AFL Dream to Rock Bottom - How Brayden Ainsworth Rebuilt His Life | #647

Brayden Ainsworth shares his powerful journey from AFL footballer to mental health advocate after being hospitalized with anorexia. His story reveals how losing his athletic identity forced him to discover his true self and rebuild a life with deeper meaning and purpose.

• Being delisted from West Coast Eagles led to a complete loss of identity and control
• Struggled with the transition as football had been his entire purpose and self-definition
• Developed anorexia as a way to maintain control when everything else felt uncertain
• Hospitalisation became the turning point for self-discovery and redefining personal values
• Found new purpose helping others through mental health advocacy and connection
• Learned to value kindness, empathy and genuine connection over traditional success metrics
• Now setting new goals in endurance sports while maintaining a healthier perspective
• Most meaningful realization: "You're more than your title"
• Key questions for anyone feeling empty despite success: Why are you doing what you're doing? Is it worth what it's costing you?

If you're struggling with identity or purpose, remember you are more than what you do. Focus on being an A-grade person rather than just achieving A-grade performance in your field.

Chapters

• 0:00 The Dream Ends, Next Level Begins
• 6:10 The Experience of Being Delisted
• 14:50 Lost Identity and Control
• 24:40 Journey Through Anorexia and Hospitalization
• 33:20 Discovering True Self Beyond Football
• 42:10 Finding New Purpose and Connection
• 51:10 Setting New Goals and Challenges

Transcript

Lachlan Stuart: 0:00

There comes a moment in every man's life when the dream ends and the next level of work begins. Today's guest, brayden Ainsworth, drafted to the AFL, living the childhood dream, and then it all disappeared. But what followed wasn't just a setback. It was a complete unraveling of identity, control and purpose. Brayden didn't just lose football, he lost himself. In this episode, we're going to be talking about what it means to fall apart sometimes publicly, sometimes privately and then build something far more powerful in its place, from being hospitalized with anorexia to becoming one of the strongest voices for men's mental health in Australia. Brayden's story is about so much more than sport. It's about resilience, self-leadership and learning to let go of who you thought you were so that you can become who you're meant to be. This one's for anyone who's felt like they've had it all but still felt empty. Let's dive in. Brayden, welcome to the show.

Brayden Ainsworth: 1:03

Thank you. It's a pleasure, very, very honored to be on.

Lachlan Stuart: 1:06

It's been a long time coming, that's for sure. When you were delisted and left the club for the last time, what did you feel you were walking away from, and where were you most afraid, or what were you most afraid of in that moment?

Brayden Ainsworth: 1:19

Walking away for the last time. It was actually a funny period because I sort of found out like if I will get a contract or not get a contract in an exit meeting and then either that that wouldn't know for another two or three weeks. So it was a bit weird because I was still going to club and doing some like gym and things like that with a few boys, like not knowing if I'm going to get a contract or not. Then I, yeah, I find out that I've been delisted. It was sort of like packed up all my stuff, but it wasn't like a goodbye sort of thing. So I'd sort of already done that and I'd all I had there was, you know, made up a singlet and a pair of shorts for when we were gyming in that sort of two weeks.

Brayden Ainsworth: 1:58

When I look back it was a bit of like there wasn't really an ever a goodbye. It was more just like I walked out of the club and then I assumed my fob just started working. I wouldn't have been able to get back in and um, so that that was. There was never been like a goodbye moment, which probably may have. I don't know if that would have helped, like in the, in the struggles and the acceptance of it.

Brayden Ainsworth: 2:21

But, yeah, from when I got the uh, the final call that I'd been delisted and let go, it took a long time to, I guess, accept and acknowledge that that was actually what happened, like I don't know if it actually happened, until probably six months later, which was probably the hardest thing, because I always just thought like, no, I'm going to get, gonna get back, I'm gonna play for another team, I'm gonna get drafted again. That's my identity, that's my purpose, that's all I am. So that's all I focused on and everything else sort of was out and I just full tunnel, visioned, um, which probably is what happened and sent me down the wrong path. But, yeah, that's probably the last sort of thing that I can remember around west coast is getting that phone call and then, yeah, sort of hard to accept, if that makes any sense yeah, they could probably use you now, I reckon at the moment that's, that's my, that's my joke.

Brayden Ainsworth: 3:17

I would have played 100 games by now if I was still there.

Lachlan Stuart: 3:19

But but it is interesting. One thing you said, like not having that goodbye. I think in life we love having the start, middle and end, the closing of the tabs, and some people do it on their computers where there's a million different tabs open and there's still like a part of you that's sitting in there and it doesn't really allow you to move forward. So for you to, I guess, move into that acceptance piece, how did that work? Obviously you're not going back into the workplace, so to speak. But you also said when you're talking about footy and your identity, that's all that I am. So when you're losing something, that is all that you are, or you felt that it was all that you are. What did the next I guess next couple of months or years look like for?

Brayden Ainsworth: 4:02

you. Well, yeah, it was exactly that closure that you talked about and it's like relationships and things like that. I just didn't have that and I think that was really hard. And then when I started to realize that, okay, well, I'm sort of done at West Coast is I then get recalled through COVID to play a filling game because West Coast has injuries. And then COVID, and then I had to be a top-up player when I wasn't even on the list, and then that was the moment that I really fell into a hole, after that game in a dark place.

Brayden Ainsworth: 4:31

But when you wake up and all you've ever known is you have to be here at this time or in the off-season, you've got running to do gym, to do like you've got to train, and your schedule's down wide to a T, and when that all goes, I was waking up like what am I meant to do with my life? Because I don't know what I'm going to do. What should I do? What am I without football? And that was a hard question. It was a scary question to ask. I never really answered it because I was lucky enough to live with a good mate of mine, Oscar Allen. I was living with him at the time and there was me and, as you know, zachy Langdon was on the list at the time and Connor West. There was the four of us and I would just train with them in the morning, get up, same routine as what they would Like.

