Becoming the Man Your Partner Desires #522

Imagine a world where you are the man your woman not only wants but truly desires - a man who understands, supports and cherishes her. This isn't an imaginary world, it's a reality we are about to create together. Join me as we journey through the intricacies of relationships and personal growth. We’ll dive into the nitty-gritty of maintaining attraction, being the right partner, fostering a healthy relationship, and managing emotions like a pro. We’ll also uncover how to set and live up to personal standards, showing you how to be a man who takes charge of his physical appearance, supports his partner, and has a clear purpose in life.

Just imagine how it would feel to be a man who makes his partner feel valued and empowered through effective communication and active listening. We’ll navigate through the steps towards becoming a desirable husband, where understanding and expressing emotions, love languages, and allocating time for oneself and the partner are key. Not just that, we’ll also focus on the importance of believing in oneself and one's capabilities. I’m not just hyping you up, I’m providing a practical, workable framework to help you become the man your partner desires. So, are you ready to embark on this transformational journey to becoming the best version of yourself? It’s time to break the barriers and step into a world where you are the man your partner desires.

Chapters

• 0:00 Becoming the Man Your Wife Desires
• 7:09 Build Strong Relationships With Personal Standards
• 18:22 Becoming a Desirable Husband

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Become the man your wife desires. Yesterday I had a conversation with a client and we had to dive deep because there was a recurring pattern that keeps showing up. And I've been working with this gentleman for you know all up. He's been part of our programs for about two years and one of the cool things about consistency is patterns begin to arise. Not only is he starting to become aware of them, I am as well, and throughout our conversation yesterday we were like why does this keep happening roughly at this timeframe? What's the pattern? And from that conversation is where this episode today is going to go, and also some follow up episodes, because once again, today's episode wants to be about 15 minutes, so it's short and sharp for you guys.

Speaker 1: 0:42

But the other topics I will be covering over the next couple of weeks and it's a reason why you want to subscribe to the man that can project podcast Is these things are going to give you perspectives, insights and strategies. You know the frameworks that I use within our strong meta value academy program to help men become the best version of themselves. So some other things we're going to be covering over the next couple of weeks will be how to know if you're with the right person or partner. Some of the greatest relationship advice that I've received obviously today becoming the man your wife desires how to have a healthy relationship, how to control your emotions, thoughts and feelings, and a lot more so the more you guys engage with me, whether you are a client or you're just someone who's following along or listening. If you want to share your stories with me, I can give you once again, frameworks that I have, that I know work or my own personal experiences to help you guys through Now.

Speaker 2: 1:41

The man that can project podcast a podcast. In powering. We're driven men to live more fulfilling lives. We are here to challenge your beliefs, redefine success and talk about the important stuff in a relatable way. Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. My name's Lockies to it. Let's get into it.

Speaker 1: 2:02

Let's dive in. So I'm on week six in America and absolutely loving it here. And one thing as you can see, for those who are watching on YouTube, the backdrop is different every time. So we have a studio at the apartment, which is cool. Right, it was one of the selling points of why we rent to this apartment. The thing is, it's not really soundproof. So we've been setting up in our living area you know, I'm waiting for some colored lights so you can see that lamp behind them, getting one of those LED ones to change it up to make it look sexy, but also just make it an office space.

