Secrets to Becoming a Man Who Thrives in Business & Life | Ryan Drake #553

In Episode 20 of Behind The Business, we chat to Lachlan Stuart, the founder of The Man That Can Project, a men's performance coach who's worked with 800+ men with their mental health and helped to redefine masculinity. Lachlan is a fitness enthusiast who has represented Australia in the Obstacle Course Racing World Championships, shares his journey from entrepreneurship to personal growth, and how he's helping men gain the confidence to be their authentic selves.

0:00 - Men's personal growth and fitness with a successful entrepreneur and athlete.
1:25 - Personal growth and men's mental health.
6:15 - Men's mental health and self-improvement.
13:18 - Men's struggles with discipline and self-improvement.
18:40 - Creating accountability and discipline through social media and personal challenges.
23:23 - Men's self-improvement and discipline.
28:40 - Overcoming mental barriers and achieving goals.
36:43 - Balancing work and relationships.
42:59 - Intimacy and communication in a relationship.
47:54 - Emotional regulation and communication strategies for men.
53:21 - Personal transformation and business growth with Lachie

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:51

Today's episode is a recording from a podcast with my friend, ryan Drake, where we dive into the business that we run here and how it's worked and how it's evolved and the challenges and Learning said I've had over the years. The reason why I wanted to share this episode with you is a lot of you guys are starting out in entrepreneurship or may have businesses, and I wanted to give you an insight of what it's like running the man that can project and Things that I have found valuable. What I would do differently because, once again, we're all here trying to improve our lives physically, mentally, financially and this is a side that I don't normally talk about on the podcast. I thought there would be some value in that. I hope you enjoy the episode.

Speaker 2: 1:34

Okay, welcome back to another episode of behind the business. I'm your host, ryan Drake, and today we have a lucky Stuart in the house. Lucky is the founder of the man that can project a leading men's personal breakthrough Company here in well, what started in Southeast Queensland and is now in Nashville in the States, and Lucky has coached over 800 men over the last 10 years on how to gain their confidence to be their most authentic self and Adopt a man that can attitude and mindset through foundational and breakthrough workshops. What I really love about the work that lock is doing as well is that his events challenge and empower men to break through limitations and, rather than I don't know fluffy PD events you go to and you finish on a high, really leaving really leaving men with this profound sense of achievement and identity shift through his work. And the other element that I'm sure we'll dive into today with lucky as well is he's also a fitness fiend and has recently represented Australia in the obstacle course racing world championships. Welcome to the show.

Speaker 1: 2:58

Ryan, thanks for having me on. I had to. Sorry to interrupt your Introduction with a bit of laughter there, but there's a brilliant introduction and we definitely not about the Leaving, blowing, pumping your tires up and not having an idea or plan on how you're going to make some change, so pumped to be here and looking forward to getting into it.

Speaker 2: 3:20

Lucky. Let's start there because I think, having been in this in the personal development space myself, for Goodness me, just over 10 years, yourself 10 years as well We've seen Trends and cycles and all these different things happen. And I Don't know about you, but I witness and it's just interesting to observe Course junkies, event horse, if we could say that right, basically people getting getting high yep on, continually going through these, these cycles and the event and signing up in the next thing, in the next thing, and like just pumping themselves full of Information. What would you say Is some of the work that you do with the men that you coach to help them move through just more information and Lead to identity level change for them?

Speaker 1: 4:21

So definitely a great place to start. And I I recognize that was an issue Literally 10 or 9, 10 years ago, because I started first off in personal development and I kept going to different events because I was excited about what I was learning and I would notice the same people would keep coming and eventually I started building relationships with these people and they would continue coming back and nothing had changed. But my life was continuing to elevate. And then I started men's groups and similar thing. You know I wanted to help. At the time I was really focused on stopping men taking their life by suicide and we started attracting people who were, you know, down in the depths and it felt good to validate where they were at. They weren't doing anything right. They just keep coming back with the same problems and I Recognize one. I didn't want to swim around in that sort of area because it was pulling me down. So I realized that in order to make myself feel better, I had to help them feel better.

Speaker 1: 5:20

And Talking look, talking is an important part and upskilling is an important part, but you know, knowledge is power as bullshit. Knowledge is potential power. The implementation is what makes you powerful. So when you become an individual who Starts working towards something and you know we all got to set our own compass around what we feel we want in life. We then have to start learning the thing right, whatever that looks like, and Then, once we've then learned the thing, we have to start implementing it right, because once we start implementing it, we realize what the real hold up is, because you could jump on Google right now, ryan, and learn anything how to launch an ad, how to overcome a limiting belief, how to get fit, how to drop 10 kilos right.

Speaker 1: 6:01

There's processes and formulas everywhere, but what stops people is the psychology in the implementation, which is the fear of X and and. When people then go to do the thing and stop doing, it's like, okay, why am I not doing that? And that's how we then get people to do that thing, because it's action-based. So let's push you through that. That's how people have personal breakthroughs, right, and I know will probably take the Conversation in the area of fitness at some point, ryan, because you were. I saw on the Instagram you just finished CrossFit this morning, and one thing that I love about CrossFit and training in general Is that it pushes you to have those little wins, whether it's, you know, lifting point two, five More on a clean or doing a wad a little bit faster, your breaking limits right and you're proving to yourself You're more capable than you first thought.

Speaker 2: 6:51

Yeah, and what would you? You know you've you've coached hundreds and hundreds of men Over the last decade and I think the men's work is very different from what I witnessed to be women's work. I have a lot of female clients as well who come and see me for different reasons, but I find you know men Men face quite unique challenges today, particularly around this, this shift in identity on a societal level and their place. We know the rates of Men suicide in Australia and across the West. What would you say is the Kind of the biggest thing that you see some of the men that come to you Primarily struggle with, if you you pull away at the situation and you're looking at the core Thing that they often face, is there a consistent Story or pattern that you end up seeing?

