some help with that, to navigate that, because no one wants to be overwhelmed all the time or overthinking. And once again, that's where, looking at the whole yin and yang approach, if we bring it back to health and fitness, it's like when you're building a career or raising a family or doing anything that requires you to do something new, you will overthink because you're trying to piece together a brand new puzzle. So if you know you're doing that, you also need to balance it out with some time where you can just sort of sit, reflect and ease along. Same with relationships, it's one of the biggest reasons why men will join our program is a relationship breakdown, and everyone's trying to do the best that we can with the information that we have.

Speaker 1: 13:42

A relationship breakdown puts you in a position where your biggest support system is generally gone and you're like oh bugger, what do I do here now? I don't know how to navigate what I'm feeling. We haven't grown up and this is a stereotype but to express or understand how we process emotion. So it's overwhelming, it feels horrible. The only way we generally know how to deal with that is through alcohol. It's numbing that pain, but alcohol is a depressant. So while it may help you feel good for a couple of hours, the next day you feel worse.

Speaker 1: 14:16

And so if we don't pull ourselves out of that rut or if we don't have a good support network to help be like hey, lucky, I've noticed that you're drinking a little bit much since you split up with Amy, for example. Not that we have, but we maybe need to talk to someone or come hang out with us, let's go for a walk. It's why we, instead of catching up with our mates for beers and stuff like that, it's like let's go for a hike or go for a run or go for a sauna, like there's so many alternatives that can add more value to your life. And I'm not saying that going for a beer or wine don't, because I do enjoy that. There's definitely benefits. But if you're sort of in a tough position, it's when you sort of need to start thinking about the decisions and the impacts of that.

Speaker 2: 14:54

What about Lachlan? You know there may be a bloke in particular who's listening tonight and your words are resonating with him. I know there will be partners, parents, maybe even children or mates of blokes who they would love to open up a bit more and maybe make some different choices. What's your advice to blokes who are feeling things and just can't figure out how to get it out and, as you say, it is that bottleneck internally?

Speaker 1: 15:28

It's a great question. If you don't have support around you where you feel comfortable doing that, I would once again go back to the journal or even filming. I've found and this is really weird, but found filming myself to be a great tool because I can just express myself how I am and then if I want to watch back or for feedback or go see professional help, if you do have friends or family that you feel comfortable opening up to reach out to them and start that conversation, and how you could start that could be, for example, to Amy. It's like I've been stressed out the last couple of weeks. This is why I'm feeling stressed. I'm noticing my mood become more anxious or I'm snapping, and that's not how I want to treat you or how I feel like doing that. And right now all I'm looking to do is vent or all I'm looking for is some feedback, state what you would like from the individual. But also, I guess, another point to note with that is a lot of ladies will reach out to me and say I just wish my husband would open up to me or do whatever it is, and I've also had a lot of feedback from men. When they have actually opened up, they've caught their partner or wife off guard and they've shut them down again. So it's sort of not ruined I wouldn't say ruined, but it's closed that door for the moment. So make sure that you set the environment up to have those conversations.

Speaker 1: 16:49

A lot of people come home from work and just unload where it's like hey, amy, do you mind if we have 10 minutes tonight where I can you know, maybe having a glass of red or having a cup of tea, and I can just, you know, unload what I've been stressed about today, or vice versa, if you notice your partner's feeling the same way.

Speaker 2: 17:05

Not at a time where, perhaps you know, mum's trying to put the kids to bed or find the other shoe to go to athletics or whatever.

Speaker 1: 17:13

Yeah, that makes total practical sense.

Speaker 2: 17:16

You have done over 550 podcast episodes. Now have you had feedback from people where they've said you have really changed my life.

Speaker 1: 17:28

Yeah, it's quite nice to hear that because, as you probably experience here, you don't always get the feedback or know what people are going through when they're listening to it.

Speaker 1: 17:37

But whether they'll come to a workshop or they'll shoot you a message on Instagram, and even if it's a wife of someone who's listened to it, it's a really cool feeling to know that just words that are coming out of my mouth, from experiences that I've had or things that I've understood, have had a potential impact on people's lives. But I truly believe that by listening to people's experiences, it's not always advice or perspective that maybe resonates, but you can start piecing together information to improve your own life and it helps you realize and recognize that you're not alone. Everyone's going through stuff, and some people's stories are able to provide you with tools to better improve your own life or trigger a thought. And we don't have children yet, but we've got a men's group, like a dad's group in our community that are always doing dad's chats, and I'm still jumping on there because I'm like one day I'll have kids. So I might as well start being prepared for what could potentially happen, and I just think the power of conversation is so undervalued.

Speaker 2: 18:41

I wish you every success with this, because so many of the big challenges that we have in society around men's mental health in particular suicide, domestic violence, I mean so much of what you're touching on here feeds in to those relationships which we need to be strong and healthy, and perhaps that strength is really so much more about vulnerability. Good on you, lockie. It's so good to hear the avenues you are opening up and congratulations.

Speaker 1: 19:11

Thank you very much and I think a final message is for the men who are looking for support as well, as if you don't resonate with my message. There are so many other men's groups or opportunities available and I think it's really important to find what you resonate with and use that as a path or a vehicle to be the best version of yourself Because, to your point, like the suicide, domestic violence and stuff, a lot of helping you become more aware of your emotions and your thoughts and feelings and behaviors can be improved by being around the right people and environment.

Speaker 2: 19:44

So well said. Thank you, mate.

Speaker 1: 19:45

Thank you.

Speaker 2: 19:46

Lachlan Stewart, the man that Can Project. You can check him out online.