How To Keep Financial Worries From Derailing Your Marriage #598

• Financial worries can have a significant impact on a marriage and can lead to relationship breakdowns.
• Trust and communication are crucial in ensuring financial security in a marriage.
• Regular financial discussions and sharing financial priorities can help strengthen a couple's financial security.
• Creating a financial plan together can provide clarity and reduce stress in a marriage.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Financial Worries and Marriage Communication
• 11:06 Building Financial Security Through Communication
• 16:19 Personal Progress and Future Plans

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:38

Now I'm sure I'm not the first person to be in this situation, and today I want to share something that actually happened yesterday. So it wasn't the podcast I was expecting to make, but one that I feel I wanted to share with you guys, something that I feel 100% but a lot of you will relate to and probably can either offer me some feedback or insights or take some of the things that I've thought about on board, and it's around how to keep financial worries from derailing your marriage. Now, I know and I've spoken a lot about it that one of the biggest reasons for a relationship breakdown is finances. Finances is something that we all need to be mindful of, all need to be in control of, yet it's one of those taboo topics like sex and money, for whatever reason, are taboo. They're danced around. Yet we all have a bank account, we all have financial goals, we all get paid in dollars and money. It's an exchange of value, yet we put our heads in the sand about it, or most people do, and I speak very openly about things that are going on in my life, things that I'm learning about, challenges that I'm dealing with or overcoming, and this is no different things that I'm learning about challenges that I'm dealing with or overcoming, and this is no different. Financial security isn't just about numbers, it's about trust and communication.

Speaker 1: 3:13

So yesterday I was rocked. I'd just come home from training, ran two marathons in two days for those who are following on social media and I noticed my wife, amy, was looking a little bit stressed, so I asked her what was wrong. We sat down to have a yarn and she shared her worries about our future, right About our finances and how on earth we were going to support a family. And my first thought was what do you mean? We have an investment property, we have plenty of crypto and we have good savings, so how could you be worried about our finances? This is what my mind is doing. This is the conversation, but I'm very fortunate that I now know to not just start trying to solve things, but more so to listen, to understand what's really going on. So, instead of jumping in, I did decide to listen and as Amy continued to talk, I had a realization that hit me like a ton of bricks she didn't feel financially secure in our marriage, feel financially secure in our marriage, and when I had that realization, my heart sunk and part of who I thought I was copped a hammering. I like to pride myself on someone who's putting in the work to be a good man, to be a good husband, to be a good provider.

Speaker 1: 4:45

And in that moment, that realization, I realized I was failing. And I want to be very clear. I'm well aware that failing doesn't define you as a failure. It's how you respond to that. And I continued to listen to Amy and I still had this thought in the back of my mind and I knew I was going to come back to it later on. And, as I was saying, like financially, financial security is something that I've always aimed to provide. I've taken on that role willingly and I work hard, I'm careful with how I manage our money, and yet it still isn't enough. Have I failed?

Speaker 1: 5:27

And the conversation took its course and we felt good about it when we finished it up and I promised her and I even said hey, let's sit down and have another meeting and I'll run you through our numbers, because we used to do that. We used to talk about where our finances were, what investments we had, whether we were losing or gaining money on certain things, and we were just across the board. And I think it was more so the fact that she knew we had a plan for the future and we were staying on top of it, which I still personally think I am. I'm maybe just not communicating it, which is why the trust and communication part really rose its head when I was thinking about it yesterday afternoon. So I spent some time reflecting on this before even writing this week's newsletter. You know, I literally wrote this this morning because I thought about it. Yesterday afternoon went for a walk and then I was like I'm going to push the newsletter that I've already written because I want to write about this one, because I want to make sense of it and even though I'm not on top of it, I've thought about it, I've processed it and I thought, hey, I'm not the only one who goes through this, for sure, and I want to share my thoughts and I want to share my perspective with you. And, for those of you who are listening along, feel free to reach out to me on Instagram. If you're watching on YouTube, share a comment in the comments below.

Speaker 1: 6:57

But every relationship is different, but in ours, I've chosen to take responsibility for ensuring that Amy feels financially secure. I want my family to feel financially secure because I know what it's like to not have that security. So for me, this means making sure she knows that our family will be taken care of, that we have a goal and we have a plan that we're working towards. But the real issue wasn't money, it was communication. Did you know that 46% of people don't talk about money with their partners and money arguments are the second leading cause of divorce? So, within our community, relationship breakdown is one of the big reasons why men often join the Strongman of Value Academy, because it's very easy for us to be focused on creating wealth and providing financial stability and security that we forget to continue investing in the relationships and communicating where we're at, what we're working on, what challenges we have. Continue investing in the relationships and communicating where we're at what we're working on, what challenges we have, investing in the relationship. And they come to the academy because they go hey, I want to improve this area because I know other areas of my life are great, but I want to improve this and I know that I need to be around like-minded, strong men who can hold me accountable, share perspectives and insights that I can learn and grow to become better with. That is one of the most powerful things about the academy is those perspectives and the implementation that you will be working with.

Speaker 1: 8:39

So, after much thought, I came up with one main question that I believe is important to answer. Thought I came up with one main question that I believe is important to answer what can I do to prevent finances from impacting my marriage? So that question again what can I do to prevent finances from impacting my marriage? So, like most things, the process goes like this awareness, acceptance, planning, taking action. So the awareness piece was how do I become aware that the finances or my financial situation is impacting my marriage? For me, it's recognizing. When my wife's stressed We've worked hard on building strong, honest communication over the years and I ask what's wrong, she'll usually tell me what's going on.