Speaker 1: 7:56

Yes, and if we were to strip away, I guess, the specific situations whether it's an obsession of work or avoid it, it's discipline People a lot of men will come to us. It's either their marriage is falling apart, they're burnt out at work, they're, you know, overweight and run down. A lot of it happens because they know they want to be better. Most men know that they should be giving time to their partners or their, their families. Most men know that they should be exercising. Most men know that they should be working on their own stuff, but many of them aren't doing that and it's because they're not doing that that so many more issues are popping up in their life. You know, choosing to go to the pub on a Friday afternoon to blow off some steam instead of going home and helping the family at home, that's going to create more friction in your relationships with Stan, creates another problem. So we, when we we're looking at, I guess, men that are coming to us, they're looking for a solution, right, they're looking for a way to remove some pain from their life and that's unique to every individual and I Guess we're all wired and hardwired to get away from pain. That's why we've created such a comfortable environment we live in.

Speaker 1: 9:08

Right, I know, in Brisbane at the moment it's like a ridiculous heat wave and I guarantee most people are Turning the air con on. They're just getting comfortable, right, I don't want to sweat, I don't want to feel uncomfortable. Yeah, and it's the same. We've been minus 24 here in Nashville. The pools froze over Dude. I've been running in the snow, and not because I want to pretend I'm a fucking cool person, but because I know that I may never have the opportunity to do it again. But for me it's like the comfort is staying inside, running on a treadmill where it's warm, and that's what everyone else is doing.

Speaker 1: 10:37

If we continue to do, what everyone else is doing, we're going to get the same results. And if we look at the statistics Ryan, you mentioned the number of suicide we can also look at divorce rates. We can look at people who are medicated, who don't have purpose, who have poor friendship circles. I don't want to be like function.

Speaker 2: 10:53

I don't want to be another number, dude, dude. Hundred percent exactly.

Speaker 1: 10:57

So I don't want to be one of those numbers, which means I have to do differently to those other people. Same with those men and they're coming to me for solutions. Same with those men and they're coming to me for solutions.

Speaker 2: 11:13

It's really interesting. So if we, it's really interesting that you say discipline as well, because I was very curious about some of these statistics. Why is it that and I isolate this to the West because we actually don't see disease rates and divorce rates in the East in the same way we experience it in Western countries. So if we keep it to that region, have you seen clips Locky on socials about school kids in the 60s, like going and doing PE and everyone is ripped Like you know your high school teenagers, they're just on the abs, they're doing the monkey bars, you're doing drill drills. You have this discipline instilled in you from a very young age and, yeah, I think as a society, like we've grown up with all of these comforts, If a man, have you read?

Speaker 1: 12:23

Sorry, just to jump in, because I think there's a lot of problems that are in front of us around how people are, whether it's mental resilience, their ability to problem solve, their weight, mental health issues and a really good book for you to read is IGen and Generation, so two books co-authored by Dr Jonathan Hyatt, who wrote the Happiness Hypothesis, right. So he's been using Substack if you're familiar with Substack, and he's been going on there with, I think, carol Dweck and someone else, and they've been writing these books on there like asking questions, getting feedback, but they've spoken about how the times in which we live have really also influenced the next generations. Because it is very easy and I was this person until I started reading this book, asking why I was like man, that next generation is screwed. You know they're soft, they can't do with this, like they're entitled, and there's actually a lot of influence from our parents and the way society is structured.

Speaker 1: 13:23

You know you think about when we were younger. I don't know about you, but I could walk to school, I could ride home, you know there wasn't much fear around being abducted or anything like that, right, and so my parents would make me work for a little bit of pocket money. I could then roll down to the shop, learn how to spend it. You know, I'd buy some lollies and then I couldn't have a juice or whatever. So I was learning these little skills that were setting me up for life.

Speaker 1: 13:48

Now what happens is people are so fearful that their kids are going to get abducted or, you know, they don't want them to have a mental breakdown, so they'll just give them pocket money so they don't have to work for anything. But it's come from what we've been conditioned to believe, and we're only doing what we believe is going to best serve our children. However, we're taking away skill sets that then should be developing to function well in the real world, and so now you've got kids or teenagers, for example, who don't feel comfortable leaving their house. Right, there's a whole city in Japan not a whole city, but a community of people about half a million people that haven't left their house for over six months.

Speaker 1: 14:29

Oh, wow I cannot remember the name of it now, but so the way the world's working is like it's not a you know. Look, obviously we can look at the fact of let's take responsibility. If I'm in a position where I am overweight and I don't feel comfortable in social situations, I'm struggling with social anxiety. Okay, I'm responsible for that. I need to develop those skills, yes, of course, but for people who are maybe under 18 and who are at the age I guess, guidance of their parents is like okay, as the parent and I think this may be helpful for your audience if you are a parent, are you over-coddling your children and not allowing them to learn the lessons that allow them to be independent, to develop the ability to problem solve, to think critically about their actions Like this?

Speaker 1: 15:15

You know, we are worried. We're all worried about where the world's going you and I both, and a lot of people. But watch, the role that we're playing in is really important to think about it, and that's, for me, is like we come back to our I guess you know the influence that you have with your podcast and I have with mine and the people that I work with. I'm like okay, yep, we get so much news. We see what's happening in the walls around the world, but we can't directly influence that, so let's stop using the fear of that to determine the decisions we're making at home.

Speaker 1: 15:49

Sorry for that tangent. I just felt I wanted to get that book in there for you.

