Infertility, Emotions, and Finding Strength as a Couple | Amy Sheppard #623

This week I share an episode with my wife Amy and we talk about our infertility journey for the first time. With raw honesty, humor, and heartfelt moments, they open up about:

💔 Why we decided to take control of our story and share it publicly.
😂 Lachie’s awkward adventures at the fertility clinic.
💕 The emotional and mental challenges of unexplained infertility.
🤝 Finding support and breaking the silence on this important topic.

This is an episode about love, resilience, and navigating challenges together. Join us for a deeply personal conversation that’s as relatable as it is heartfelt.

🎧 Don’t miss this mix of tears, laughter, and hope. Subscribe now for more!

Chapters

• 0:00 Navigating Infertility
• 10:09 Navigating Infertility Challenges and Disclosure
• 15:55 Sharing Infertility Journey and Support
• 25:07 Wedding Day Champagne Plans

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Guys, today, on the man that Can Project, we've got a special episode. So it's an episode that I did with my wife, amy, and we put it on our other podcast, couple Goals, where we're talking about our journey with IVF. So I wanted to share it because I think it's a conversation that a lot of people don't talk about but a lot of people experience. So if you take away anything or if you have any questions, make sure you drop them in the comments or flick me a message on social media and remember happy or merry christmas and happy new year.

Speaker 1: 0:28

Look forward to being 23 days away from kicking off the 58 marathons in 58 days across all 50 states of america and all eight states and territories of australia. So it's going to be a fun one, but I'm currently in mexico as we're recording this one or I'm editing it, but I'm sure you'll get a lot of value out of it and I look forward to hearing everyone's stories or experiences with infertility. As always, do something today to be better for tomorrow. You did something this morning I was at coffee with the boys.

Speaker 2: 0:58

Who did you have coffee with?

Speaker 1: 0:59

I had coffee with James, Liam and Jazza.

Speaker 2: 1:02

Right.

Speaker 1: 1:04

And my phone started blowing up. I had no idea what was going on and you posted something on social media.

Speaker 2: 1:12

I did.

Speaker 1: 1:13

And I think it's probably a good place to start. It's probably a good place for this whole episode. So we're not going to do our get to know us because this one is really getting to know us. I think what Amy posted it's cool because now we can sort of don't have to be careful what we talk about.

Speaker 2: 1:31

I feel like the last couple of weeks or the last bit, as we've been going through what Amy's going to talk about we've had to like sort of sidestep or tread carefully around this conversation, but amy's done it yeah, I think we've been wanting to share the news that we are have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. Love that for us, um, and I didn't realize we were diagnosed yeah, it's a diagnosis, it's a real, I think it's a disease?

Speaker 1: 2:05

No, I'm not buying that. Some people call it a disease. No, I'm not buying that.

Speaker 2: 2:10

What do you think it?

Speaker 1: 2:10

is it's not a disease or it's not a label. It's like you just got to get on with it. Yeah, I mean, I hate it when they say you are diagnosed. I'm like right?

Speaker 2: 2:20

Well, the reason they diagnose you is so you can get Medicare benefits, because if you don't have the diagnosis, you don't get the benefits.

Speaker 1: 2:26

So if you don't get, the label you don't get the now. That can be good in this case, but in some instances it's probably not good. But we're not going to go down that rabbit hole. Let's talk about this.

Speaker 2: 2:36

Yeah, so I don't know. We've been dealing with it for years, I guess. All in all, probably two years We've been trying for a Stuart Little.

Speaker 1: 2:48

I've never heard you say that, Stuart Little. I like that.

Speaker 2: 2:51

But it hasn't been easy for us, it's been fun. For the most part, I don't know I enjoy it, I don't think it's been fun. Lockie, it was fun for a while. I'm like, oh, this is exciting and new and we're going to have a baby soon. And month after month goes on and no baby.

Speaker 1: 3:15

It's crazy to me that you spend so much time in your younger years doing whatever you can from a contraceptive standpoint so you don't get pregnant, meaning condoms, the pill, the pull-out method.