Speaker 1: 2:31

I don't know, don't have to keep packing up and putting down. I think the more friction you can alleviate from your life, the more likely it is that you're going to do the things that you know you want to do, whether it's based on health goals or, in this instant, getting these podcast episodes out. So I know I'm going to deliver more quality content once I remove that stress. But let's dive into it. So, becoming the man your wife desires. Relationship breakdowns destroy men, absolutely destroy men. The amount of men that I speak to and I have helped go from a breakdown in a relationship to an absolute breakthrough, you know, is in the hundreds, and I'm not even kidding there. And what I have recognized and I've been very grateful to be able to implement this in my own life and my current relationship with my wife and I guess, looking at past experiences is where does it all go wrong? Where do we go wrong and become undesirable to our partner? And I think, first and foremost, it needs to start with us. When the phrase comes out, be the man your wife desires, you may think well, I don't want to give up who I am as an individual and I would trust and I would assume that as a man, you would be clear on who you are and what you want from your life and based off of that, you're going to have a set of standards, values and beliefs. Now, if you haven't done that, once again keep listening to the podcast, because that will be an episode that comes out, but we do have previous episodes or even join our academy. I will help you with that. But once you've got those values, attitudes and beliefs, you'll be able to understand what qualities expectations you want from a life partner. That's the first and most important part. So for the rest of this episode. Let's just assume that you're in that position. So how do we maintain a position of being desirable to your partner?

Speaker 1: 4:23

So the first one I want to talk about is these personal standards and for me, this is what I focus on. I'll give you a framework at the end to summarize it, so make sure you stay to the end to get that framework that once again you can go dot point by dot point and start answering that for yourself. It's exactly what I would do with someone that I'm working with. But if you look at the personal standards when I first started dating my wife, when I look at things like my physical appearance, so my health overall, so once again I think we see happen and it happens on both sides of the fence. But I'm talking to you because I want you to take responsibility. Your physical appearance are you once again in the best physical shape you can be to be desirable to your wife? I understand at life we go through phases and you take more responsibility and life shifts, but that is no excuse to completely let yourself go. You may not have six pack abs and be like you were in college or in high school, but you can still have a certain level of self respect to where you look after yourself. And still, you know, I look at myself and I look at other people who are extremely fit and healthy, and I know that they have a certain level of self respect because they understand the personal benefits of being fit and healthy, but they also understand how it impacts other people. Right, I'm inspired by people that I see that look good, and I love when my wife comments to me about how my physique is or how I'm looking, because it keeps me desirable. It works on both sides of the fence. I really appreciate that my wife looks after her health. Once again, as we get older. There's things that you can't change, but I know she cares about how she looks and she does it for her own self esteem and self confidence, but it also makes our relationship stronger. So think about that.

Speaker 1: 6:16

And another thing that I've only just really started prioritizing, and it's only really just clicked recently as I heard a story. Well, the story was this A man and a woman you know had been married for about 25 years and this lady was starting to catch the eyes of other men. She'd always be like, wow, he looks nice, he looks nice. And she was always turning her head left and right and she was never looking at her husband until one night. They decided to go for a date night and she'd been seated first. Her husband was coming in a few minutes after running in from a meeting or whatnot, and she noticed that when he walked in, all these women were turning their head left and right, just checking him out, and it was in that moment that she realized that she'd been taking him for granted, taking his physical appearance for granted, and she realized what she had.

Speaker 1: 7:09

And so while it's, you know, we can look left and look right. It's like water. The grass is green and where you water it, appreciate what you've got, and you want to also appreciate yourself as well, because, once again, many of us, our self esteem diminishes because we aren't comfortable in our own skin. So that first personal standard I would encourage you to have is your physical appearance. Take pride in your appearance. How you look, how you dress, how you smell, things that I've always been like, it doesn't matter, I'm just going to show up. That's what I was like. And then, only recently, as I've watched these, especially in America, you know, there's so many people who dress so well and I'm like man I'm. He's a bloody sexy bastard, why? Or the way he dressed, the pride, the detachment himself, and it makes me go. I wonder what he does. So think about that. That's something to consider.

Speaker 1: 7:58

The second personal standard that your wife will desire is support Right. So many of us, many men, believe that our way, our job, sorry is to provide financially, which, yes, I do believe you have a role to do that. But just because you're at work all day and providing financially does not mean you slack off at home. Whether you've got children or you've got a wife who is also working at home, it's not her responsibility to look after all the household chores. Some couples never discuss what roles are in the relationship. There's assumptions, and the assumptions of what happened 10, 20, 30 years ago doesn't work. We have seen the divorce rates. So if we see something that's broken, we need to start asking questions to understand how we can fix that.