Speaker 1: 9:37

The second piece I need to accept sorry, the acceptance piece. I need to accept how she feels and seek to understand what needs to happen to change that. What can my role be in the solution without just painting it out? As men, we often try to find a logical solution like earning more money, but that's not always the answer. Thirdly, is the planning piece? So financial security is more than just numbers on a bank account right? Often it's about having a plan for the future and ensuring that both partners are part of the financial conversation.

Speaker 1: 10:14

No one likes being kept in the dark and after my conversation with Amy, she's like I don't even know how much money you make. And I was like because here's how our finances are laid out and I'll share this with you guys just briefly. We have our own separate bank accounts, but we also have a joint account and every week we transfer the same amount into the joint account and that way it's like I don't have control over what she does with her other money and vice versa. But we have a goal and a mortgage and all of that sort of stuff that gets paid with that joint account. And I was like that's fair. Well, I'm more than happy to start sharing that with you and I'll bring you into the conversation. I just didn't think you wanted to be bored, Not even bored. I just didn't think you were interested. But now that you're interested, let's have that conversation, let's bring you into that piece there and let's start talking about money across the park.

Speaker 1: 11:07

So a lot of stress comes from the fear of the unknown or uncertainty. If you can manage that, you can minimize stress. Why do both parties need to be in the loop with finances is probably something that you're thinking. Well, I can't give you an exact answer for yourself, but I think there's enough data. It's not both of you actively working on it, but both of you are aware of what game you're playing. That is what's important. So communication and trust is super important. So what steps can you take today to improve your financial security? In your marriage Number one that I've written down and feel free once again, reach out to me. If you're in the academy, drop it in the marriage Number one that I've written down, and feel free once again, reach out to me. If you're in the academy, drop it in the academy. If you're on YouTube, drop it in the comments.

Speaker 1: 12:18

But talk about finances regularly. We did this for a period of time, but I've dropped the ball recently. I think when things are going well, it's very easy to stop doing the things that led you to that point, because, like hey, I don't need to continue doing this, which doesn't make sense, but it also does. So I'll be looking to bring this back at least every second week as a dinner conversation, right? Personally, I'd love to talk about how our investments are going, how our businesses are doing, because we both have our own businesses and what we have coming up. It doesn't need to be a super long conversation, just make sure we both are on the same page. Right, it could take five minutes, it doesn't need to be. Pull out the spreadsheets and whiteboards, let's go to town. It's just hey, this is what's happening. Do you have any questions? Is there anything that I could ask you?

Speaker 1: 13:01

The second point is share financial priorities. Money is different for everyone, how we use it. What's important to us safety, security, having money to spend so I used to think the more money we earned, the better. But financial security, as I said earlier, isn't just about wealth. It's about sharing financial priorities. So, rather than just earning money to be wealthy, maybe you need to communicate, or maybe I needed to communicate it in a way that I'm earning money to support our family, because that's a priority that Amy has. So it's interesting when you can start thinking about and sharing the priorities because you can say, hey, we actually do want the same thing. We've just been saying it in the wrong way. Our language isn't matching up. Our language isn't matching up, our communication isn't matching up, but I'm 100% on board with what your goal is right. That really throws your support behind each other. So the emotional link is very important, or even crucial.

Speaker 1: 14:00

The third point I've put here is create a financial plan together, so discuss what needs to happen for both of you to feel financially secure. It could be planning for the future, aiming for a specific income or savings amount, limiting debt or just knowing that someone is managing the finances. I choose to take responsibility because I care about my financial future. I care about my and sorry more importantly, I care about my wife and our family and our marriage. So one thing I would love you to think about today is what will you do to start improving the financial security of your family? Schedule your first money meeting and take that first crucial step.

Speaker 1: 14:46

I guess if you're thinking about, what do I talk about in a money meeting? Dave Ramsey is someone who I love, who talks about money. The Barefoot Investor is a great book to talk about, but if you don't have time to read or listen yet, I would suggest making time for those things that are important, but just start with hey, what's important to you with money? How much money would you like us to earn? Is there a certain savings number do you feel financially secure with in our relationship? And that's probably a good starting point because you can start asking why or how would you need to feel? How can we make you feel that way? And it just opens that dialogue, understanding that you may not get it right and there is no real right.

Speaker 1: 15:27

I think just starting to have the conversation is building the strength to have it better, rep by rep. So something to think about, something that obviously came up in my life that I wanted to share with you. And yeah, that's the weekly newsletter. So thank you, guys for tuning in. Once again, if you're enjoying the show, make sure you please leave a rating and review.

Speaker 1: 15:49

We are rebranding as of episode 600, so not too far away, which is bloody exciting. And just another thing a huge reason I love the Strong Men of Value Academy is because experiences like this are shared from all of our members. Being able to learn from men from all walks of life puts you in a powerful position to build a great life. So if you want to join the waitlist, head over to the man that Can Project website and just go to Strongman of Value and join the waitlist. The new intake opens up soon.

Speaker 1: 16:19

I just want to share as well a quick recap, some personal progress over the last seven days. I landed back in the USA and we're ready to launch the life design blueprint which is coming soon. You probably heard that ad at the start. I ran two marathons in two days and have totaled over 112 kilometers in four days, which is my personal best the first time I've done that and I'll talk more about that later. New intake open soon. What we've got coming up. So a lot of the podcast episodes after the next couple are going to be me interviewing people who can help me best prepare for the 58 to 58. So I'm excited to bring those expert guests in there. And, as of Sunday, we're kicking off on our East Coast tour around Denver, colorado, salt Lake City, seattle, san Fran, sacramento, la, phoenix and then back to Nashville. So it's going to be a busy, busy few days, but I'm very, very excited for it. As always, do something today to be better for tomorrow. My name is Lachlan Stewart. Thank you guys for listening in.