Speaker 2: 3:23

Everyone knows what contraception method is.

Speaker 1: 3:26

I know, but I just wanted to take them down, my idea of it, anyway. And then you just go for it and you've just realized that it's not as easy as first thought, for us anyway. So I'm like I've wasted a lot of money on condoms, contraception. We're trying to make light heart of a frustrating situation.

Speaker 2: 3:47

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, and I guess we didn't say anything earlier or make it public, because it is a really personal issue, obviously and also you hope to have that surprise moment for everyone, for yourself, that surprise moment that you always dreamed of, being like, oh, we're pregnant, but that's something that we're never going to have, which is I mean it will be a surprise.

Speaker 1: 4:09

Don't say never yeah.

Speaker 2: 4:10

When we, but not the traditional way that you always hope for.

Speaker 1: 4:13

Potentially, I still don't give up hope.

Speaker 2: 4:17

For what A surprise.

Speaker 1: 4:18

Just for a fucking surprise.

Speaker 2: 4:20

That's right, that's true.

Speaker 1: 4:26

It could happen any day really, Because we both know some of your friends have been told they would never get pregnant and then they ended up pregnant. So for me I'm like, okay, there's still things. I've heard so much around stress and so many things yeah.

Speaker 2: 4:36

I guess in my head I never wanted to even tell people we were trying, I just wanted it to be not a thing. So I think I was sort of probably in a denial for a really long time, like, oh, it'll happen, it takes longer for some people. Rah rah Sort of spoke to my doctor about it and they're like okay, well, you know, give it another six months, and if not, we'll circle back.

Speaker 1: 4:56

And so yeah, six months later, after already a year of trying I think that's when we got the diagnosis, and then since then it's been another but maybe we should talk about what that whole process has been like, because I think it's like, once again, it's shit, and I think it's always worse for the women, like men definitely don't talk about it either, and it's not always like men. Everyone needs to get tested, because quite often I think the blame potentially falls on the women. I would say but we've both done heaps of tests. We did genetic testing originally, like to make sure anyway. I think everyone should yeah, everyone should do genetic testing.

Speaker 2: 5:38

We did that before we even knew that yeah, we were having any issues and it turns out I'm a carrier for cystic fibrosis.

Speaker 1: 5:46

Yeah, and the reason why you do that is if you both have sort of matching genes that are for various things, like they obviously recommend, or give you the option for IVS, yeah, so luckily Lockie had to get genetic tested as well and he wasn't a carrier for cystic fibrosis. I just said I was a freak.

Speaker 2: 6:04

That means that's good. That means we can't pass it on. We can pass on the recessive gene, but we can't pass on cystic fibrosis. So, anyway, I think I really strongly recommend everybody goes before trying. If they can Go and get tested, genetically tested it's something you'll never regret doing. But anyway, from then we were like okay, let's start trying.

Speaker 1: 6:28

It's like Christmas comes early, you know what I mean. Like for a bloke. You're just like sweet, I can saddle up every day or whatever it is, but then it starts getting more. I feel like over time you get more pressure on it and the pressure sort of takes the fun out of it and you feel like every month when you're doing your, you check and it's like a no.

Speaker 1: 6:51

You're like fuck and then like for me, as a bloke I'm so when we did our testing, so, as I'll explain how it goes for blokes, because people don't talk about it, I think it's a funny story. Okay, I don't really care, so I'm going to talk about it.

Speaker 1: 7:03

I think it's a funny story. Okay, I don't really care, so I'm going to talk about it. So when you're going to go get tested the women obviously have well, you can share your story, I'll share mine. Get their test. But then, as a bloke, you got to go have this weird, really weird experience and I went around the corner. So I'm going to tell this full story I've rolled in. When you book in, you've obviously got to produce a sample like come in a cup, essentially, and so Produce a sample.

Speaker 1: 7:31

Yeah, produce a sample. I'm like okay.

Speaker 2: 7:33

Come in a cup, okay.