Speaker 1: 8:44

And what I've seen is as a man and how I work in our relationship is my wife is ambitious and I support her in her career. That's why we have moved overseas right, but she's supported me in so many ways as well. So as much as I'm out working, you know, eight to 12 hours a day and she's doing her thing. I'll still come home, I'll cook, I'll clean and one's going to be take turns in all of this. But we share responsibilities because I want to support her and I understand that if she's constantly doing these mundane tasks she's not going to be inspired, she's not going to, you know, feel valued, she's not going to feel heard. And when your wife doesn't feel valued or doesn't feel heard or appreciated, good luck building a deeper love, a deeper relationship. You want to become desirable bull. So little pause there, my tongue got caught. But if you want to remain desirable, constantly be bettering yourself daily. And it's not about doing everything. So she has to do nothing. There's standards and expectations, but don't just assume that things are gonna be done.

Speaker 1: 9:48

Third one, from a personal standard point, is having purpose. When I was working for someone, I was earning an hourly wage, I was getting told what to do and I was very unhappy. Now some people lack that way of living. I love having the security of knowing what they're getting paid. I love not having to think about what they're doing. But that didn't work for me and when I didn't have purpose, when I didn't have certainty in my life, who I was as an individual was a bit flaky right, I was a bit all over the shot. So the moment that I recognized a few things and I got clear on what I valued and what I value most and I've spoken about this a number of times and once again, we help men get clear on this in our academy. You know strong men of value but I got clear that I wanted to always have connection in my life, connection being people around me who make me feel valued, make me feel heard and appreciated, but also challenge me to hold my standards and be better and actually enjoy life. That's what the connection that I want. So it's not always so much fixated on people. People come and go, but once in work hard on those relationships.

Speaker 1: 10:52

The second is health, and when I look at health I mean mental, physical, emotional, spiritual. I'm always wanting to be around people who are like that and also having time allocated in my life to do that, all right. So because of that purpose, it's like every day I know what I'm doing and I believe that you will be much more desirable to your wife if you've got purpose, if you stand for something, if you get up and she knows she's like that's my man, that's what he's doing today, as opposed to a dude who's just sort of going through the motions. So think about how you can find your purpose, and I'm not saying you need to start a business. To me, finding purpose is very simple what do you want, what do you want your life to look like? And then you start creating a bit of a checklist. So, simply put, when I was transitioning from being a carpenter working for someone into a business, I tried a number of different careers and within all of those careers I learned specific skills. I learned what I did like, what I didn't like, and I just kept moving along until I started understanding myself a lot more. Because, once again, I know we said at the beginning of this we'll assume that you know what you want and what your life's like, but most people don't know that. Okay, so make sure you tune into a lot more of the content here. So those personal standards where your physical appearance make sure you're supporting, and that's just not financially, it's emotionally, it's chores around the head. You know just things that make your partner or wife feel appreciated and valued.

Speaker 1: 12:17

The second one is communication. This one is huge. We talk every day, but do we really communicate? What that means to me is are we listening, are we understanding and are we making people feel valued and empowered? Many of us are listening only to rebut or only to add on, rather than letting the conversation go where it goes. And that's what I've learned from doing all these podcasts is. I used to always be like this is the point I want to say, and I would just not listen to whatever else or the direction of the conversation was going. I wouldn't go with the flow and I'd just bring it back a few notches. What I've now learned is yes, you may have some value to add to that point in the conversation, but if the individual that you're talking to, if your wife's still going, just let the conversation go. Allow her to feel heard.

