Confidence and Learning from Failure w Christian Dyer #551

In this conversation, Christian Dyer, a professional rugby player, shares his journey of discovering his passion for rugby and overcoming challenges to achieve his dreams. He emphasises the importance of setting goals, taking action, and learning from failure.

Christian also discusses the significance of living a life based on values and exploring other passions beyond rugby. He encourages listeners to be the person that others want to be around and make a positive impact in their lives.

Mentioned On Today's Show:
🤝 Set goals and take action to achieve your dreams.
🤝 Learn from failure and use setbacks as opportunities for growth.
🤝 Live a life based on your values and explore other passions.
🤝 Be the person that others want to be around and make a positive impact in their lives.

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Transcript

Lachlan Stuart: 0:51

Today on the show we've got Christian Dyer. Christian is a professional and international rugby player, but he's not just that. We were just having a conversation about this that it's very easy to get put in a box and that becomes pretty much your whole identity. And one thing that you're portraying well and I guess also navigating well, christian, is who else you are outside of that and showing the audience, because you know, as I'm well aware of your, well aware of sport has a timeline and you're setting up yourself up for a big, abundant life. So, dude, thanks for joining me. Man, thanks for having me. I'm stoked to be here. Do you have a big day? Training today? Today, the day off?

Christian Dyer: 1:31

No, so today we had, yeah, basically a triple day. We're still pre-season, so we got one more week scrimmage this weekend. But today was gym session, then a unit session on the field, a little lunchtime break with the boys and then we're back on the field for a team training session. So full day.

Lachlan Stuart: 1:49

Yeah, nice, and I stumbled across you on social media and I cannot remember how, but I then started listening to your podcast, the Chase, and you're really trying to aim to inspire people to chase their dream. Has rugby always been your dream?

Christian Dyer: 2:04

Absolutely not. I never even wanted to play. Yeah, no, I know it's funny and you probably look at me now and you think you know I was just this kid growing up that wanted to play professional sport. But growing up I really had no interest in being an athlete.

Christian Dyer: 2:20

Later in life, after college, grew up in Sacramento, california, and you know sport was obviously a big part of my life but it wasn't where I wanted to end up. I didn't want to play college sports, I was just playing it because I loved it. I loved the camaraderie, the freedom and the ability to to compete on a day-to-day basis. I was originally going to go to either the West Point or Naval Academy so for those that aren't familiar, that's either the Army version of college or the Naval version of college and, having a military father, that was kind of set in stone. But then rugby started to become pretty predominant in my life and I traveled over to Europe when I was a young kid and that opened my eyes to other parts of the world and really the realities and the opportunities that rugby could provide for me in my life and I think I was all in in that point. So yeah, it wasn't the dream, but it. It then became a dream once I kind of got to college.

Lachlan Stuart: 3:13

Because this rugby, like rugby, is obviously a rapidly growing sport over here and the talent of people like yourself and the athletes is just phenomenal over in obviously back in Australia as well, but I've met a lot of incredible athletes here. What was it like from a competitive standpoint? Obviously, week in, week out, fighting for the position. What gave you the drive to pursue it at that a late level?

Christian Dyer: 3:36

Well, it first started with the fear of failure. Growing up it felt like I was always written off as a kid. You know, I came from a pretty privileged family and upbringing and I'm so fortunate that I was. We had a comfortable living but I was, you know, I tell the story. I was the shortest kid in my eighth grade class and that's both boys and girls and I wasn't the fastest, I wasn't the strongest and it just felt like everybody was right me off and no one really thought I'd be the best on the team where I could take it to the highest level. And and that really instilled in me this drive to just prove people wrong and show them that I am what I say can be, and that drove me to to extents growing up where I was in the gym on Friday nights when people are partying and I was always the DD saying no to some of the fun things.