Speaker 1: 7:34

Yeah. So I've gone around and like when you book in, they're like do you want to produce at home? If you live within x amount, you can do that because you need to get it to us within an hour, or if you don't, you got to produce in-house. And I was like that's an easy one, I'm around the corner, I'm going to produce at home. I'm going to lay on the comfort of my own bed and do the thing how nice how?

Speaker 1: 7:56

yeah, exactly like awesome. But I've walked in there next minute old love's talking about how her son went to school with amy and yada, yada, yada and I was like, well, this is weird how did she know?

Speaker 1: 8:07

checks the record, because you obviously have to say who your partner is, because they but anyway. So then she's also like okay, here's your cup, just go in the room. I was like I thought I was taking that cup and I was going back home. She's like no, no, no, no, we've got you for in-house. So I'm rolling in and I'm like sweating balls because there's all these people and they know exactly what you're there to do.

Speaker 2: 8:28

They see it multiple times, I know.

Speaker 1: 8:29

but it's not every day that I just go rip it in a private room. It's so embarrassing so it's very, and so the whole time that experience is happening I'm just thinking they know what I'm in here doing. I can't even think about doing the thing. I'm thinking about trying to burp a worm and fucking get out there and get it done, and then I'm going to walk back out with a cup and be like here you go and then you're like is it enough?

Speaker 2: 8:55

You had to do it multiple times because we had multiple tests plus the IVF.

Speaker 1: 9:00

I've got some stories for you guys, if you want to hear more of my stories, of my testing.

Speaker 2: 9:05

I think that's quite enough.

Speaker 1: 9:06

Comment below because I've got some stories. You're a veteran at coming in the cup. I'm a veteran and I do love when I go for a run with the boys or whatever. I give them the come in the cup stories and they've got their own stories for their own reasons. So I can definitely pass some of those on. But enough about me, let's go back to Amy.

Speaker 2: 9:27

I think it's funny. I just want to talk about being recognized through this process, because it's been one of my biggest fears. It's so embarrassing. Infertility is embarrassing.

Speaker 1: 9:40

Why do you find it embarrassing?

Speaker 2: 9:43

Well, not just that, but even just going to chemists for something personal and getting recognised is just the worst. I'm not at a level like Ariana Grande or Taylor Swift where a doctor comes to you and you can just like have that luxury of privacy. But, yeah, being in the public eye can be very hard. For that reason, yeah, and we were recognised multiple times throughout this experience, which is part of the reason why I'm sharing it, because eventually I feel like it's going to come out. Yeah. Yeah, I mean that's been quite hard, especially in times where, like, I hadn't yet told my family or friends yet and I just was like so worried about somebody telling somebody who told my mum, or something like that, because it was just, yeah, I mean, and it's embarrassing, you don't want everyone to know your business, or you know somebody else sees you in the clinic like a fan, not necessarily a doctor or a nurse or whatever, but a fan. You know someone else going through the same experience.

Speaker 1: 10:42

So, yeah, that's been fun, it is bad and for anyone listening, like for any doctors that listen, don't ever blurt it. I reckon it happened like two or three times where people are like, oh my God, amy Shepard, and then they're talking about how they've told the other nurses that you're in and you're like, hold up, isn't the whole point of coming here, like confidentiality and everything like that, but then you're chin-wagging about it. So then we're like, fuck, who else knows? And so then, yeah, that's probably why what led us to wanting to do this publicly, because I feel like eventually it's going to get out, because people are, and nothing against the doctors or nurses, they're just excited. It's not malicious. No.

Speaker 2: 11:28

But I just feel like it just takes one person to tell another person Next minute the career males are like hey. Yeah, so that wasn't a really fun experience, but I think it's important that we've taken control of our story now and we can share. I think we just wanted to share it on our own terms. You know it's hard to share when you're not ready.