Brayden Ainsworth: 5:14

I was still living that life because I was like the draft's in November, I'm going to get drafted. If I don't get drafted again, well, I'll get drafted in the mid-season draft or I'll get an SSP like a top-up player. That's all I was thinking. And in the back of my head I was like okay, what's going to help me to then get to that? And I was like, oh, I'll just do a PT course. I'll do my PT course, signed up to that because I'll do that and then that will help me then become a better athlete.

Brayden Ainsworth: 5:36

To then get drafted Like it wasn course. To then help other people is I'll do a pt course because my only identity is football, like everything was around that and and that's where I really like struggled to the point where the only other things I was really doing was I started working at happiness code, dabbling, lots of work experience and things like that. Outside of that it was everything was okay. Would this help me get drafted? What? What if I do a nutrition course that might help me put on more muscle or whatever it was. It was all around that identity Literally the day I got that phone call in October for the next six months was just chasing that again.

Lachlan Stuart: 6:18

What do you feel like? Do you remember the time where you stopped introducing yourself as a footballer? Do you remember that moment, and was that a tough period?

Brayden Ainsworth: 6:27

It wasn't a tough the hardest thing actually. It was a tough period once I realized it was gone, because it was hard for others to not introduce me that way. Like I've been out of the system for well I think it's probably my fourth or fifth year now, I can't remember and I still get introduced when I do certain things, as Braden, ex-west Coast Eagles player. Like I was there for four years and played a handful of games. It wasn't like I was a Hall of Famer. You know that was hard, especially when I'd accepted it. But I was still getting referred to as ex-AFL player, not Braden from this place or Braden that does this. So that was probably the hardest bit. But yeah, like people are like oh, what do you do now? But in that six months and I was like March, I'm lucky I was like, oh, I'm just studying personal training, because that's all I'd sort of signed up for and I didn't really know what to say.

Brayden Ainsworth: 7:22

That question is like what was I without football? Like I couldn't answer that question. It was football. I'm an AFL player for West Coast, that was it. And it was like okay, I'm a PT, I play footy at Perth Footy Club. Like that was what it was at the time there was no genuine kind, empathetic, like whatever type of guy. It was just football was identity and I was my job and without it I was like can't answer the question.

Lachlan Stuart: 7:53

So I just didn't know. Do you remember the first time you did answer that differently, where you, as some of the things you labeled off there, kind empathetic, et cetera. What was that process for you to start viewing yourself more than what you did, more than your job?

Brayden Ainsworth: 8:06

It was probably three days into hospital and was the first time, because it was the first time I realized that I've accepted. Okay, I'm actually in trouble here, I need to fix some things and through certain conversations I had with doctors and what they were telling me, which we can get into, and that sort of thing, but that was about three days in. On the Monday morning, you know, being in hospital, that was my third morning waking up and yeah, that was when I realized, okay, you're without football, if you don't get drafted again, you need to work out who you are. And there's a book that I sort of got given that I sort of worked on through that sort of stuff and then, yeah, just started to, I guess, work out who do I want to be, where do I start from, and it was like coming back to those things like what's my personal CV, like values, characteristics, traits, passions, hobbies, away from football, and I just had to re-remember all those sort of things.

Lachlan Stuart: 9:01

Yeah, that's such a powerful experience and obviously for you, getting close to that rock bottom period gives you two options. You either sit in that and that just defines the rest of your life and it's not a fun place to be, or you bounce back. Can you give us a lead up on to how you ended up in hospital and, I guess, what took you down that path?

Brayden Ainsworth: 9:29

Yeah, so it was literally it's a lot of self self-sabotage, that sort of thing. Through the period of, like I said, I ended up filling in this west coast, maybe like around two or three 2022. So it was against north melbourne. I remember it. I got subbed up at half time and, um, I was probably the healthiest and fittest I'd ever been. I was weighing like 82 kilos, felt fit, felt free.

Brayden Ainsworth: 9:49

And then after that game, on the way home on the plane, I realized like, mate, you're probably not going to get drafted again after today, maybe your career is over. You could be done. And I just hated it. I hated being back in the environment as well, and when I realized that I fell into old habits in the space of literally three days, I built all these good habits, got told I was going to play and I just went back into I have to do this, I have to do that, this is my routine, this is what I got to eat, timing, sleep, everything and I was like this is controlling me again. And then after that, it just slipped away because I was like, well, your purpose is literally gone if you're not going to get drafted.

Brayden Ainsworth: 10:27

And then, basically from March to August, it just went downhill with just I didn't know how to fill my time. I was just over-exercising, under-eating, just didn't really. I was just lost in a spiral and that's it. It just went so quick, so fast, with just not eating, not fueling, but still exercising, and then I didn't ever believe that I had a condition, even though I was losing weight so fast. You still don't accept it and can't acknowledge it even like. I look back at photos and videos now and I'm just like how did you not see any of this? Like it was. So it got so bad, so quick and that's why everything started to shut down internally. But it was just literally like day after day after day of making poor choices that just compounded and ended up hitting rock bottom. Whatever, however long that is January through April, may, june, july, august are like four months.

Lachlan Stuart: 11:24

Wow, that is fast. Yeah, if you were to know, like looking back with the hindsight lens and just having spoken to experts and just even thinking about it a lot more, why do you feel you couldn't see it in that moment? Do you think there's an answer for that, or is it just something that, in the moment, you just can possibly not see? That's a tough question.