Christian Dyer: 4:22

But as I, as I grew up and as I matured and allowed all that hard work to pay off, I started to be in the position that I always thought I could be and always wanted to be, but people never really saw me in that position and once I kind of reached the point of going professional and then international, I realized that I'm at the spot that always you know, not always but started a dream of and I was like all right. Now it's about using my platform and in this, this opportunity, to inspire that next kid who was written off and to be that light in someone else's life. And so the way I portray myself, both on and off the field, I hope can just be an inspiration to whether you're an athlete or someone in the stands or someone watching a game or just a everyday person in life, whatever career path that the energy that I, that I show in my life and on the field, can be an inspiration to them.

Lachlan Stuart: 5:10

You could have easily gone two ways, though. Right, when people write you off, you can either listen to the, the noise of everyone else, where it's like now he's never going to amount to anything and you can just accept that and that's. You know. That's the rest of your life. What was it do you feel within you that decided you wanted to prove people wrong and really make something of yourself?

Christian Dyer: 5:30

I think from an early age, I was surrounded by a lot, a lot of high, high performing people and people that are doing some incredible things in this world, and I always wanted to be able to serve others and inspire others and and be a change in this world for the better, and so that hunger is what initially drove me to keep going and to take that route, rather than the route of just being complacent and and feeling whatever I was feeling at that point, and so I just had this go get it mentality that I wasn't going to allow outside opinions and influences to tear me from the route that I wanted to go down.

Lachlan Stuart: 6:01

Solid man, a good mate of mine as well. There's not too many people because I didn't go up stupid with a lot For me, like I had a great family and I had good access to sport, like that's what I would say would be why I guess gift or level up in the world. And I believe everyone has something. And a lot of people look at finances like if I don't have the finances or the needs behind me, then my life screwed.

Lachlan Stuart: 6:25

But it's like everyone, based on their parents and how they're showing up, gets goods and bads right and it's what we do with that that allows us to create the life, but it's not limited to that and one of my buddies, his family extremely wealthy and speaks a lot about money and for him he's just like and I never realized that people didn't understand this or didn't understand that and I often catch myself thinking about that with health because I'm like it's something I've always understood and always been around.

Lachlan Stuart: 6:56

So when I see people missing the idea of what a healthy diet is, or looking after your recovery and all that sort of stuff, I'm like that's so odd to me. Yeah, and when I start speaking to people like yourself, literally the second person I've probably ever spoken to on the podium is like yeah, man, I had a awesome upbringing. Plenty of opportunity is that. It doesn't matter what you've got. You still have your own challenges. As you said, you were in grade eight shorter than everyone and people were writing you off, so you still had your own mountain decline and the fact that you chose to do that is very inspiring. I appreciate that, man.

Christian Dyer: 7:32

I mean at the end of the day, like whether you have a massive home or you have a small home, or you live in the best part of town or you live in the worst part of town, like you're still going to go home, sit on the couch or get in bed and you're still going to have your thoughts.

Christian Dyer: 7:45

And those thoughts are constant and consistent, in whatever capacity, and it doesn't matter who you are.

Christian Dyer: 7:51

And so if you're not happy on the inside, regardless of the circumstances and the material things in your life, then you lose.

Christian Dyer: 7:58

And so I realized from a young age, like I figured out, what in life makes me happy and what in life gives me the energy to continue, day in and day out, to go for the goals, and a lot of it is just living a lifestyle based on my values, and those five values have been very solid and consistent in my life, and that's spending time with family and friends, living a healthy lifestyle, competing, which is why rugby is so paramount in my life right now, and when it's out of my life I'll figure out another route that I can go compete, waking up every day with an opportunity to change someone else's life and then doing hard things, which is why, when I tore a ligament in my wrist, you know I went for a marathon.

Christian Dyer: 8:35

So it's like understanding what in my life I value and then doing my best every single day to just fill that value cup in those five, you know, five cups like just a little bit each and every day. And I think when you start to understand what in life you value and you live a life based on those values, that's when you genuinely can be on that path to fulfillment.