Speaker 1: 11:56

Well, yeah, over the last couple of months I feel like we've wanted to talk about it, but it's probably getting more to a point of acceptance. Watching you over, especially over the last two weeks you've maybe three weeks since we went to Montville, because Amy has been talking a lot more about it to people but then been like, oh, maybe we should tell people or maybe you know your Instagram posts and I was like, yeah, whatever, like I'm easy, I thought I was. And then when it posted, I was like holy shit, now everyone knows. And you're like walking down and you're like does that person know? And are they thinking I'm weird? But it also comes back to like we've had. I literally went for a run with a guy this morning and they're pregnant, which is awesome. And then we caught up with your friend yesterday they're pregnant, it's awesome. And then we caught up with my friend last week and they're pregnant which is awesome.

Speaker 2: 12:49

In the space of a week, we've had three of our friends share their pregnancy news, which is that you're happy for them, but it's also like a bit of a punch in the guts at the same time.

Speaker 1: 12:58

It's such a weird experience yeah and you don't want to. Yeah, you definitely don't want to sound bad and we obviously don't. Then don't talk about it at all, because I don't think any of them knew, because after you celebrate the exciting news you don't want to bring it down.

Speaker 2: 13:11

Yeah, and they're like so what's happening with you? When are you going to have kids? And you're like, oh, you know we're going're busy.

Speaker 2: 13:20

So yeah, that's been hard to navigate as well. But yeah, again taking control of our own story now ripping the Band-Aid off because I think there was it sort of got to a point where we had told some of our close friends if the time was right. It's always hard to bring up, especially in a group situation. So we kind of told the friends who we had had a one-on-one lunch with, or we had the opportunity to tell. So some of our friends and family even didn't know until the post, which I feel very guilty about. But it's just never a good time to bring up infertility. It's embarrassing.

Speaker 1: 13:56

And you also. I feel like you don't want to talk about it straight after that because we've already. I think when you're talking about great things, you're always like if you are having a kid, you're always happy to talk about it because it's new and exciting, but if you're constantly talking about the bad things, it's not fun.

Speaker 2: 14:13

No, it's not fun and it's like I don't know if I told you I like burst into tears one day, talking about it at lunch in public and I was just like, oh, I can't.

Speaker 1: 14:23

I was not at our lunch. When did that happen?

Speaker 2: 14:25

It was like when I was still on hormones, so you know I was very emotional. But that's when I realized I couldn't really talk about it to everyone at once, because it's just like opening wounds over and over again and I don't want to be the person who cries at lunch.

Speaker 1: 14:43

What a downer. No, I'm kidding, but what has it been like for you personally, like what thoughts have gone through your head? Because I know, I don't know whether you're going to talk about the song, but I'm going to talk about it because people who listen to the podcast deserve to know before everyone else. But you wrote a song. You broke me with it when we were at Montville to know before everyone else. But you wrote a song. You broke me with it when we were at Montville. You broke yourself with it too, probably. But for me it's like normally, when there's a problem in my life, you can just outwork a problem and find a solution and solve it. But this is one of those things where we're very lucky, there's potential solutions or there's options, but nothing's guaranteed. So for me I find that really hard yeah, it just takes.

Speaker 2: 15:28

You just don't have any control over it. Really, um, I feel like we we are problem solvers and we've always managed to get through things by just like working through it or like finding a solution. But with this it's literally just you just have to go through the motions and like try different things. We've tried everything. We're also we also have a naturopath. So if anyone's out there thinking we've just jumped to IVF, we haven't. We've gone through everything everything, um.

Speaker 2: 15:55

So yeah, it's been a journey, as they say, um, and not a fun one, but anyway, I'm glad that we can talk about it now and I have written a song which I'll release in a couple of days, maybe once we get. We're going to Mexico tomorrow, so I don't want to dampen it.

Speaker 1: 16:12

I can release it to Patreon first.

Speaker 2: 16:15

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 16:15

Because they're loyal. They're the people who, I don't want to say, care most about us.

Speaker 2: 16:22

Yeah they're our biggest fans yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:24

All right, I'm going to share the song to Patreon first, but please don't share it until I share it on Instagram. I haven't recorded it. It's literally just me singing to camera. So if people love it that much, I will eventually record it and release it. But I think there's so many people who are going through our same journey. Like, just reading all the comments today has made me realise that I think you hear the stats, like one in six couples go through infertility, but until you actually like get messages from people you know even who are like, hey, we're actually going through it, but we haven't told anyone or people who have come out the other side, whether they ended up with a baby or not, like I've heard all the stories today, so it's been really cathartic hearing the support, and so this is going to be my gift back to anyone struggling with infertility.