Speaker 2: 15:54

It's really interesting and I'll add the book to the show notes because there's so many implications of what you said. So what I've read about some of the things that are happening culturally in Japan is that you also have a decrease in the birth rate. You have people who are largely single, remaining single, not engaging on dates and then also consuming passively. So you have influences who are making $10,000, $15,000 a month, live streaming themselves, eating on Zoom, and it's just wild to me. So they eat in front of the camera for three hours a day and they're just printing money because people don't want to go out and date, and so there's all these other social cues and fabric that break it down. It doesn't surprise me then that some people haven't left the house for so long. The Japanese situation is very different. You know, suicide rate is just as high as Australia correct me if I'm wrong and so there's I think there's other things happening there as well, but I guess, if we bring it back to Australia too, I think these we do see it, and we see it at a level now, like you mentioned, where there's participation awards handed out for everything. Others have, I guess, changed the pens that they use to mark good answers versus incorrect answers so you can't even use like red pen anymore in some situations. Oh my goodness, it's pretty wild, I guess.

Speaker 2: 17:53

If you have a man then who has come to you and basically has said, locky, I don't have any discipline in my life and I guess let's paint a realistic picture then. So what are some of the challenges men are facing at the moment? I know that men are afraid of dating in Brisbane, like I have friends who are really struggling to meet the right women and then the women are saying, oh my gosh, men in Australia Awful and pornography addictions. And so if we have someone knock on your door who is admitting and putting their hands up and saying, actually, locky, I really need help because I recognize that my life's a mess, how would you start with them to instill that discipline, because it might be totally foreign for them.

Speaker 1: 18:52

Hmm, so for me personally, when I look at discipline, people are disciplined, everyone's disciplined. There's things that you're consistently doing that you maybe aren't even aware of, even the fact that you're not keeping your word. You're disciplined at doing that, and that's how I would reframe it because in order to get on board with something.

Speaker 1: 19:14

you need to find an area in your life where you're already doing it to go. Okay, I believe I can do that. That makes sense, okay. So, for example, let's use I want to be more disciplined with going to the gym. My idea is that I want to get up at 5am and hit that 5.30 crossfit class. I'm just not disciplined. Whenever the alarm happens, I snooze and I've missed it. Okay, I'm not really disciplined at hitting the snooze button. So you need to find a way to remove the space between the action and the decision to do the action. If you allow time to do that, more often than not you're going to talk yourself out of it because it's not a habit, right?

Speaker 1: 19:55

You don't unconsciously do it, you allow yourself to go hmm, it's cold out or my knee's achy or I need a little bit more sleep, so even that starts happening. Most people don't have enough control over their thoughts yet to be able to then talk themselves to do what they need to do. So I would start there and then I look at what is the thing that you want to do and why is it important the action. So for me and for a lot of people you know a lot of people are being diagnosed with ADHD at the moment they say they can't focus. Okay, so for me is it like are we looking to remove the distraction or are we looking to focus more? Most people are looking to focus more. They aren't removing distractions. Okay, I get distracted. I believe I'm very productive but I also get distracted when there's distractions around. So when I understand and I'm aware of the things that are holding me back from doing the thing I said I wanted to do okay, not being disciplined I work out how I can remove that distraction, because the less things I have to think about stealing my focus, I can then do the thing that I said I was going to do. So, going back to that example, I would say that I'm going to get up and do that five o'clock class, the next thing I could do is put my phone, you know, a couple of meters away from the bed. If you have the, you know a big enough room to do that. So you have to get out of bed to turn it off. Your feet have hit the floor. Now you're up. You're up.

Speaker 1: 21:18

The second thing if that doesn't work for you, you then continue stacking like you would with habits. You go okay. Well, if I need a little bit more accountability, I might have it as someone that I've got to meet at the gym at 530 and they're going to hold me accountable. There's a consequence, right, you might have a friend, right, and this is where you know. I guess paying for coaches and mentors becomes a little bit more beneficial. But if it's a friend, you know sometimes, depending on the standards of people, that you're hanging around.

Speaker 1: 21:42

But I would imagine the people listening to this show, ryan, would be a certain set of standards where they would hold you accountable. But if they don't, you start then saying hey, ryan, I've missed the gym three times now. I'm really trying to develop the habit of getting to this CrossFit class with you. I know you're showing up, but I'm not Every time I miss the gym. Now I owe you $10, or find something that's painful, right. Most people are struggling financially, so taking some money out of their pockets. Why the gyms do the fee if you don't attend the class?

Speaker 1: 22:15

I think it's great, so let's find a way to do that and put more pain yeah, put more pain behind the thing that you know you should be doing but you're not doing. Because, as we've said maybe 10 minutes ago, most people come to me because they're trying to get away from pain in their life. So when you understand that, you just create pain Like it may sound sadistic, but for me it's how I achieve all the stuff that I'm doing. I'm just finding ways to create pain in my life to get closer to the pleasures that I want and that works really well to be disciplined.

Speaker 1: 22:53

Yeah, I think what you're also really touching on is human biology.

Speaker 2: 22:57

Can I share your real Sorry? I was just going to say I do, I've got a there you go, sorry, you go lucky. No, I'll let you go.

Speaker 1: 23:08

I'll come back to it.

Speaker 2: 23:10

Oh, just human biology and the evolutionary nature of how we adapted. We're actually rewiring the brain with our comforts, which is what we're talking about, and you can't beat 200,000 years of evolution. So why don't you work with it? And if you can create this opportunity to introduce pain in a way that is also a motivator, it can work in your favor, whether that be accountability or whatever it is. Just make your process more difficult. For example, simple one is take the stairs instead of the elevator. Just make it, introduce it in an easy way every day and you become accustomed to life. What's the saying? It's like hard choices, easy life, easy choices, hard life, something to that effect. Yeah, yes, I think of that. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:17

So one of the best ways is post it on social media for accountability. I believe social media is one of the most underutilized tools to get you to do what you said you were going to do. I documents and once again I could be biased because I do document it, but I love that when I put something out on social media, I do it because I'm like if I don't do it today, people are going to know. Okay, and I'm relying on doing the thing that I said I would do, not only to get results, but to empower other people to do the same thing.