Lachlan Stuart: 8:56

Let's talk about that, that pivot. So you tore a ligament in your wrist and you decided to do a marathon. How did that come to be Like? What made you decide, instead of just doing recovery and waiting, why did you decide to do that marathon?

Christian Dyer: 9:10

Well, I probably have a couple of screws loose in my head and I think I'm at the point where I've accepted that I'm kind of obsessed or addicted to the feeling of pain and challenge. But when I tore the ligament, which was September 17th of last year playing Toulouse, and I knew rugby was going to be out of my life for about four months, so I missed an international tour to Spain, which I was gutted for. But I just knew I couldn't just sit there and do a bit of recovery every day and then kind of sit on my ass on the couch and just I don't know, not have something that is truly in my life that I'm working towards. So I've never ran a marathon in my life and I have so many people in my close circle that do it and they rave about the benefits of it I was like, yeah, you know, let's go for it. It's challenging, it's something that's completely out of my element and it's going to require a completely different energy system that I'm used to with playing rugby.

Christian Dyer: 10:05

But I think the challenge in that unknown was something that I was excited for and just to get out of my comfort zone and try something else. And the really cool thing about that entire experience is when you go for, you know, a marathon or some really high level physical achievement, your entire lifestyle is going to have to cater towards that If you really even want a fighting chance of finishing or, you know, scoring with whatever it's a good time or whatever event you're doing. And so I started thinking about going to bed earlier on Friday nights and really what I'm putting into my body. And then I realized like when you have that lifestyle dream, that big goal in mind, like everything in your life has to revolve around it, and I think learning that through the marathon is now going to stick with me my entire life, understanding that your entire lifestyle has to kind of surround and align with the goal that you're trying to achieve.

Lachlan Stuart: 10:58

That's such a good reminder. I'm a big believer in that as well. You know we. I think one of the most undervalued skills to develop is goal setting in itself.

Lachlan Stuart: 11:06

A lot of people like the idea of achieving something but it doesn't. It's not consistent enough or showing up frequently enough in what they do daily for them to make any progress. And when I look at it like that, if someone doesn't have to do something daily to achieve a goal so use the marathon as an example you have to do something every day to achieve a marathon, like whether it's getting K's in, eating well, going to bed on time, it's all adding up to the big day. If someone says I only need to do XYZ, you know three tasks to achieve it, I'm like, well, it's not a 12-week goal or it's not a two-year goal. That's like let's just do that this weekend. Like, yeah, just want your timeframe so that you can condense it and get the outcome and then move on to the next thing.

Lachlan Stuart: 11:49

And it I get frustrated with how many people don't know how to set a goal, and it's also one of the things that I aim to help people do is really just nail that skill, because it does deliver the outcomes that you want for your life, and probably to the point of your podcast. Like chasing the dream, the dream is not anything until you action it with a plan right and you really put it down. And everyone has dreams, everyone wants more from their life. It's just the daunting part of how do I get there, or what if I'm not good enough, and that sort of then develops the next steps For you, with the marathon being a completely different sport, a completely different energy system, as you alluded to. Where did the confidence come from, knowing that you could complete it?

Christian Dyer: 12:37

Definitely internal. I've always had a confidence level that's, I'd say, superior to most people, and then, at the end of the day, I'm a firm believer that confidence comes from doing the things that you say you're going to do. And so, when it comes to a marathon prep, I nailed my training program. I didn't compromise trainings and runs that I knew I needed to do just because I didn't feel like doing them those days. And I think that's the most important piece of it is, I really locked in for 10 weeks and everything in my life was really, really driven towards race day, december 10. I said no to a lot more things than I said yes to, and people think it's like sacrifices, which I don't like using that word when you're chasing these goals, because everything in life is a choice. So I made the choice on, you know, friday and Saturday nights, to stay in, to go to bed early and to put alcohol on the side during this 10 week prep. And so I just, I really just stuck to the basics and I believed in myself and I trained my ass off and in come race day. I wasn't too concerned about the time I was going to get when I finished. I just knew I wanted to not walk one single step on that race and just finish it strong. And that's the thing and something I wanted to talk to you about.