Speaker 1: 17:16

It's definitely another reason why we wanted to share as well, like aside from the constant questions around like when are you guys having kids, or are you guys trying yet, or all of that stuff where you're just like all the time, once again, it's coming from a good place, but you just get sick of it.

Speaker 1: 17:34

I personally, when I started my business and was dealing with my shit, I wanted to document going through it because I think it's as someone who admires seeing what you know we all get to see like people on the other side of triumph or whatever it is, and we mightn't have a good end who knows or the end that we want.

Speaker 1: 17:54

So but to be along with the journey, like there's so many other people, as you said, who are going through the same thing, so it's more relatable. We'll probably find and meet new people who can give us stories, perspectives and insights. That is comforting or helpful, where if we try to keep you keep it in and you go through it alone, it's very isolating and then it leads to more issues where whatever those could be. So I think it's find a document, and when I say find, it's like for me personally, I love talking about things I don't want to not be able to talk about things if I'm stressed or if I'm frustrated or whatever it is. It's easy to just tell the truth for me, but I also respect it when you wanted to keep it quiet.

Speaker 2: 18:40

I'm more of a private person. I'm a shy person. I don't like bringing it up. I think that's the hardest bit is like trying to find when to bring it up. I'd rather just not talk about it. Honestly, I'm opposite to you and plus I find it just hard to talk about it. Opposites attract, yeah, which is probably why I'm a songwriter, because I find it easier to write a song than to like talk, but your song really conveys how you feel.

Speaker 1: 19:08

How do you feel about it all? Because we've spoken a lot about it but I haven't don't think we've ever, aside from hearing the song. You've never really shared with me how you feel. Yeah, and now that I've got you in front of the camera you have to tell me how you feel.

Speaker 2: 19:27

A mixed bag, I think, obviously very emotional and have good days and bad days, I think, and it's like it's almost like consecutive, it's like good day followed by a bad day, followed by a good day followed by a bad day. Um, I feel grateful that we have access to healthcare now.

Speaker 2: 19:46

I think in America it was hard cause, you know, it's expensive to even get a blood test over there, um, but also you have days where you feel really sad and sorry for yourself because you know it's expensive to even get a blood test over there. But also you have days where you feel really sad and sorry for yourself and it feels really unfair and, yeah, just like angry that we have to even go through this when literal crackheads can get pregnant. I keep saying that, but yeah, and it's not a good mindset to have, but it's the truth. You just think why not us? You know.

Speaker 1: 20:19

Yeah, yeah, you spend so long getting yourself into a position for it, but I think, yeah, it all happens for a reason, as much as it's very fucking frustrating, but it'll work out, however it yeah, and I think stress plays a big part in this, especially with unexplained infertility, like when nothing's wrong.

Speaker 2: 20:42

It's obviously like we've been on the go for years, 10 years, um but that being said, it's not like it can just stop and not work anymore, like I've got bills to pay as well. So, trying to find a balance in between that, I've been getting acupuncture, which has been helping. I just get, like you know, a small amount of time a week just to completely switch off, and that's been helpful. Doing all we can really Like. What else can we do?

Speaker 1: 21:15

I could probably not run 58 marathons, because I know there's going to be people saying that eventually, but we've been, as we've said, tried for two years and that is the thing. So when we did all of our tests on both sides, it's not like the sperm count was there or any of that sort of stuff was cooked all the same on amy's side. So normally, if one of the two sides there's like something wrong, you're like oh cool, okay, well, now let's address that and see what we can do for that. But when they're both healthy and everything's good, you're like one and one make two, like that's math makes sense, but it's just not not working. So for me personally, like I feel that it is because we are on the go so much and I would love to slow down for a bit. However, yeah, we've just moved overseas, so it comes. Yeah, there's so many questions that could go on the back of that, but yeah depends on what you want more.