Brayden Ainsworth: 11:48

I've actually never been asked if I could. I just I never thought it was as bad as what it was. So I could see the weight going down and the weird thing was it was like, okay, well, tomorrow, like I wonder, if I get to this certain weight, then I'll fix it, eat, get better. But then, like health complications came with that, so bloating, like can't eat, pain, stomach pains, like no appetite, and it was like, oh well, like I'm not hungry, I'm not going to eat. But then it again was like, oh, I got down to this weight. I wonder what it would be like when I get to this weight. What would I look like if I get to this weight?

Brayden Ainsworth: 12:30

It was a real weird mind frame that I can't explain and I don't know how to explain it. But it was also, I guess, a way that I still had control over something, because I felt like I was losing control over every other aspect of my life and I can't control control if I, you know, get drafted or do this or do certain things again but I can control what I put in, how much I exercise and basically I can control how quickly the weight goes off. So I think it was the sense of control that I wanted and that was, in my life, the only thing I could really see that I could control.

Lachlan Stuart: 13:02

That's huge. Like looking at it from a sense of control, do you think there could have been anything else that anyone could have said or intervened? Or you were just obviously so focused on controlling what you felt you had control over you just weren't prepared to listen or look at anything else.

Brayden Ainsworth: 13:18

I feel like I was also and, as you know, in this space of masculinity and traditional masculinity and all that sort of thing, I still never felt that I was a real man and I never felt like I was living up to that, and that was with football. But I also didn't understand what strength meant to me as well, and not knowing like it's not just physical and all this sort of thing, and not having like good, positive male role models in my life, because I had some experience with psychologists and things like that that I didn't really enjoy. But for me, I feel and and now is what I do in this space is I would would have loved like someone like yourself or dan prince be I don't know if you know him or like you know, yeah, people like you guys that I could have connected or heard you guys talk. I think that would have resonated with me more, which is why I love seeing more and more of this sort of thing. But it was also the control.

Brayden Ainsworth: 14:20

And then it was the respect of my dad, like because I was like he loves me, he respects me, he cares for me because I play football, like that. That's what was in my head. It was the story that I was telling myself and I'm like, if I don't play football, then he won't love me, he won't respect me. So then in my head, when I've started to think about it, it's like well, maybe if I just keep doing this to myself, that I can't play football anymore physically, then he might love me for some other reason than football, if that makes sense, which is a weird like. It's like, bro, what's going on in your head? But it's just these thoughts that were happening.

Lachlan Stuart: 15:03

It's real. I'm sure there are so many people who can resonate to that because, firstly, you said it's just these thoughts that were happening. What's real, like that? I'm sure there are so many people who can resonate to that. Because, firstly, you said it's like it's my identity I could imagine, because you were so good growing up, you got validated, and, whether it was intentional or not, my view is that most people do it unintentionally, but that's the only time they really go out of their way to recognize you or put their hand on your back. So then you go. If I do more of that, then I'll get more of that, and then it becomes the only way you know how to get it. So, therefore, we don't ever ask. Did you ever ask your dad if he like what he thought of you outside of football, or anything like that?

Brayden Ainsworth: 15:40

Most freeing moment was I remember dropping him off at the airport. The whole way in the car I was sitting there, my palms were sweating, I was driving to the airport and then I get out and he's like oh, don't need to come and sit with me, mate all good. He's like Dad, I got to tell you something. And he's like you're all good. And I'm like I've got to tell you something. And he's like you're good. And I'm like I'm not playing footy anymore. I might in a couple of years, but right now I'm stepping away from football. And he goes oh, cool, like what are you going to do? And I was like I'm just going to step away and get back to being, you know, healthy, enjoying running again, and then just dive into Happiness Co.

Brayden Ainsworth: 16:15

He goes oh, sick, sick, like you always love talking about that, like that's. And I was like whoa, what do you mean? Like you don't care. And he's like no, mate, like why would I care? Did your brother play football? Did your sister like? And I was like no, and he goes I love them and I respect them. So why wouldn't I love and respect you? Why? Because you're not going to play football anymore.

Brayden Ainsworth: 16:33

He's only like I was proud of you, that you played football, but it's not why I loved or respected you. And I was like, oh, we could have told me that four years ago. But you know, I said, oh, you're sure I'm off the list. But now like, and then if I'd communicate? And that's what I realized, I was like, well, what if I actually communicated that to my dad and you know, and asked him that questions. And I think that we get so caught up in these stories we tell ourselves, then we believe them, and it's like, well, like you don't even know what someone else is thinking or why they respect you or why they love you. So that was, that was one of the most freeing conversations that I've had thanks for sharing that.

Lachlan Stuart: 17:13

man like that's. It's huge because, as you said, we build these stories up in our mind but quite often we've never asked the question, which is the simplest thing to do. But also, as you said, your hands were sweating and to say something that was on your mind. So we don't do it because we're like, oh, it's easier just to avoid it and I'll just keep beating myself up with the story that is in my head. But the moment that you can ask a question, you're going to get some clarity around it and it doesn't always work out the way we want where your situation or result from your dad.

Lachlan Stuart: 17:43

Your dad sounds like an absolute champion, but at least you were able to get clarity right and get that support and validation. Was there a moment, even if it's like a tiny one, where you felt the shift from, I guess, that rock bottom or surviving and just trying to control that one little moment, to where you felt like all right now I want to reset you started looking at yourself or identifying as happy, kind, all of those things to rebuilding. Was there a moment that you can remember that led to that?