Speaker 1: 24:50

We all have stuff pop up in the day, and I've got one of our members. He's been with us for three years and this year he's had a huge growth in his business and this year our goal is to get his health back on track, okay. And so I was like dude, I'm doing this thing where I'm doing something hard every day. The definition of hard for us is doing something that I necessarily, probably, am trying to avoid, but I know it's going to benefit my life, so I'm going to do that. And he started doing that and he's done day 43, I think, and he's after like 30 days.

Speaker 1: 25:21

I feel so confident, I'm so proud of myself from doing that, and it's like it's the first time in his 37, I feel like I'm actually disciplined. His whole idea of how he thinks about himself now is I'm disciplined. Before that, I'm not disciplined. So the belief shift in his mind is now going to make him get better results, and not only for this challenge. That for some may seem insignificant, but he's now going to carry that into business, into his relationships. As I'm disciplined and I do, I'm a man of my word, hmm.

Speaker 2: 25:54

Yeah, I love that. I agree with you, I think, in terms of the social proof of being able to share publicly, make a declaration, because until you got skin in the game, for most people their goals are a wish. I mean, I'm sure you're very much the same. I don't believe 98% of stuff that comes out of people's mouths. I will smile, but I'll wait until they demonstrate and can show me something. So I think that the accountability is it works twofold.

Speaker 2: 26:36

One is it does hold you accountable, and I think that's probably where 75 hard from a social aspect in a social experiment has been really profound, because you can watch people in real time, either succeed at it or they will tell you, when they don't, what threw them off, and it's fascinating for me to understand the psychology behind what that thing is. And then for the person who does succeed, it continues to reinforce the character building. So it's like cool, I am a man who can then follow through on my word. I am someone who is then disciplined. I am building like you're forging the character every, every single day, and I think every day presents 100 different opportunities to reinforce the person or the man that you want to become, as well as 100 other ways to throw you off course and it's the, it's the battle, I guess what I'm, what I find related to our early discussion too, is that if, on a whole, if we have people who I guess soft just for lack of a better word we don't lack the discipline.

Speaker 2: 27:59

If you see the spike in diagnoses for ADHD, which again I find interesting, if we look at statistics and historical stuff as well, but just understanding, even if you do have a diagnosis, fantastic, what are you going to do with that? Because it's knowledge. Knowledge can be turned into something. But if you recognize, okay, society is a hole in business or life if people are distracted and people can't do hard things, it has never been easier for you to succeed.

Speaker 1: 28:36

I think it's crazy. I definitely agree. I mean, when I walk around and I see obese dudes walking around who you can tell. You can tell when someone's not confident, right, like by the way they walk, the way they shake hands, whether they look you in the eyes. There's so many things and I don't care whether people say that's old school Bullshit, because when I see a man who holds himself well, can look you in the eyes, can shake your hand, like you know he's strong, he's confident and the benefit of that, and look, we can talk culturally and their influence right, which is extremely important. But even from a health perspective, I see so many men who don't have enough muscle right for good health. The more muscle mass you carry on your body, the better metabolic health you will have.

Speaker 2: 29:27

So when.

Speaker 1: 29:27

I see people who go I don't need to train or I'm you know, for whatever reason, I'm like okay, well, that's okay. Look, how you choose to live your life is completely fine, it doesn't impact me. However, my goal and what I believe I'm here to do is to help those men who do want to have more influence and control over their life get their shit together, and the best place to start is by getting yourself in a position where, physically, you feel confident and empowered in who you are, because that then determines how you show up in a room, how you go to close a sale, how you go on a date right, how you lead your family, all of those things Most men aren't prepared to lead, but they want to. They've adopted this responsibility Once again.

Speaker 1: 30:12

You know I'm a big believer in being the provider, but I've also got a wife who's extremely successful as well, and I love supporting her and we support each other. So our relationship is a little bit different there, but I love to know that I can provide. Okay, but the other thing that I love knowing is that she can count on me because of the energy that I have, the vitality that I have, the discipline that I show up with the standards that I carry as a man, and I've decided on the and set those standards based on how I want to live my life and how I want to perceive myself. Okay, I think that's the most important thing. So I'm not the person Ryan and I know in the beginning we had a little bit of a laugh about, like, I guess, the soft style and fluffy style of men's, men's coaching.

Speaker 1: 30:54

And then there's like the Andrew tapes right, and I think we can learn stuff on both sides and I think for anyone yeah, and David Goggins right 100% those hard ass motherfuckers and we can learn something from all of those people and every individual will be drawn to the place where they feel comfortable, and that's completely fine. So I don't want to discredit that. I just, you know, I don't fit in those zones, right, I've got my own thing. For me, it's about helping people work out what they want and understanding who they need to become and the standards that that version of themselves will carry and conduct on a day to day basis, right, not just when it's convenient on a fucking day to day basis, when you understand that. That's where the discipline comes, because it's like, okay, well, what would that version of me do at five AM in the morning? I do what I said. I'd fucking do get out of bed.

Speaker 1: 31:48

Okay, the thing is, ryan is, most men from that fact don't really know, and it's not because they don't know what they want. A lot of people do know what they want. If you ask them, they'll say, man, I just want more time with my family, I want to drop 10 kilos, I just want a bit more. You know, I don't want to be stressed. Okay, I want to be able to articulate what I'm feeling. Cool, right, they're goals, they're amazing. I love you to have them. Where people get stuck is they don't know how to fucking do it, and because we've stopped people learning the ability to problem solve, to think for themselves, they don't know how to do that. Right, and in the last 10 days, right I've had, including this week, I've had about 50 phone calls with guys joining our program.

Speaker 2: 32:34

Wow, and that's one of the cool goals, yeah, yeah, thank you.