Speaker 1: 13:07

There's nothing more desirable to a lady than a man who makes them feel valued and heard and doesn't feel like they need to fix it all the time. So a great book that you can read by Gary Chapman, five love languages. And when I was first dating Amy, I would get home, I reckon, at least once a month and there would be a package on the bench like a gift and I was like man, she loves giving me gifts Like this is nice. I don't personally love getting gifts, but I appreciate the thought and it wasn't until I read the book the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman that I understood where it was coming from. Her love language, what makes her feel valued, appreciated and loved, is gifts. And from that moment I was like, wow, she's been showering me in love in the way that she loves to receive love For me. I love quality time. I love physical touch, as I think a lot of blokes do. But it was interesting to be able to read that and I was able to then share that to my wife. So I became more desirable because I was like her love language is gifts. Let's make sure that I put it in my calendar every sporadically to give her a gift, to let her know that I do value and I do appreciate her. Once again, that's a huge one.

Speaker 1: 14:17

Another point on that communication is your emotional control, and we were talking about this in the academy a few weeks ago and I recommended a tool that I knew guys can Google it now is the wheel of emotions, so understanding what or where the emotions are coming from, what's really going on, because the more away you become of your emotions, then you can start understanding what the triggers are, you can understand what you need to do to manage it and what you need to do to get the outcome that you want when you're in those emotional states. Because, as a really good quote that I heard From a podcast maybe, where I say, when your emotions are high, your intellect is low, and I was like, right, so I need to manage my intellect to be able to really navigate situations in the for the best possible outcome. So consider that, with the emotional control, check out the Will of emotions definitely a great resource. And then the final thing, from a communication standpoint, direction and certainty. It's so important to know what you and your wife are creating together.

Speaker 1: 15:20

Most people get in a relationship and they never start understanding and learning more about what your partner values. You just assume, right, you don't understand boundaries or expectations. You may not Set goals together. You may just assume that, hey, we're going to go to school, build a family and that's life. But what do you want to experience? What do you want to see? What places do you want to visit? What foods do you want to try? What businesses do you want to build? Start thinking about that, because when you've got certainty, you can start making decisions. And a man who is in a place where he's making decisions quickly and he knows what he wants and he's able to lead Once again allows your wife to feel more secure. She feels like you're taking care of her and it's not because she needs taking care of she doesn't, but it's because she wants to feel secure allows her to feel like she's allowed to let her guard down a little bit. So that's something to think about building a life together.

Speaker 1: 16:16

So, just from those communication pieces, go read the book the five love languages, check out the will of emotion to start understanding your emotions a bit, a bit better, and then start talking about what you guys want to communicate so you can be more direct and create more certainty in making those things happen. Because when you're trying to achieve something, you go, hey, don't remember, this is what we're working towards. So we need to tighten the budget a little bit here. We need to make sure we stand at this night because we've got this goal. Tomorrow I will to lead. So the framework that I would recommend going through and grab a pen, grab a paper for this one and you can write this down and think about it in your own time. Number one know who you are and what you want. Number one, point a know what your wife wants, and this is both from life for both you, but also from love right. So, individually and collectively.

Speaker 1: 17:12

The second thing is get clear on what the best version of yourself looks like. In order to make that a reality, I have had a number of reality checks over the year I it's not about not liking who you are not feeling good enough. It's understanding that who you are now is not going to be the version of yourself that you will be. In order to get those outcomes otherwise you already have it you need to challenge who you are, because you're gonna have to think differently, you're gonna have to act differently. You're gonna have to behave differently. It's not about doing things that are incongruent, though they should still feel like they're a part of you. They're just a better part, and you know I've had to learn more about health to make sure that I can have the energy and vitality to keep up with all the things I'm doing in my life and to bring the energy to the relationship. I've had to learn a bucket load about money and about creating wealth and time, freedom, investing all those things I spent a lot of time learning about. I spent over a hundred thousand dollars. I've lost almost a hundred thousand dollars this year In lessons. I call it a lesson. So Through all of that, you got to do those things.