Brayden Ainsworth: 18:17

Yeah, like I said on that Monday morning, remember that led to that. Yeah, like I said on that Monday morning, my mom was like up at hospital every day because my mom and dad split and dad's back in Esperance and mom's just down here in Perth, and she would like we used to send voice messages like every morning. And because she'd work, she starts work at like you know, she's up at like 3.30 for work. So when I was going through it before I went to hospital, I remember getting on the phone sometimes and I'd just be crying Like Mom, I don't know what's going on, I don't know what to do, and she would just sit there and listen. But this Monday that, you know, a couple of days in, she sent me a voice message. She was sending them every day and this one message just resonated with me and I was like, like maybe I am kind, like maybe I am caring, maybe I am more than football. And that's when I was like, okay, well, why don't I actually work out what I do stand for as a person? What do I want to be? Because maybe I've valued discipline, respect and resilience in football for so long. Why don't I change that and start to value, how kind I am, how caring, how empathetic and genuine I can be, and then dive into that. And that's when I just went on.

Brayden Ainsworth: 19:29

Mate, you talk about self-help. I dove into it for the next four weeks like crazy, because you get a bit of spare time when you're not occupied in hospital. And I was researching, I was doing all this stuff on like different things, how to self-help and what does it even mean, and self-discovery and books and podcasts. Yeah, I just went down the rabbit hole, which is probably good at the time to distract myself. But it was the little voice message from mom where I was like okay, you know, I'm going to be a kind, caring sort of type of dude, and that's just where it come out and I wasn't scared to probably acknowledge that. You know what I'm a more, if you're going to go traditional men, masculine, feminine I'm a more caring, kind, soft, nurturing type of guy and I'm just going to lean into that and I did. I love it.

Lachlan Stuart: 20:12

It's fantastic how we always get redirected in life and we look at that and a thing that I took away from that as well as just the power of letting people you care about know that you care, rather than just assuming that they know A voice note, even though it's from your mum. But we can do it to our mates, people that we care about, colleagues, and just drop them a line and let them know how we feel about them If they've done something that's inspired us or impressed us, which is really cool. So I'm really grateful that you shared that story From the rebuilding phase. You went down that rabbit hole of self-help, which I'm sure a lot of people have done. What were some of the other key takeaways that you took away in that initial block, like that four-week binge mode? I love how you said that binge mode.

Brayden Ainsworth: 20:59

That's probably the the different to what people think of binging. Doesn't that like, say, the binge netflix or something?

Brayden Ainsworth: 21:04

yeah so, um, there was probably the other two things were like meaningful connections that I actually had in my life. You know, I felt like I hadn't but I realistically, when I actually sat back in and that was scary too to like realize do people actually like me for me? Do they like me for what I did? But also, do they actually like who I believe I was, or the mask or the persona and I guess, person I was actually putting out to the world, which wasn't actually who I wanted to be? So I was like, well, do they connect with me because of me or because of the person that I'm actually faking? And when I realized you know who likes me for me, that was big. So it was like who's the meaningful connections I have in my life, that I can share the hard times and that.

Brayden Ainsworth: 21:51

And I really realized in that, because I felt so much shame, guilt and embarrassment for being a 23-year-old male in hospital for anorexia, I was like no one's finding out about this, I'm not telling anyone. And then I realized like who have you told? And I was like what mates have you told they're your boys? And that's when I realized that, okay, who are those? And then you know they're my six or seven best mates.

Brayden Ainsworth: 22:17

And then I was like what do you want to do? How do you want to contribute back to the world Realistically? Yes, you've lived your dream and you may not have lived it for as long as you want, but in your next phase, how do you want to contribute back to the world or other people and what's your purpose now? And that were the next two things that I really dove into and worked on and I was like, well, I don't have to get paid for this purpose either, or this passion or this contribution, but how can I make the world or someone else's day better? And how can I do it with connecting with the people that I really want to connect with? And you know, those best mates are the blokes that I literally call and tell them what we just talked about, like I'm proud of you, I love you, like that sort of thing.

Lachlan Stuart: 22:54

What do you feel would be the initial questions? If someone's listening along and you've lived your dream a lot of people never get the opportunity to do that the challenge with when you live your dream, and especially in sports, it doesn't last forever and you do have like that redirectional moment For you to talk about purpose and experiencing what was next for some people. Even I remember for myself like it was extremely overwhelming at certain points. If you were to pass on a little bit of advice to anyone listening who is finding that overwhelming, what would be? I guess a process or one or two things that you would have done that could help someone with that.

Brayden Ainsworth: 23:36

So like our purposes. As you probably know, it's a word that gets thrown out all the time and like said you don't have to get. I don't believe you have to get paid for it. Everyone's different, but I was pretty lucky that I was getting paid to play football, like to be healthy, to be fit, to hang out with mates and kick a leather ball around, and that was my purpose, because that's what I was waking up for. And now like, like.

Brayden Ainsworth: 24:00

I was like well, how do I want to wake up? And why do I want to wake up? And what's the reason? I was like I just want to wake up to be a genuine, kind, empathetic dude that just wants to make the world or someone else's day better. And I was like if I live by that, then truly I think I'm living my purpose, which is just to be, like I said, a genuine, kind, empathetic dude. That's all I want to do. And I was like because I can get money, I can get status, I can get cars, I can get a house, all this sort of thing, and I can have a family and still be upset, sad and feel alone.

Brayden Ainsworth: 24:32

So that was as simple as it was for me and it's what do I believe when I go to bed that I could be happy and fulfilled about? And that was as simple as it sort of was for me, and I know that might not sort of answer the question, but it's how can you go to bed and feel fulfilled, knowing that you've done what you wanted to do?

Brayden Ainsworth: 24:51

And you know that's how I live my day and I think that's the purpose of my life is just to do those three things, because I believe that those three things can change the world through, you know, a butterfly effect and a flow on effect. If you're genuine with someone, kind and show empathy, then I truly deep down believe they're going to do that to someone else and that's going to either change someone else's day or hopefully, it'll end up changing the world and have more kind and caring people. So that's that's. It's pretty simple for me and yeah, I love it, mate.