Christian Dyer: 13:53

And as we were talking about the goal setting is something I learned is like your goal always has to be a little bigger than just the outcome and you also have to start thinking about what's next. Because studies have even shown right, like once you reach that goal, your dopamine levels are kind of tapped out. You get this constant rush of dopamine each milestone closer and closer to the goal. But like once I ran the marathon and it was done and that next week, when I didn't have this training program that I had to adhere to, I was kind of sitting there like geez, I'm a little burnt out because I didn't know what was next.

Christian Dyer: 14:25

Now I knew rugby season was about a month and a half away, but I should have been smarter about using the marathon more so of a lifestyle goal rather than just this singular outcome. And I think that's where goals kind of we kind of get it wrong is. We put so much pressure on ourselves to achieve one single thing, one outcome, and then when we're done, we're sitting there like what's next. So it's continually evolving goals and allowing one goal to be the, that platform and that foundation for the next one. And the next one needs to be even harder to achieve and more challenging.

Lachlan Stuart: 14:58

Oh man, very well said. I believe every goal is a stepping stone to the next, and one that I like to talk about especially. For me, one of the biggest goals post rugby was making a million dollars. And because I didn't know I didn't have much purpose to know what it was, but I was like a million dollars seems like a cool goal. Right, I believed it up, improve my confidence. I believe he would get rid of financial stress.

Lachlan Stuart: 15:20

All of that and what I realized when I started networking with or hanging around millionaires and all of that sort of stuff a lot of them had sacrificed other areas of their life. There were 40 pounds overweight on their fourth marriage, you know, didn't have any hobbies outside of work. And I was observing this and I was like, okay, I still want to make a million dollars, but I don't want to sacrifice that, I don't want to be on my fourth wife and I want to have some hobbies and some mates. Come along with me, yeah, so to your point of the stepping stones or building those foundations, I have an idea right Of where I want to be, and people call it a vision or a mission or whatever you want to call it. I just call it like that's just a projection, it could change, I don't really mind. So in order to do that, I now work back and it's like, okay, well, these are some skills that I need to develop.

Lachlan Stuart: 16:05

So some of my goals are skill based, some of them are getting around the right people base. Some of them are health based. Some of them are relationship based, but I never neglect certain areas. So if I'm doing like four back to back business goals, I better make sure that I'm fucking improving my relationship. I better be improving my health just as much, because when you get to the top, you don't want to have left people behind. You don't want to have left your health at the bottom in order to achieve that.

Lachlan Stuart: 16:32

So when you finish a goal, you know what's coming next. It's very easy because, like, this was just level one of getting to level 10. Now that I've got this skill, or I've grown my mindset or I've built my aerobic capacity whatever it is is phase two. Let's build on that, let's add on that and that's to your point. A lot of people really. I think that just one goal's enough. I think maybe that's why six week challenges or 12 week challenges are awesome for the time that they exist, but then people just go back to the same habits they had prior and it's like you're changing your habits, you're changing your identity. That's the whole point of a goal.

Christian Dyer: 17:12

Yeah, we're creatures of habit, and something that I love that you just touched on is you have goals in multiple areas of your life, and whether that's the health and fitness goal, whether that's the relationship goal, and then you have your personal goals. You have your career, professional goals, like it's so important to have this all-encompassing lifestyle that you're trying to achieve. So you don't compromise one for the other and you don't put one on the back burner. So when you get to achieving one goal, you're not sitting there with regret that you neglected so many other aspects of your life, and then you're playing catch up for the remaining time.

Lachlan Stuart: 18:45

Yep, it's a very good position to be in. That probably brings us back to where you're at now. So obviously you're playing professionally and internationally. Yep, so from I guess, living your dream. You're doing that, but you're also looking to build in other areas as well. When was it for you that you became aware of that you were more than just a rugby player.