Speaker 2: 22:16

Yeah, I think it's going to be our priority in 2025 to try and make a baby one way or another. So, yes, we're still going to be going back to Nashville, but we've got different measures in place. You know, I've also given up drinking a ton of coffee. I don't drink any coffee anymore.

Speaker 1: 22:36

Boring.

Speaker 2: 22:37

And obviously you can't just blame one thing for infertility, like it's not the coffee and it's not because it's a full moon, or like there's so many reasons.

Speaker 1: 22:45

You're just trying to get as healthy as possible.

Speaker 2: 22:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I've also stopped. I was running a lot, I was doing a lot of like high stress exercise and that just on top of touring and all of the things I think doesn't help. So, yeah, if there's no reason that, like, all those measures put into place can't help but we'll see what happens with this IVF cycle.

Speaker 1: 23:11

That was a traumatic experience in itself, but Do we want to talk about that now or later? Should just keep it all in one episode yeah later, what do you reckon?

Speaker 2: 23:20

oh, we can save that for later.

Speaker 1: 23:21

I feel like it's a whole episode in itself yeah, we'll come back to that, because we do like keeping these episodes around this time frame, so and there's so much to talk about with it, so much to unpack.

Speaker 2: 23:31

This is just the initial, I guess, discussion about it all, and there's so much to talk about with this, so much to unpack. This is just the initial, I guess, discussion about it all, and there's so much moving forward that we're going to share with you all. But thank you to everyone who sent lovely messages. I've cried many times today reading them Really. Just little tears, little tears, that's nice.

Speaker 1: 23:48

I haven't read any yet. I'm going to read them.

Speaker 2: 23:49

Tonight, once I get into bed, you're going to cry any.

Speaker 1: 23:52

Yet I'm gonna read you're gonna cry once I get into bed. You're gonna cry oh, it's just been going nuts and I'm like, fuck, I don't know whether I'll, I'll read it tonight yeah, it's been a big day, but we're gonna go and have a lovely dinner pizza. Hopefully. I want pizza last night in australia till march okay, you can get pizza I reckon I need pizza.

Speaker 1: 24:12

If you guys do have questions, though, like send them on instagram to the couple goals one, don't send them to our personal ones for the podcast, obviously. Send them to couple goals, instagram or even on spotify now you can leave like comments, or youtube even, or patreon like. Wherever you listen to this, you should be able to get in contact with us and share your stories, ask us questions, because the more we get to talk about it, the easier it is for us to understand it. I think.

Speaker 2: 24:43

Yeah, I think it's been really raw and private up until now, so still navigating it. But the more you talk about it you kind of become desensitized to it also. I think we're at a point where we're happy to share.

Speaker 1: 24:55

Yeah, well, guys, thank you for tuning in. We will see you next week. We'll probably be recording from a lovely location in Mexico Can't wait. You'll be having a virgin pina colada Oi. That's like one of my biggest disappointments is not being able to they still stay on the same, and the only thing you miss out on when you're drinking tequila is like that slap in the back of the throat yeah so it's all good yeah, look on the wedding day.

Speaker 2: 25:23

If you see me having a glass of champagne, please don't judge me. I, um, I'm probably gonna do that slight times um obviously I'm not gonna get pissed, but I'm just gonna next minute I going to have one or two champagnes on the wedding day, so I stay sane. Yeah, sounds good, I love it and doctor said it's fine, I can have up to four a week, but I choose not to. But on the wedding day I am going to have a couple.

Speaker 1: 25:46

Sounds good love. Well, darling, I love you. I'm glad you shared it because I think it's good for you, because I see you stressing about stuff and I like it when you talk about stuff, Because I talk about stuff you don't.

Speaker 2: 25:57

I know.

Speaker 1: 25:58

You're a little.

Speaker 2: 26:00

I bottle it up.

Speaker 1: 26:01

Yeah, you bottle it up, throw it in the ocean and it hits another island.

Speaker 2: 26:04

Well, it's good for songwriting.

Speaker 1: 26:06

It is. But yeah, fair enough. I'm not going to argue All right All.