Lachlan Stuart: 25:22

Super simple, I think that's the key, though we as human beings have gone to work to complicate everything to the point where any diagnosis or any problem in our life it must be the most complex thing to solve. If we look at, in my opinion, once again, the fundamentals or the foundations of what makes someone fit, happy, healthy, wealthy, are very simple processes and quite often they're intrinsic things that we can focus on and we can control. That we just need to do consistently over a long period of time. That can often seem boring, or what's the purpose? Because they don't deliver instantaneous result, but over a long period of time they do. Much like to your point I said if I can just show up in this way, this way and this way every single day, which you have control over because it's all perception, then that's going to make your life better because of the ripple effect, and I think that's phenomenal because most people, we're doing it every single day. We have positive or negative thoughts, and when you're in a bad spot, I call it the winter.

Lachlan Stuart: 26:27

When you're in winter, you tend to gravitate more to the negative thoughts, the negative things that are happening, and you just skew everything as opposed to going. I just want to really focus on being compassionate and making someone's day, as opposed to going. Hey, I just want to really focus on being compassionate and making someone's day. You make someone's day, you feel good, they feel good. It's hard to be sad. It really is.

Brayden Ainsworth: 26:47

I do call it. It's not a selfish thing, but it is. It makes you feel good, it makes them feel good and it's so small and simple, but I guess, on your point, you do. It's the things that I do have control over and I can't imagine some of the thoughts you would have had and I know you shared this before. You can control if you go and fly into WA and go and run at midnight after two hours of sleep because of being on red eyes and all this sort of thing, knowing that you've got to do this in the space of five hours because if you don't, then you're not getting on the plane. You would be tired, tired, you'd be sore, your feet are killing you, your head, body aching, starving, whatever. But you can still show up and be like you know what, like I can still do this.

Brayden Ainsworth: 27:29

So I can't imagine some of the thoughts you were having and, um, it's a credit to you and it's just the power of also like seeing that stuff in action, like you're showing determination, grit and I know that, unlike every other person that was following, your journey was on, like you know, on Instagram, and you were getting people from the couch to 5K. You were getting people going out in the rain and the wind and, just you know, even just moving their body off the back of doing things you can control. And yeah, I think it was very powerful, obviously what you did and what you're continuing to do now. But it's just the little things that we can control that sometimes we forget and then we get so stressed about the things we can't control.

Lachlan Stuart: 28:13

Thanks for the kind words as well. Three things I took away from there was how do I want to wake up? I think it's an awesome question, setting your intention super powerful. Why do I want to wake up? What's the bigger purpose? Something bigger than yourself it could be. You know, religion, nature, wanting to leave the world a better place, wanting to provide for your family. There's, you know, everyone has their own answers and there's no right or wrong. As long as it's compelling enough for you to get out of bed. I think it's a great one.

Lachlan Stuart: 28:46

The final one, which I absolutely loved, because I used to say this every night, but it's when you put your head on the pillow. Did you contribute to the world in a better way? For me, when I put my head on the pillow, I just want to know that I've given life a crack every single day. If I can put my head on the pillow, then it's been a good day, and that's why I never want to waste a minute. I never want to waste an interaction, I never want to waste an opportunity, because life it feels like we got time, but at the same time, it's going so fast. So make the moments count.

Brayden Ainsworth: 29:13

Yeah, I couldn't agree anymore with that. And I love when people say, like what they're, you know, give life a crack. Or you know I want to do this, or I want to do that, or this is how I want to live my life, or this is what I value. It's like, yeah, cool, they're all words or sentences until you show them in action. Mate, you saying that? I'm thinking like I'm trying not to interrupt you. I'm just like, bro, you're living that, You're having a crack. You don't have a crack by, you know, going and running 54, but 50, yeah, 50 yeah yeah sure over 50

Brayden Ainsworth: 29:45

yeah, marathons in the same amount of days across all these states, like, if you're not, you're not having a crack like you are doing that and you're living that every single day. And now it's coaching and mentoring and helping others. So I love when people talk about that and especially you can tell when their like face lights up and that's what yours just did when you're talking about that. So you know like, oh, they're not just making this up, like this is. This is real, which I love to see as well appreciate it, man, and so talk to us about now.

Lachlan Stuart: 30:14

So the rebuild came back. You mentioned you were doing some speaking and some work with the happiness care, but but give us a, I guess, a rundown onto the journey. It was how do I want to wake up and why do I want to wake up, like those questions that led you to where you are now. So can you give us a bit of a rundown on that?

Brayden Ainsworth: 30:30

Yeah. So once I sort of worked that out over that, you know, four weeks like, firstly, like my you know he's my boss but he's like one of my you know those seven or eight best mates he's my man and you know I had to. I felt like I owed him because he sort of saved my life. You know he was there. He's seen everything, from good to bad, everything, and I just wanted to help him in his mission because I also felt like, well, if I can help him in his mission, that's actually helping mine and the reason why I want to get up as well. So we just combined and we just launched into it and I guess the next bit was like you've got to get, because I wasn't, my weight was on but I still wasn't happy with everything else going on. I still had some physical and mental struggles but I also then had to rebuild connections that I'd like, because I lied to people, you know, got manipulative, all that sort of thing to hide everything. So I had to sort of rebuild that and that's once I got out of hospital.

Brayden Ainsworth: 31:31

That was the next sort of six months was mainly focused on rebuilding health, rebuilding connections and then really, you know, diving into this passion of helping other people and it started off.