Christian Dyer: 19:09

I'd say it was after the prep for Tokyo 2021, where that entire year was so rugby focused, where I never enjoyed anything else outside of it. But then it got to a point where rugby became such a job and it influenced other parts of my life where, if I had a bad practice or a bad game, that started to influence my happiness off the field and my relationship with other people and my approach to life outside of the sport. And so I started working with a sports psychologist when I left the 7th version of rugby and went back to 15s full time and we really started unpacking why I'm thinking the way I'm thinking and why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling towards both life and sport, and started to unpack and all these things and a lot of it comes from your childhood, in the way that you were brought up, and that's not to say that my childhood was bad or anything. It was just the pressure that I put on myself from wanting to be someone so badly that I allowed performance and outcomes to dictate who I was and how I felt.

Christian Dyer: 20:11

So we really spent just over a year and a half just dissecting all this and working through it and I started to realize life is just full of opportunities and I'm not going to allow one single thing in my life to determine how I feel and how I think and my confidence and my vibe as a person.

Christian Dyer: 20:28

And that took so much pressure off myself from allowing what I do for a living to become my identity. And from that moment I started exploring other things in my life that gave me passion and gave me energy, and it came to a point where I found content creation social media and having my own podcast is one of those pillars in my life, that I've built this incredible platform through sport, that I can start using that to my advantage and sharing my message and sharing inspiration to other people in this world. And as that started unfolding, then I started working with an agency, then I had a manager, then I the network started exploding, then I started to go to all these events and that just opened my eyes to the world and it just took me being vulnerable, saying yes to working with a sports psychologist to now. I live a life with so much more freedom and autonomy and passion for other avenues that I never would have explored or had in my life had I not taken that step to start understanding why I think the way I think.

Lachlan Stuart: 21:26

Such a cool thing Like I literally just started with one decision and for most people listening as well. If you aren't comfortable in exploring your own thoughts or you feel like you wouldn't necessarily have a good relationship with yourself, that is the best place to start and I guess the starting point is one seek professional health to start. I'm a big believer in writing because I learn a lot about myself, my thoughts. It's through writing. But they're just great places to start and sometimes you're going to have conversations with yourself that you don't enjoy. You're going to have to accept parts about yourself or maybe things that you've done in the past that you don't appreciate. But that's just part of the journey and we're looking to learn and grow, but that's okay.

Christian Dyer: 22:12

The listeners need to understand that there's going to be so many bad days in your life, and that's just part of life. And the other thing that I hope people start to understand is, like you, me, everyone listening we're all going through life for the very first time, and so we're going to get it wrong, and so you must give yourself grace in moments of doubt and moments of failure, because that's just part of life, and the only thing we can do is just understand why that happened and use failure and setbacks as data to drive better decisions in the future.

Lachlan Stuart: 22:42

You're at the top of the game in rugby and for you to then venture out, you're going to experience failure. As you said, we're doing this for the first time in life. We're learning new skills, we're having new experiences for the first time, and you cannot do that without failure. Has there been part of your ego or your identity where you feared that, and it's maybe led to not taking decisions or actions as a result?

Christian Dyer: 23:08

Yeah, 100% Like that.

Christian Dyer: 23:10

One year, when I was trying to go for the Olympics, I viewed every single second of practice, every single minute of a game as this do or die moment of if I play well, I'm going to the Olympics and if I play poorly, I'm not going to the Olympics.

Christian Dyer: 23:26

Just by thinking that way, it took me down to a path where I wasn't performing at my best, never, never at my best during that year of Olympic prep, and allowing the outcome to dictate my thoughts was so detrimental.

Christian Dyer: 23:40

I just started to understand the importance of the journey and the process and taking each and every day and each and every training session as just this opportunity to learn something, to get it wrong or to get it right, and then to use that as fuel for the next day. Just building blocks after building blocks, and compounded over time, is where you actually see real growth. Now I'm at a point where I'm confident to fail. I'm confident to get it wrong and I'm confident to take risks, because I know that I put the hard work in during the days leading up to those matches, which gives me the confidence to go for it. Sometimes I make it and sometimes I miss it, but every time just an opportunity to learn and get better. The more freedom I give myself and the more confidence I have which just comes from the preparation and doing the things that I say I'm going to do takes away all that pressure.