Speaker 1: 32:38

But everyone comes on and this is the point I want to push home. Everyone comes on with a goal, as I said, the thing that they want, the desired outcome, which is what we want people to have, but they don't know how to get there. Like if you say how do you get there? They don't know. It's like what do you need to do on a daily basis to get that thing? If you want to improve your marriage, what does that mean? I don't know.

Speaker 1: 33:01

Okay, well, we need to figure that out, because until we know, we've got no tangible thing for you to do or for me to hold your accountable on. And that's where people get stuck. They feel so overwhelmed that they just then do nothing. So, for a lot of people listening, you may have an idea of what you want, but it's even you know. Just the simple form for how to think about it is what would you need to do today to get that result? For example, in business, if you want to get a new client, what do you need to do today? Well, need to have a sales call.

Speaker 2: 33:35

Lucky. Can we use you as an example? What do you?

Speaker 1: 33:37

need to happen to do that.

Speaker 2: 33:39

We'll use you as an example because I think the you know one of the reasons why I was so excited to have you on the show is because you model it. And so, just for context, guys, Lucky's just moved halfway around the world, so from Brisbane over to Nashville with his wife. He's competed for Australia in the obstacle course race, ran a marathon last year, runs his own podcast, you know, coached 100 people, so he's juggling lots and lots of things and also had to navigate the transition of life. So he mentioned earlier you know it's negative 25 degrees outside, running in the snow. It's uncomfortably hard. Lucky, could you paint a picture for us in the context of either, some of your own mental barriers that you're breaking through at the moment around things that you're facing in your business or life or marriage, and how you navigate that for yourself?

Speaker 1: 34:52

Yeah, awesome, and I've got a real. So I'll be very open. So last year I had my worst year in business in eight years. I lost a lot of money and that put me in.

Speaker 1: 35:03

Obviously then moving. It's expensive to move to the US with, you know, getting a house and the moving costs, flights, and then obviously the exchange rate is kicking me in the balls. So I came over here financially stressed and because I'm really aware of that, I was able to navigate and have the conversations with my wife to share where I'm at, what's going on, what needs to happen in order for me to get X outcome right. And that outcome was to not be financially stressed. Okay, we've moved city. We've moved because, you know, chasing opportunity it's very hard to experience opportunity when you're stressed. So I knew the one thing that I had to do was to get my business back right to where it was. I knew, right. I know what the downfalls are I can't be drinking. I love whiskey. I'm in fucking bourbon country right here, okay. But I knew I've committed to 12 months off the booze because I know what I can achieve when I'm off the booze.

Speaker 1: 36:03

I've committed to work hours, the number of calls, all the stuff. But I've also been able to communicate that with my wife and still make time for the things that are important. So we talk about and you mentioned a moment ago, ryan, all the things that can show up in a day. I know what I want, right, my one goal this year is to get our Academy back to 300 members, which is about 80 grand a month. I know when I do that I'm not going to be financially stressed anymore and I can do, you know, continue working on the other goals that I've set for myself. In order to get back to that, I have to be practicing and preaching what I'm doing.

Speaker 1: 36:37

I got so comfortable two years ago where, you know, habits didn't necessarily drop, but I wasn't making as many phone calls, I wasn't showing up in the way that I should have been showing up, I'd got slack with my communication, hence the drop. I'd lost my assertiveness. So I learned a very valuable and a very expensive lesson. But I've been also very fortunate with the people that I work with very wealthy individuals and they come to me looking for solutions, which means they have problems. I don't take for granted the fact that I get to learn their problems. They're in a position financially where I want to be, but I've seen the sacrifices that have been required in or maybe not even required that they have chosen to have in their life as a result.

Speaker 1: 37:23

So, for me, I don't want to be on my fourth marriage ride. I do not want to sacrifice my health Okay. I still want to have hobbies and be doing cool shit with cool people, okay. So what that then means is I need to make sure that I'm making time for all of these things every week, but I've been need to be um, have the energy and the I guess the intention to really maximize that time, because I'm going fucking hard at the moment. Okay, how do you do that? Then I think about okay, well, how does the I guess the version of Locky, who's performing at such an elite level, working? He's not sleeping in man, and I've, dude, I've literally been cracking holes in our pool, which is frozen, and this is not to prove how hardcore I am, but because, as any challenge you have, you do the same thing consistently. You build up tolerance, right or a plateau.

Speaker 1: 38:16

Now an example, if you're doing 50 sales calls a day, you might push up to 55 and eventually you're at a hundred and it's like, oh, that's easy, that's just what I do, okay. So for me, jumping in, you know, minus three ice at the moment, it's just what I do, okay, it starts my day. I was doing it when it was 10 degrees. People thought I was crazy here then, and then all of a sudden, when it's snowing, they're like this guy's really crazy. I'm like it's not, I've just been going with the season.

Speaker 1: 38:42

So when you do anything consistently enough, if it continues to get more challenging, you'll do it. So to bring it back to your question, ryan, with the adversity and how I've dealt with it, I've had a couple of relationship breakdowns and Amy was with me when I was at my worst 10 years ago, so she knows the growth that I've had and I've also been. You know I owe a lot to her because of that, and so one of the commitments I made 10 years ago was that I would never be a terrible partner, and I have an idea of what that looks like.

Speaker 2: 39:14

So I have standards there and I've never dropped them ever, and it's got to the point where that's just for people, for people at home, because I find I find this really, really interesting and I wanted to provide some context because I'm loving this conversation. So one of my, one of my mentors I remember going on a walk with her and at the time I thought this phrase, how you do anything is how you do everything. I was like, oh my gosh, this is so true. And she asked me the question. She said, ryan, is that actually true? And I thought about it for a moment.