Brayden Ainsworth: 31:44

For me now it's working with a lot of youth running school workshops but learning and developing and understanding the other knowledge and that sort of aspect. And the other thing was falling back in love with the one thing that I always loved to do, which was running as well, which I know you've got a passion for too, and once I actually fell back into the love of that, like my passion just came back for that and it was just living life happy because I was just doing the things that I really enjoyed. I cut out as hard as it was, I cut out certain people, I cut out certain activities and going into certain places and just focused on honestly getting fit and healthy again through diets and then training, but taking it step by step. But also the main one was just getting back to connecting and feeling alive and enjoying things, away from vices that I had had in my life.

Lachlan Stuart: 32:36

Did you ever feel yourself getting pulled back to wanting to prove yourself at football or wanting to prove yourself in other areas after? Because, obviously, when you are a high performer, to the level that you are and for anyone listening, even in the USA and other places like the AFL is like the NFL Very few people get drafted. So you're still among some of the most elite athletes in the country and in order to get there, the sacrifices that you made, the ability that you have, the level that you perform at, you don't just lose that. I don't believe so. Do you still have an underlying urge, in different avenues, to want to perform at a high level?

Brayden Ainsworth: 33:18

Yeah, big time. And it got to the point where when was it Might have been like 2020, what are you now? 25? Yeah, 24, easter sort of April last year, when I, over the summer period, I was like the fittest I'd been, but I started to get really lean and sort of fall back into old ways, old habits, old thinking patterns. And then I was pretty lucky that a close mate and one of those mates just hit me between the eyes and said mate, like this, this and this, and he goes. Otherwise, you're falling back into it. And it was like one of the most rawest, honest, like hard hitting conversations I've had and he goes. But he also, at the end of all of this what he said, he goes.

Brayden Ainsworth: 33:59

Mate, like you need to work out what you're training for and what you want to train for, because I know you love to do this stuff, but at the moment it's consuming you for no reason. There's no purpose with it, there's no, you're just going for the sake of going. And then, from there, I was like what I you know, you're right like what I love to do and what's that competition? Because I was still running and I was trying to like beat times, but it was also okay. What's this person doing on social media? What's this person doing? Can I beat their time, can I? And I was just like no, no, no, what do you really want to do? And then I just mapped it out.

Brayden Ainsworth: 34:33

There's three things that I'm working towards. And that's to run a sub three marrow, which I guess is everyone's sort of goal. That's into running, which unfortunately was meant to be goal codes. We got a stress fracture and was out for seven weeks, so I only would have had a seven week lead up, which would have killed me. But that's the first one.

Brayden Ainsworth: 34:49

And then I want to run a hundred K ultra or a hundred miler. I'd love to do a hundred miler and then do an Ironman. And they're just the three things I want to do from from there. Um, those are my three big, I guess endurance, like athletic goals and pursuits, and then from there it's hopefully, you know, go on to. You know, there's obviously so many different things. Like Leadville, I'd love to do that, which I probably know, you know all those sort of things which would be pretty cool. And like I actually went to the lottery and didn't get it for the Bpn ultra, like yeah, like I'd be like things like that I'd love to eventually get into. But now it's, yeah, locking into the mara, and then, uh, yeah, the other two after I complete the first one that's exciting.

Lachlan Stuart: 35:36

What is it for you like setting some of those goals? Because I can. All three of them are on my goal list the iron I'm probably pushing like five to six years away, but the others are like in the next 12 months. What is it that excites you about that stuff?

Brayden Ainsworth: 35:51

I think, just the competitive nature of it's, you know, you versus you. I just, you know, I just want to see how far I can, you know, push myself and that really excites me. But also, along that journey, I think I'm going to meet so many cool people and I'm going to connect with so many cool people just from the fact of the passion of running. Or I'm going to have to reach out to some people about, hey, how do you run this certain time? Or what's your swimming stroke? Or how do I? Because I can't swim and that's going to kill me. But it's like, what are your tips for that? Or like I've got no power on the bike, like where should I start?

Brayden Ainsworth: 36:29

You know, and that's what excites me too, it's the, you know, the you versus you battle of being in your own head and going on a long run and not listening to anything and you're just in your thoughts for, you know, two plus hours, like how do you cope with that?

Brayden Ainsworth: 36:43

But also, you know, then you get to go for a nice little recovery run or with a few mates and enjoy that and connect with new people. And you know, I don't know if I ever would have connected with yourself. If you know, we didn't obviously share the same interests or passions, but then there's running on top of that as well. So the same interests or passions, but then there's running on top of that as well. Yeah, that's what I'm really excited for. I've got a list of people that I would love to meet, and the cool thing is, I don't want to just go and have a coffee with you, like I do, but I want to have a run first, then have a coffee, and there's certain people that yeah, that's what actually excites me as well is the people I'm going to meet along the journey of hopefully completing these goals.

Lachlan Stuart: 37:20

Man. I love. That Huge thing that I hope everyone took away from that is you're humble enough to want to ask for help as well. I think you're. Once again. You're an elite athlete already, but you're also someone who still asks for help and asks people how can I improve these things?

Lachlan Stuart: 37:38

One of the biggest reasons why people get stuck or stagnant in life is we try too hard and for too long to figure things out ourself, rather than realizing now, because of our phones, there are incredible people who are experts in things that we're not and maybe we want to be that all we have to do is drop them a message Like how cool is that that we can have someone who's done what we wanted to achieve and we can ask them hey, what did it take in order to achieve that?

Lachlan Stuart: 38:03

And then we can fast track our own success. I did it with my 58 marathons. I was reaching out to all kinds of people, just trying to pick their brain and essentially create an environment where it was impossible for me to fail. Had I not had the help of all the people that I did, it wouldn't have been possible, and so I hope people take that away because, once again, you're an elite across so many different areas, and not just because of sport, but even in your ability to ask great questions and to put your hand up and say, hey, I need help, but also to lead yourself and take ownership and responsibility for the man that you want to become. I think that's so powerful and something that if anyone takes just one thing away from it, that would be it for me.