Lachlan Stuart: 24:28

I think it sounds very simple, dude, I love your approach to.

Lachlan Stuart: 24:32

I didn't learn it myself. Well, you've learned it. That's the main thing, though, right? Yep, I think a lot of people maybe find themselves in a position where they don't believe they can change, and how they think, how they act and how they behave is set in stone. If you're listening to this and you're in that position there's two people sitting here but you've probably listened to heaps of episodes where, the moment that you become aware that you can change, you start challenging those beliefs or those actions or those behaviors, then you'll start noticing different outcomes. As Christian said, once he started doing more of what he said he was going to do, his confidence built and that just trickled into or positively influenced other areas of his life. It doesn't need to be rocket science, it doesn't need to be over complicated, and it can literally just start with keeping your word to yourself.

Christian Dyer: 25:21

It's an understanding that where you are today is not where you're going to be at tomorrow. We're in a week or in a month or a year. It's this optimistic outlook and sometimes you have to be naive with it and see the dream that no one else can see happen or nobody thinks it's a reality. Our brain doesn't know the difference between what is and what it isn't right Reality in a false sense. Reality is really what we believe in. Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right.

Christian Dyer: 25:50

You have to go through so many failures to start getting it right, and I think people need to be more confident to get it wrong because, as I've learned through a lot of trial and error, people think less of what you do wrong than you think. Nobody's really stressing or nobody's really sitting on the couch that night. If you mess up thinking about oh, he did this wrong or he missed this past, they think about it in the moment and then they move on. Give yourself grace. When times of doubt or in times where you get it wrong, just be like all right, that was. Then let's focus on what's next.

Lachlan Stuart: 26:21

Eventually, think about the biggest thing that you've seen on the news lately. If anyone watches it and I guarantee you in a week's time no one gives a shit. Oh yeah, oh yeah. So all the moments that you're not taking those risks or you're not stepping into the failure that you could be learning from is you're missing out on the compound effect. That's one of the biggest things that I think about.

Lachlan Stuart: 26:45

Even when I retired from footy at such a young age, I was like this down on so much life experience because I was worried about the failure that I'd had and who I was as a person. And it's like the compound effect doesn't just work for money. It worked skill development, relationships and if you want to be in a good position, you need to be stacking those wins, you need to be in losses, you need to be putting it all together and learning from it. And the person who says is the best out of anyone. That's resonated well with me is Jesse Itzler, where he's just like you're building a life resume and you need to be having those new experiences good, bad or indifferent and insist that's going to be what you're going to be able to look back on to overcome future challenges or look back on when you're having to be able to make reminiscing a life.

Christian Dyer: 27:30

Yeah, now, jesse's awesome. It's like say you don't take the risk today. Well then, in a month or a year or whatever it is, you're going to look back with regret, wishing you took that step. And that's kind of how I'm looking at life right now is areas in my life that I'm not super confident in, like I'm at least going to give myself that opportunity to tap into that world, because I know in the future I'll look back on myself today and be like come on, christian, why didn't you at least try? And that regret is a feeling that you never, ever can get, you know, take away. And so, yeah, it's just that fear of like looking back and not doing something that I at least wanted to do really fuels me.

Lachlan Stuart: 28:08

What are you currently working on? So, you did mention a little bit before about content creation, but as a person and as a man, what are some things that you're personally working through at the moment?

Christian Dyer: 28:18

Yeah, I mean, if I were to give you the big rocks at first. It's the theme that I think about when it comes to rugby is be the player that everyone wants to play with, because I think that's probably one of the biggest signs of respect that you can get as an athlete is teams, other teams that you play, other players from maybe it's both in the MLR in the US or around the world like wants to share their field with me. That's something that I'm striving towards as just an athlete. And then off the field, it's like how can I become the best son to my mom and dad, the best brother to my brother and sister, the best inspiration to the kid that's trying to play sport at a high level? And then, if we get a little more, you know specific.