Speaker 1: 18:22

If it aligns to where you want to go and what you're trying to create with your wife, I've become more desirable because I know who I am as a man. I know what I want and I know what I'm creating for myself and I know what my wife and I are creating together. She loves the fact that I go after what I know we need to do. I make sacrifices, I make decisions. It allows her to feel safe and secure to pursue what she wants to pursue. I've had to understand. I need to get better at communication. I've had vocal coaches. I constantly am writing to understand my thoughts more so I can articulate how I think and how I feel, because many men don't ever do that and they go. I just can't articulate how I feel. It's like okay, and then are you going to allow that to be a reason why you don't ever learn, that you don't allow your relationship or your wife to understand you, or are you going to do something about it? Learn to articulate what you want, and once again, we can teach you that in the academy, and then same with friends, I've had to get clear on who I want to surround myself with. That's been hugely important, so that's something to consider as well. Now, number three I was just giving you some dot points there.

Speaker 1: 19:29

What do you need to make time for If you aren't making time for the things that are going to make your wife desire you? So once again, health, a lot of bloke sacrifice that I don't have time. It's busy at work, all right. Well, your wife's probably not going to hang around if you continue to maintain that Work, relationships, time with buddies. What do you need to make time for? Start doing that now. People say I will when I will, when the goalposts always move. If you don't start allocating time now, it's going to be so much harder sorry to fit that time in. I've been guilty of that for such a long time. So just make time. It's like I schedule these podcasts every week. Schedule training.

Speaker 1: 20:15

We had a date night last night. I checked this out last night. So my wife loves true crime and I'd imagine a lot of you dudes your wife's love true crime or those ghost stories on YouTube. Anyway, we were looking for a date night idea last night and we were going to hit the comedy bar. Unfortunately we sold out. So then we're like all right, what else can we do? We want to do something a bit different. We Google and found a jazz bar Same thing, all booked out and I'm like, oh my goodness, what else can we do? There's always something happening in Nashville. Anyway, amy found this ghost tour that left from the state Capitol building. I'm not look, I listen to it, but I'm not into all that sort of stuff so much. But wow, what an experience. Like such a unique date night. It started at 9pm so we almost passed my bedtime, but we had a tour around Nashville for almost two hours seeing all these incredible landmarks and hearing the haunting stories, but also a bit of the history around the Civil War and all of that sort of stuff. So it was a great once again thing for us to build our relationship. It become more desirable because I'm making her feel valued. I'm making her feel you know, loved and appreciated by doing something that she really wanted to do.

Speaker 1: 21:29

And the fourth point and last point, I'll recap this framework in a second what do you need to believe about yourself, or what do you so? What do you believe about yourself and what do you need to believe about yourself? This is where we start looking at identifying limiting beliefs, challenging and then changing those beliefs so that you can achieve the outcomes that you want from your life. So recap, number one know who you are and what you want to know what you want from your life, both personally and professionally, and so, for your wife, get clear on what the best version of yourself is. You know, health, wealth, relationships, etc. Thirdly, what do you need to make time for? Time management is key. And fourth, what do you believe about yourself and need to believe? This is where we start shifting your beliefs, because what you believe will impact how you think, act and behave. So, gents, those are what I believe will allow you to become more of a man that your wife desires.

Speaker 1: 22:21

It's not about neglecting those things. So your physical appearance, supporting, having purpose, understanding, the communication things of your emotions, the love languages, and there's so much more we can dive into and obviously I don't want to spend a whole heap on it today, but keep coming back. Make sure you hit follow, because I'm going to be doing so. A lot more specific episodes around relationships, around health that are going to give you tools and frameworks that you can literally listen to, write them down and then just take some time to think about it and write some answers and really start understanding more of this for yourself. Thank you for tuning in. If you got value, make sure you leave a rating and review on whichever platform you're listening on. Those rating and reviews help me get bigger and better guests on which I can learn from and share knowledge with you guys, but also have you guys listen in to the episodes as well. My name is Alfon Stewart. Thanks for tuning in.