Brayden Ainsworth: 38:45

I think, taking responsibility, yeah, 100%, for your own life and what you want to do. I can't imagine the people that you would have, you know, connected with or like, especially when you're in the States. Like you're like, hey, we need some help, this, this and this, and you know people following the journey, you would have met some incredible people that you would never have met in your life. And now you probably, if you go back to that certain state you know, you could be like, hey, what are you up to do? You want to grab a coffee and you've got someone to connect and chat with that you never would have had before, all off the back of doing this incredible journey. So, yeah, that's that's what I love. And again, you would have been like, and you did. You're like, I need some help. Is there a physio? Can I please have some physio?

Brayden Ainsworth: 39:22

Does anyone know anyone like you know it's a small thing, but then you connect with that person. Then, if you've got a mate that's over there, like it's just, like it just. This is the connection piece that I love about you know um, space and anytime x. So you go to the gym, you meet people, you connect, you go for a walk along here in South Perth, like you connect with other people. Yeah, I just love that. That's probably my favorite part about it all and asking for help, because you can't get anywhere if you don't ask for help, or it's a lot easier to get where you want to get to and if you're willing just to ask the question.

Lachlan Stuart: 39:55

For sure. Could not agree more. What would be something that you're most excited about with the work that you're doing, now that maybe you didn't get from footy?

Brayden Ainsworth: 40:03

Think actually seeing certain impact that you're having to help people just change a thought in their head or spark something. Because footy is amazing, don't get me wrong. I love it, like, and I still get jealous of mates that are still playing because it's it's a great thing. I love the game and I love that. But when you think about it, like you know, have an impact on people's lives. Sometimes if you win it's good.

Brayden Ainsworth: 40:29

If you lose, then sometimes it's a pretty negative effect, like I think just being able to actually help people and see the help that you can have, I think that's probably the thing that I never expected to understand and realize and how one conversation can really help and change people's lives. I think that's pretty cool because it's happened to me in the people that I've connected with and have sparked thoughts and ideas or shifts in focus or habits and change. I think that's something that I never really expected would ever happen and that's with some like close family and friends. You know in my life that it still happened to, so I think that's probably been.

Brayden Ainsworth: 41:08

You know, the exciting thing is, like, how many people can you just spark a thought? Because you're not going to change everyone's life and impact everyone, because some people won't like you, just like you don't like everyone else. But can you just get a little spark in their eye or a little thought to maybe help them see the world in a happier, healthier, a better place? Solid man, I love it and also sorry, just to touch on that and what excites me is the more people I keep coming back to connection, because I just love it, but I just love being able to meet new people. That's what's cool for me is you really start to see and connect with more people that are like you, or that you see parts of yourself in them, which is pretty cool too.

Lachlan Stuart: 41:53

Yeah, connection has got to be one of the greatest things. I just always go back to the book the Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Warr and just think about the things that she said and it's just I wish I spent more time with my friends and family. And for me it's just connection, because anyone can have money. I know a lot of people with a lot of money and they're miserable, but they're also amplified dickheads. I think it amplifies who you are, but if it's not something that drives you, that's also completely okay, because there's so much more around it After. I guess, the success of the run I don't talk about necessarily the money and the opportunities, it's more so the people that I met and the experiences that we had. That's what I find awesome. That's what I rate my life on is just like what experiences can I have and who can I have them with?

Brayden Ainsworth: 42:40

Yeah, which I think is amazing.

Brayden Ainsworth: 42:42

And to double down on what you sort of just said there like, yes, you raised money and you would have got massive sponsorships from different partners and organizations and all that sort of thing, but you never oh. You're like, oh, thanks to LSKD or thanks to these people, but it wasn't like it was a gratitude and thankful thing, but it wasn't like the thing that you were doing it for. You weren't just doing all this to oh, if I do this, then I can go viral and then I can then, you know, make a story and a book off the back of it to then get more money. It's like, no, I'm doing this for me, but showing other people that you can do this and it helps other people in a different way, and now I'm going to go and talk about it to then spark some thought or some change and help other people. I'm going to go and do this because now so many people are going to pay for this to get me more money, and I think that's where the real power comes from.

Lachlan Stuart: 43:33

Definitely the impact, for sure, because I've seen once again so many people come and go and especially in the coaching space, like I've been in the men's space for since 2016-17 and just people come and go, which is fine because it's a season I just love. You know, the reason is I want men to stop taking their lives and I want men who are doing, you know, high performers to realize that there's more than the title, the job and the house, like there's family, there's connections, there's experiences, there's your own well-being, and all of them matter. Like I just I truly believe that at the end of my life, I'm not going to give a crap about the titles, the awards or the money. I just believe that. So, if I believe that I'm going to make the most of, as I was saying earlier, the things, now what would you say to the guy listening, braden, who has the title, they have the job, they have the house, but they feel completely empty inside?

Brayden Ainsworth: 44:31

First, I would say why are you doing what you're doing? I'd ask that question What's's the reason you're doing it? Like, why are you doing this? And I think, if you can sit with that and actually answer that as truthfully as you possibly can, which is so hard to do, and because that's just what, what I did with football, like why was I doing it? Like I said I think it was to earn my dad's respect and that sort of stuff, but like, why? Why? What's the real reason?

Brayden Ainsworth: 44:55

And then, if it's this, this, this, is that worth costing me what it's costing me right now, which may be time with family, time with, you know, friends, relationship, financial stress, burden, loneliness, depression, anxiety, whatever it is Is the cost of what I'm doing worth it? And nine times out of ten, I think that most people, if they're in that spot, they're like no, it's not. Nine times out of ten, I think that most people, if they're in that spot, be like no, it's not. And I sort of realized, and you have to like, if you get to the worst spot, you can get a job. Pretty like, you can go yourself, people are going to help you, you're going to be able to go on if you're lucky enough which I am lucky enough I could jump on people's couch to couch things like that. So money is money is not the end of the world. And if that's that's what you're chasing, I don't think it's ever going to fulfill you. So me it's like why am I doing this and is it costing? Is it worth the cost that it's having?