Christian Dyer: 28:54

Obviously, I have my podcast, the Chase, which at first was just this opportunity to inspire people, but now it's so much of an outlet to learn from people that are doing incredible things in this world and to share those messages with as many people as possible. Obviously, health and wellness is a massive component of my life. So sharing with people the things that I'm doing on a day to day basis that give me the energy and make me feel my best. I'm going to start tapping into creating like a ebook of how I train in the off season to start sharing that knowledge with aspiring athletes, give them like an inside look into what an actual professional athlete does in the off season to get ready for the season. And then it's a bunch of this. It's networking, it's having conversations, it's going to events with just people that share similar values with me, trying to create meaningful experiences and take away as much knowledge and experiences as I possibly can.

Lachlan Stuart: 29:47

How have you learned to be so disciplined or focused on being led by your values? People throw values around a lot and some people listening to this may not know values or their own personal values. There's definitely episodes on that throughout the catalogue. But for those who do, but maybe struggle with the ability to say no to, whether it's poor influences or people or experiences that are moving them away from their values, why do you feel you've been so consistent with being led by the values?

Christian Dyer: 30:19

I think, growing up having my dad as my best friend and as an inspiration and mentor to me, I never really understood it in theory or put it into words that I live a life by values. But I watched him live his life and his dedication to his craft, his work, his business, his family, his relationships and how he interacted with us on a day to day basis is something that I always aspire to be like one day, and I wanted to absorb as much knowledge from him as possible. And then, as I've grown older and I started to listen to books or listen to podcasts and read books, ed Milet and Dr John DiMartini really put it into words for me and gave me the understanding of what living a life based on your values truly is. So then I started going down the path and it took a lot of time and a lot of journaling and notebook and of, like, what in life do I really value?

Christian Dyer: 31:09

And typically an easy way to kind of describe it is if a mother goes into a mall and she has a newborn like, the first store she's going to go into is probably a child store to get that baby clothes or whatever. It may be right, because that's what she truly values in the life right now. So if you kind of take a third person perspective and you start looking at your life of like where are you spending your money and in what situations are you super happy, gives you energy, kind of gives you this high on life then you can start to understand the people that you want to surround yourself, the activities that you're doing, the ways that you're treating your mind and your body, and then you can start creating your own value list and I think once you know what your values are and you write them down and you firmly believe in them, that's when I think the real magic happens, dude that is genius, and you're going to feel so much more fulfilled when you know you're doing those things.

Lachlan Stuart: 32:03

I know for myself. If I start feeling whether it's unfulfilled or just not as happy as I'd like to be, there's one of my values is not being met and for me, the majority of the time, it's adventure, because I'm very driven and ambitious and that does come across meeting my needs with health, networking, looking after my family and all of that sort of stuff. So generally, a result of that, even though that is meeting a lot of my needs, the adventure side gets put on the back burner and it's like man, when was the last time I did something for myself? When was the last time I went on a bike or a bit of travel? And generally that's missing.

Lachlan Stuart: 32:40

And when you're aware of that, you can pinpoint what you need to do in order to get yourself back in a better mental frame. I know it's like a hack, right? People are always looking for these hacks on how do I feel better or enjoy my life more. What's doing this work that gets you in that position? Once again, not going to be perfect with it None of us are but by being aware of it, you put yourself back in the position to change it and get on the front foot.

Christian Dyer: 33:05

What's so cool about it is it's such a low cost. There's no barriers to entry to know what you value. But there's people that value fast, fancy cars and nice restaurants, and that's okay. Some people are super privileged and fortunate to be able to do those on a day-to-day basis. The average person just live in life. This comes from who you surround yourself with and what you're doing. If you live by the beach, walk in the beach, watch in the sunrise, watch in the sunset, or share a meal with good company, or watch in a good movie or taking care of your health, there's simple things that I don't think people understand that they actually value, because they haven't thought about it as a big pillar in their life.