Speaker 2: 39:57

She said one of my clients has the Ferrari, the Lamborghini sorry, the Lamborghini very successful business. However, his belly drops over the steering wheel. She says to me he struggles to get in and out of the car and because he's so overweight he can't be intimate with his wife because premature ejaculation and because he's working so hard he's not present with his kids. So he's got stacks of money, no time to utilize it and spend it with the people he cares about the most. And to me, you know that really was like oh wow, you can be good at one thing and have weaknesses in other areas. Entrepreneurship, I think as well, when my mastermind, I was mentioning that to you when, when they surveyed the men, they said the men struggle the most with balancing business with their relationship, so I would love to hear from you what are those standards that you have to allow your, your marriage, to blossom. Why is that so important to you? What are the standards you hold?

Speaker 1: 41:06

This first standard is time and I think, where a lot of people get thrown off. And for us, for example, I used to think balance was what most people chased and what I was chasing, and I had this idea that balance meant equal time. It's impossible to get equal time with things because most people were committed to doing X amount of hours at work. We have to sleep for minimum, like six hours, right, like minimum, okay, which leaves us with, let's say, eight hours left. So if I'm wanting to train, if I'm wanting to invest time in my relationship, it's just not possible. So that then moves me from balance to intention. What do I? You know what are my wants, needs and desires? So I understand what you know. A great book, two great books the Way of the Superior man and the Five Love Languages Two great books to really help you with your relationship.

Speaker 1: 42:01

I for years was getting gifts from Amy. All the time She'd come back from America or whatever and give me a gift and I'm like I appreciate that, but I'm not really a gift sky. And when I read that book I was like hmm, that's her love language, she loves gifts, and I'd never give her gifts. I'd be like hugging her and telling her I love her, but whenever I give her something, ryan makes her day like, makes her week Okay. So I realized pretty quickly how, for us to have a very incredible relationship, the first thing is communication right. We have to be open, honest and transparent. So we're both very driven individuals. Okay, she's got an extremely successful career, as do I, and we just make sure that when we plan our week, we make time for each other, and sometimes we get a lot of time together, other times we don't, and obviously I'm going to sprint at the moment, which means we're a priority, but every week we're still making time for each other. It's you know. We're getting our date nights. We're doing it every fortnight. We're alternating who's in control of designing it, but every night, ryan, before we go to bed, we have 10 minutes. I say 10 minutes, it's generally a little bit more, but we have to put our phones down and just face each other in bed and talk. It is the best 10 minutes of my day, like really genuinely getting to connect. And so, while it's not the eight hours, like people think, we have a few non-negotiables that we do, and sometimes it's a last thing you want to do, dude, Like a couple of times last week I've been on the phone all day and I was so tired. But I'm like, dude, I'm making time for all these people, some of them I have never met yet. I'm choosing or refusing to give my best self to my wife, the person that I'm building a life with. That is bullshit.

Speaker 1: 43:44

Get up and create some energy and then show up how you want to show up. It's so easy, man. If we look at the cycle of life, like, there's this bell curve right it's ascending, there's the peak state and there's the descending, the decline, and for many of us, when we're in the relationship, it's like we're ascending, right, it's exciting. You got the rose-colored glasses on. You partner could not do a single thing wrong. Then we hit the peak state and for me it's like I don't really know what that is, but I want to assume that every day is the peak. So how would I need to show up to make that peak?

Speaker 1: 44:17

Dude, I bring Amy a coffee every morning, even if I'm working. As soon as I get off a call and I hear she's up, I'll bring her one coffee, give her a kiss and then back to the office. But those moments for us. I've got these little moments where we invest in each other, do nice little things for each other, and it's just like I make her feel valued, I make her feel heard and she does the same thing and we've done that through communication. But she also knows Ryan and I know this is a long-winded answer, sorry, but she knows when I'm on a sprint, I know when she's on a sprint, so we respect each other's boundaries around that.

Speaker 1: 44:51

Like dude, it's nearly eight o'clock here at night. She's having dinner at another place, which I'm sure she'd love me to be at, but she understands, appreciates and wants me to do well. That's why we're on this podcast and I think when you have a partner who wants to support you and you don't just get there right, you have to work on it. There's a lot of speed bumps, but I think that honest communication, transparency and the boundaries can really really, really help with that. And just constantly reassessing what's a priority. Man, if we spent too much time apart, I'd have to reassess and go look, we've had too much time apart. Work has to take a backseat for a little bit because I really value our marriage.

Speaker 2: 45:33

Are you also physical touch or quality time? Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1: 45:40

I think every bloke's physical touch right. I've not met a dude who's like I'm physical touch. I'm like, yeah, cool. But to be fair, if I think of physical touch, it's like I really appreciate holding hands with Amy in public, because I used to be extremely jealous, very insecure, Okay. So now I don't have look, I still get jealous, I'm not going to lie about that. But I do love walking down the street holding her hand. For me that's nice. But also then intimacy is important as well, because I feel like it's a time of true vulnerability, true expression, and I think it's important.

Speaker 2: 46:19

Yeah, you sound like you have a very similar arrangement with Amy as I do with my partner, emily, and it is I love those 10, 15 minutes before bed. One of the things we introduced last year, locky, I'm not sure if you've heard this before, so I heard it introduced to me as meet me at and we changed it into.

Speaker 2: 46:47

Yeah, so the I think it was team sorry TAM and we changed it to meet me at and so what we call it is. This is our little team meeting and because of work schedules, because we're finishing the day at different times, we're out whatever it is, and even if I choose to stay up and work a little bit later, the significance of this has been very profound. I'll share what it is. So team T being for touch, and so what you said, where we're looking at each other but we're also touching, and there's the nervous system regulation that is occurring as well. You're syncing up your breathing, you're connecting your whatever emotions or things going on for you during the day. You're like come, then he is education, so something you've learned in your day. You're just sharing, connecting on whatever that's that you found interesting to learn. A is appreciation, so then you're taking time to appreciate something for that day about your partner that you can acknowledge Lucky. I'm so thankful that you brought me a coffee this morning. Actually, it made my day. And then M is metrics. So metrics being business and personal, good, bad ugly, it's kind of like the high level, what's gone on for the day, but the valuable thing this is what I found it's like such a game changer for us. Metrics is also hey, this triggers me, this frustrated me about the day. This was annoying. I didn't like when you said this.