Lachlan Stuart: 45:44

Love. That it's something to think about is what is what I'm currently doing costing me and that goes not just for work, I could imagine for me running the 58 marathons. It cost me time with my wife, it cost probably health to a degree. It cost me elements of my business, but to me it was worth what I was building towards. So when you know what you're building towards, you have an idea of who you want to become and you can start asking yourself those next questions, because there are far too many men in the statistics show who are in roles and they've adopted the responsibility of whatever, whether it's dependents, it's the mortgages, it's the title or the reputation that they're worried about, and they're just waking up every day miserable.

Lachlan Stuart: 46:31

And if we can take something away from this, there's so many great questions that you've said going back to how do I want to wake up? Why do I want to wake up? What does it look like when I put my head on the pillow at night? Who am I outside of my titles and my career Like? There's so many questions that I would encourage anyone listening to just write those questions down, listen to it back and just start writing, like answering those questions that Brayden asked himself, because you'll be able to come up with your own answers, and some of the responses you get there may allow you to change the course of your life, which is exciting.

Brayden Ainsworth: 47:06

Yeah, and I guess I'm not a man that has kids and all that sort of thing as well and all that sort of thing as well. But to me, if you're talking about men in general, I think, like you said, we're sort of wired to think that, you know, we have to be the one that provides and that's dominant and puts the food on the table and be the breadwinner and all these sort of things. But you know, I can probably speak from experience and the people that I've talked to, and especially women that I've talked to, they're just like, yeah, like I think that's awesome and they want to do that, like that's powerful and I respect it, but why can't I? I want to be someone that is also, you know, strong and powerful and embraces both sides of masculine and feminine, but just to be a whole person and I want to be able to put you know my kids through what they want to do and give them experiences as well.

Brayden Ainsworth: 47:56

I don't want to just have to do this, this and this, because stereotypically I'm labelled to be able to do that and I think it's trying to change and trying to get men to understand. Well, everyone's different, everyone's got their own. I don't want to get into the stereotypes of all this stuff, because you don't know what could happen after that. But I just think if we can understand that we're all whole, like can you embrace vulnerability and strength at the same time, embrace your emotions but also be stoic in certain situations that's both female and male, and I think when you can start to express all that sort of thing, I think that's when you can actually understand you've got more support and, um, you know you don't have to be alone and get through this by yourself 100%.

Lachlan Stuart: 48:37

You got to learn to dance with the dance with what's you know. Like football, you play what's in front of you. Sometimes you have set pieces and every relationship is different, but if you can dance with the polarity and find out what you know, the way, I even said it with the 58 marathons, like I'm someone who's very vulnerable, I talk about a lot of things. But with the 58 marathons, like I'm someone who's very vulnerable, I talk about a lot of things, but when I'm in, for example, 58 marathons, it wasn't really the opportunity, it wasn't the right time for me to just break down and cry while I'm trying to get the marathons done. I had to, like hold it together to get through the injuries and the pain, because I knew on the other side I could. Then, you know, on day 50, on day 50, that's when that happened, when I had the opportunity to have a breather.

Lachlan Stuart: 49:22

But in the lead up, I think you've got to play what's in front of you and do what's going to best serve the marriage and the relationship Life. Essentially, the simplest form is don't be a dick, be a good person. Exactly right. You need to be strong and stoic, and other times you need to in our relationship. I say to my wife wife, it's like there's times for me to lead and there's times for me to support and that's yeah, completely fine.

Lachlan Stuart: 49:42

100, couldn't agree anymore brother, it's been an absolute pleasure having you on. I've literally taken on so many notes, which I always love when I get just questions that I get to think about for myself. If you could give and this is a common question but if you could give your younger self the 22 or 2022-year-old version? Guy version guy version of yourself. What advice would you give to him?

Brayden Ainsworth: 50:08

You're right. I'm trying to structure this in a way that it's a great question, probably for me because of what I was going through around it. For me, it stems back to identity and job. You're more than your title. Your title doesn't define who you are as a person.

Brayden Ainsworth: 50:33

For me, because I think, I've met a lot of people that are like you said. They're caught up in you know, whatever their role is, or they're chasing the next role or the next promotion or the next title, or to be. If they're a millionaire, they want to then become a billionaire. But, like you know, you know a lot of people that have probably got those titles but are still unhappy and don't know who they are. And for me, my title was everything, and when I lost it is when I fell apart. So, um, yeah, you're more than your title and it's more important to be an a-grade person than a a-grade, whatever that might be. And for me, it was more than an a-grade athlete. It's more important for me to be an a-grade person love it.

Lachlan Stuart: 51:11

Where can people follow your journey and everything that you're up to?

Brayden Ainsworth: 51:15

I I guess, yeah, well, instagram just brings Braden underscore Ainsworth potentially. Yeah, just actually don't, but Braden Ainsworth, yeah, that's just where mainly I post anything to do with my stuff. And then, yeah, like Happiness Co, but yeah, mainly my stuff is just Braden underscore Ainsworth on Instagram. I haven't branched out too much with content or anything, but yeah, that's my only real space. To be honest, I've got that much else. I love it, mate.

Lachlan Stuart: 51:44

The world's a better place for all the work that you're doing, mate, and you've been on a journey, but it's so inspiring and powerful that you're using some of your darkest moments to bring people to their better moments.

Brayden Ainsworth: 51:56

Thank you, mate, I really, really appreciate.