Lachlan Stuart: 33:48

Love it, man, and we were talking about before and I wish we recorded it, so I'm bringing it back up. Some things that you're excited about. Learning more and sharing more with people is other things that you've got going on in your life because, as we did mention at the beginning, it's like you sort of get pigeoned-holed and people especially coaches or marketing coaches and stuff you need to niche down and really get very specific on what you want to show of yourself, and you and I were having this conversation where it's like, well, that kind of puts us in the same position. I know I was in with Footy where it's like that was my identity and it's like there's so much more to me and I'm sure as you. So where did you become aware of? I just wanted to challenge that way of doing things and now you're sort of looking to explore and show more of yourself online.

Christian Dyer: 34:36

I think I've always wanted to be uncommon and share with people that you don't have to be pigeonholed into what you do for a living. That's not who you are. The other thing is that I think I realize that rugby in my life is amazing and it's probably the biggest thing in my life right now and I know it won't be one day. But there's still other parts of my life that I have a genuine interest in and that I love outside of the sport, and I knew that I didn't want to look back when my career my playing career wishing I tapped into those interests and I think, like I told you before, that fear of looking back and having regret is something that initially gave me that urge and desire to go explore other opportunities. But it comes with drawbacks because there's people that may look at me and look at my life and what I'm doing through social media and all these other ventures and they may think that I'm distracted where rugby is not the singular focus, which that's okay for them to think.

Christian Dyer: 35:34

At the end of the day, I'm still getting all my work done and then some I'm trying to show up first person and then last person out like doing the hard yards and doing everything that I need to be, so I'm well prepared when it comes to game day. But often the people that are looking down at you in that light or have their own opinion and it's mostly in a negative light Like they only say that because they're not doing what you're doing. And I know for a fact that when the lights are on and the cameras are out, they're all going to want to take photos or have conversations with me, and then they're going to want to tap into my network and ask for favors. So I know it's all part of the process. So I just really stick to what I believe in and in the lifestyle that I want to live.

Lachlan Stuart: 36:15

Well put man, well put, I think, for everyone who's listening and you're not a professional athlete, it's still just, I guess, looking at your personal brand, and your personal brand doesn't need to mean that you're selling something.

Lachlan Stuart: 36:27

I guess you are selling yourself to the world and how you want to be positioned and how you want people to view you and how you want to view yourself. It doesn't always need to be for business, it's just getting clear on how you do want to show up and how you know one thing you said before, but you want to be the player that everyone wants to play with. It's like, why don't you want to in life? It's just be the person that everyone wants to be surrounded by, or everyone wants to, you know, ultimately be. And that's a great way to sort of start setting your personal standards, how you're going to show up in the world, how you're going to communicate, how you're going to treat others, and it's just making your life better.

Christian Dyer: 37:04

Yeah, and it was so much more powerful than someone in someone coming into a room trying to sell something is the person that can come into a room and change how people view themselves and change how people think about themselves and the energy that you give someone else. Because the person that can walk in the door and talk to everyone and put a smile on everybody's face and make them feel comfortable and respected in the room, that's the cool person. It's not the person that comes in with this. I don't know elegant sales spit pitch, right, it's how do you interact with human beings? Can you make an impact in their life outside of the money and outside of the business? Right?

Lachlan Stuart: 37:42

100% Christian Dyer, everyone Christian for those who want to follow along and continue to be inspired and just watch you. You know, over the next couple of years where can people find you?

Christian Dyer: 37:52

Yeah, socials are at Christian J Dyer and then podcast is on Spotify and Apple Podcasts at the Chase, so that's where you can find me. Appreciate everybody's support.

Lachlan Stuart: 38:06

Awesome. And the show notes. So the links will be in the show notes there and, as always, do something today to be better for tomorrow. I love that.