Speaker 2: 48:41

And the reason why this has been so profound for our relationship is, as men, where we're single focused If we're in the work or we're doing something, for example, or we're out and something we've done has upset our partner Often for women, they might want resolution immediately in that moment. The problem with us is we don't know what's gone on. We're thinking about the single priority. So we actually have to shift focus to then be fully engaged in this thing, be present, resolve it Now, however long that takes to be, because we've got to come out of our presence with whatever it is the work doing something else. Then be present with her to then context which back into what we're doing, can really disrupt.

Speaker 2: 49:36

But also what we found for ourselves is that emotion in the immediacy of a trigger or an upset influences the conversation. So now, as the man we're like, well, what's going on? I don't know how you feel. Let's try to understand that first. So our relationship has evolved to cool. Can we pause that for the team meeting tonight and what that's allowed us to do is go away and to reflect or think about whatever's happened. And when we address it in the team meeting because we're touching, because we're connected, because we're both present, because that has now like we've made time to do that All the emotion, all the anger, frustration, resentment, whatever it was earlier in the day, is dissipated, and so then we can talk about the heart of the matter. That really upset me that you said this, but also I recognize I'm actually on my period today, or it wasn't. It had nothing to do with you. There's something else, okay, and it takes 10 minutes too, and it's just been so profound.

Speaker 1: 50:52

Dude, I love that. I love that For anyone listening, that framework makes that conversation so easy to have, because I can imagine there would be a lot of things that maybe I've said or we've spoken about that there might be that how do I do that thing? Because a lot of men get shut down, right. A lot of women say I want an emotionally connected man or someone who can talk to me about anything, and they have a crack at it and get shut down. So what you've just done, then I love that is this simple framework to just introduce that. I think that's fantastic, man.

Speaker 2: 51:33

Yeah, I've said it to a couple of clients and it has been such a game changer because for some of them they would fight in the moment, but then they have a disagreement but then their whole day is disrupted or upset, where you're still in the emotion. Then you're trying to resolve it before bed but the emotion has actually just hung around or lingered and then sometimes when you're disagreeing with your partner, it's like you love them. Now we're not even fighting about the thing, the actual issue, and it has been such a game changer. The other one funnily enough, we haven't personally tried this yet. I think I'm trying to convince my partner to do it. But someone said try arguing whilst you're facing each other on the floor, so like if you're having a disagreement, you both get down and you lie on the floor and you realize that you laugh because you can't actually fight with somebody and it's really like changing your state as the anchor and it's so interesting. But that stuff works sometimes.

Speaker 1: 52:49

Well, the simplest thing to think is that when emotions are high, intellect is low and you don't solve anything when the intellect's low.

Speaker 1: 52:59

So when you can be aware of that, just do whatever you can to regulate the emotion and get back to like, whatever homeostasis is for you, or that place where you feel like you can make a great rational decision or say something that's rational, and you'll avoid so many, so many problems.

Speaker 1: 53:16

Man, I, when you know, years ago I used to just flip, like I come in from the background of like rugby and not learning to communicate well, my, as soon as someone challenged me or something happened, I would just flip, man, and I would always say things that I would regret and find myself in uncomfortable positions because of my ability to not respond well.

Speaker 1: 53:40

And I recognize that if I could learn to emotionally regulate myself better which everyone can do, okay, whether it's using that team acronym that you just mentioned and going through that process or finding other ways, whether it's breathwork or going for a quick drive, putting on your favorite song, laying on the floor and trying to argue, there's ways that you can change your state and that's the most important thing to share. It's like what state do I perform best in, like I mentioned before, around giving my best self to Amy. Even if I've been on calls all day, for example, or if I've done a marathon or whatever it is, and I am tired, it's just like your body can always get that little bit more out of it. But what state do I need to be in and what are some primers that I have to get myself in that state?

Speaker 2: 54:30

Yeah, and knowing, knowing them for yourself. I think there's no point in trying to introduce meditation if you don't actually find it useful. I think all these state shifters is what I like to call them. Knowing what the state shifter is, just pocket them Like you got to know yourself. For me it's if I can't do the cold plunge, it's jumping in the shower. Turn it to cold Two minutes, boom State change. When I'd work a corporate job, sometimes I'd go to the bathroom like the disabled toilet and then do 10 star jumps.

Speaker 1: 55:10

And then that's awesome and I love that.

Speaker 2: 55:13

Yeah, just instantly change my mood, and I think it's. It really is about knowing, knowing yourself and what is then effective for you. Like, you have a couple more questions, man, and then I think we definitely should tear up a part two for this.

Speaker 1: 55:30

I'd love to man.

Speaker 2: 55:32

I'd love to. I would love to ask so for those listening, and particularly for the men who are tuning in enjoying this conversation, could you share a, without revealing the person, a transformation that's happened in your man that can community as to what this work has profoundly done for them?

Speaker 1: 55:55

Yeah, one of the ones that stand out because I was just on the phone to them before actually was a bloke who runs a successful company and had had a young child I won't give away gender just because it might give it away but he his goal was to, you know wanted to have another, another kid, but his wife didn't want to have another kid with him because he was always working. It was stress, he was drinking a lot and when he first came into our program, I was like man.

Speaker 1: 56:26

I don't think this guy's the right fit. He seems like super standoffish and angry and whatnot and literally within three days of the workshop he was out of his shell, changed and fast forward Even to now. He's got another kid who's a couple of years old, so you know she. They repaired their marriage and not saying it was broken, but they really helped to get back on track to where they want it. They knew the love and value and connection was there. He's grown his business by 500% Okay, to the point where he works on it, not in it, which is a amazing thing and his health is through the like. Incredible, some of the stuff that he's doing. So for me, once again, that is validation, because a lot of people don't believe that you can have all of that. It's like you can't have it all at once. You've got to build a brick by brick and it's about understanding which brick comes first for you. Right, that's different for everyone.

Speaker 1: 57:17

But if you continue working at it, this is the mastery piece. You can have complete transformation, and I'm not. It's been hard for him Like. I'm not going to sit here and just say he did this program, it was awesome. He's not just done it with me, right, he's done it with you know help from other people as well. I'm not going to say I'm the king for all of those things, but the frameworks and the awareness that we put into him by helping him get clear on what it is that he wants and the things that he needs to do and develop and the people that he needs to surround himself with, has put him back in the driver's seat of his life, and now he's made those changes.

Speaker 2: 57:54

Love that. And obviously, guys, if you're listening to this, I'll drop all of Locky's details underneath this episode. Finally, I wanted to ask you what is next. So you mentioned you're growing your community again. What's next for the man that can? What are you? What exciting developments have you got working Like you're working on behind the scenes? We can share any of that with us.

Speaker 1: 58:22

Yeah, man, we. So. Obviously, to get the numbers back up to where they were is the first and foremost goal, but doing that in a way where we provide more support and accountability. Now. So we're in the process of looking at what an app would like look like, whether you know, doing the due diligence of whether that would be valuable to the community, because quite often you know what you think people want. You find out they don't dumping a heap of cash on an app might be the right thing.

Speaker 1: 58:49

We also have in the pipeline to start a woman that can, because that's one of the most requested things is how to members in our community find something for their partners or for their wives. It's just not there.

Speaker 1: 59:01

So my idea with that is we've got the frameworks, we've got the systems, just chatting to a few people around what that would look like. So there's a lot of stuff. And then I also just want to drop like personally, man, I think it's important to have the business goals, but you should be striving for big things outside of that as well, so I'm looking to do either seven marathons in seven days and seven continents, or 50 marathons in 50 states across 50 days in the states here.

Speaker 2: 59:32

Is that something you're working towards this year?

Speaker 1: 59:36

Yeah, I'm just deciding which one, because one's extremely capital intensive and I'm trying to work out whether, once again, it's a great marketing expense or not. Both will be fine. I think both will be unique experiences. Same thing Got my wife on board and the people that are important in my life. With both of those, it's just I'm training and I'm definitely believe I could do it. I'm not saying it would be easy, but I feel like. I could, it's just which one and what that would look like.

Speaker 2: 1:00:06

That's really exciting. We should chat because that sounds like an epic project and it'd be interesting to know, like run the numbers and then find out, like how you could get it sponsored or covered in some fun, creative way.

Speaker 1: 1:00:20

Maybe that's a conversation we can have in Brisbane when you're here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm back in a few weeks. I don't know. I've been doing all of that sort of stuff for sure because I think as well you know the brand exposure, you get people on board as well. It's just like because it's got to take more than me anyway, just with a team effort of the food and the driving and the. You know, all the things that I've done physically would not have been possible by myself.

Speaker 2: 1:00:48

That's so exciting. Oh, that's awesome, bro, really great to have you on today and I, yeah, I'm excited. I'd love to tee this up in person when you're here in a few weeks and like chat longer and have coffees and snacks, because there's a lot of different tangents we can take this conversation in. But, man, thank you so much, guys. If you enjoyed this episode, I would love it if you were to share this and tag Locky and myself. Locky, where's the best place to get in touch with you?

Speaker 1: 1:01:27

It's themanthatcamprojectcom, and then my most active on Instagram is at Loplinstuit. But, ryan, I also want to, you know, acknowledge you dudes Like I love people. It takes balls to put yourself out there and create a. I believe a podcast is an extremely vulnerable thing because you're putting yourself out there for criticism and I often find myself being put on the spot with questions and conversation. But the fact that you're doing it, and you're doing it really well, is something that inspires me and I love hanging around people like yourself, people who just get after what they want. They don't sit on the sidelines and judge others, they just get it fucking done.

Speaker 2: 1:02:08

Thank you, oh, it's fun. I feel like that's a separate conversation tied into discipline, and I think like even love to hear your take on moonshots, because in what I hear your personal project is, it's not just a marketing and personal endeavor, it's if this pays off. This could change everything really as well in a lot of ways to business and has that personal sense of accomplishment, but also other doors and opportunities open up, which is exciting, and having the balls to go after that like is amazing.

Speaker 1: 1:02:46

Yeah, I learned that. I don't know if you were at Functional when I did, but I did 30 marathons in 30 days on the Rower, which was a world record at the time. And what I learned from that? Because my sole focus at the time was to bring the community together to get people doing their first fives, 10s, 20s in marathons. And we had I think there was like seven people wrote their first marathon, 14 did their first half. Lots of people did fives and 10s with us. It was unbelievable to watch it happen. But what I recognized from that was there was a great opportunity to capture audiences and tell bigger stories and have a bigger impact. But at the time I don't think I was looking for it, but I wasn't aware. But looking back on my damn missed an opportunity there. So I've definitely got that foresight with the next thing as well.

Speaker 2: 1:03:37

Oh, I'm keen to chat offline and throw my network or connections into the ring to make that a reality too. If that's possible, that'd be epic. So I heard other people rowing. I didn't realize that you were also the man behind it, so that's really cool, guys. Thank you so much for tuning in today, locky. It's been an absolute pleasure having you on the show today and, yeah, looking forward to a part two for sure.

Speaker 1: 1:04:06

Thanks so much for having me on, and I look forward to a coffee and a few snacks when I'm back in Brisbane.

Speaker 2: 1:04:11

Beautiful. Have a great day, guys. Thank you for tuning in today. Until next time. Ciao for now.