You’ve done everything right. So why does success still feel empty? #657

You’ve checked every box. Career. Family. House. Yet, in the quiet moments, you ask — why do I still feel stuck?

In this episode, Lachlan Stewart breaks down why success without alignment feels hollow and how high-performing men end up in the “loop of stuckness”: chasing external goals, burning out, resetting, and repeating.

You’ll learn the mindset shifts and frameworks that move you from living someone else’s blueprint to designing your own.

This episode is for men ready to stop surviving and start leading their life intentionally.

Listen to The Man That Can Project for practical tools in resilience, clarity, and leadership.

Discover your blind spots across the 7 Domains of Life with the Man That Can Scorecard. 

Just 14 questions, instant results. I wish I had this earlier. 

It would’ve fast-tracked my success. 

Take the quiz now: TAKE QUIZ

Chapters

• 1:00 When Success Feels Empty
• 1:35 Alignment Over Society’s Blueprint
• 2:58 The Loop of Stuckness Framework
• 6:40 Clarity Beats Willpower
• 8:57 Pillar 1: Audit Your Reality
• 10:36 Pillar 2: Define Who You Become
• 12:38 Pillar 3: One 12-Week Goal
• 14:01 Pillar 4: Integration, Not Isolation

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:30

Why even successful men feel stuck and how to break free? He checked all the boxes, got the good grades, got the house, got the incredible career, the family, ticked all the boxes. But in the quiet moments, alone, late at night, he asks himself the question: why do I still feel so unsuccessful? Why does success still feel empty? If you've ever caught yourself thinking, I should feel fulfilled by now, don't worry, you're not alone. And in today's episode, we're gonna talk about that. I'll show you exactly why many men feel stuck, even when everything looks good and what to do about it. Hi, I'm Lachlan Stewart. I'm a life coach and I specialize in helping men like you learn how to lead from within so that you can lead powerfully in your relationships, in your career, and in your life. Over the years of working with hundreds of men one-on-one and thousands in groups, I've seen one thing over and over. The successful life can still feel hollow if it is built on someone else's blueprint. So let's start here. Structure without a vision can feel like a prison. And don't I bloody know it? And I'm sure you may too. You followed the map, you get the good job after you've graduated, you get married, you build the home. Society told you that is the path. But what's missing? It's alignment with you. Most men never stop to ask, what do I truly want? In fact, studies show people who set their own meaningful goals report roughly 20% higher life satisfaction than those who adopt goals from others. So, what does that actually mean, right? Because that stat does truly matter. Throughout life, we are surrounded in environments, we go to school, we have friends, and quite often we never think for ourselves really, we just adopt beliefs and trust the path that's been laid out before us. It took me years to realize that I needed to start questioning that, and we'll talk about that more soon. But the risk is that you'll live a life that looks successful from the outside if you don't start questioning it, and you'll feel empty on the you guessed it, on the inside. And I am so sick and tired of seeing so many men feeling this way, and I still think about the pain that I felt when I used to think small within my own life. When I'm working with blokes one-on-one, one of the biggest challenges and fears that I still have is challenging them to dream big. I think when I reflect on that, I'm like, why do I fear saying that to them? Why do I fear encouraging them to remove the limitation to dream big? Because in my own life, I was taught to think small, I was taught to protect, I was taught to provide, and yet that worked at a certain period in life. And I still think we do need to protect, and that looks different in today's world. And I still do believe in providing. I 100% believe in that, but it also looks different on the context of your family. The challenge with that is we're still using outdated rules and ideas and units of measurement to do that. So we can start asking new questions, we can start redefining the definitions or yeah, the definitions of what success look like for us, and then we can start moving towards that because you do not want to be successful on the outside and feel empty on the ins inside. I could not think of anything worse for you, and I could not think of anything worse for myself. So I want to introduce you to the loop of stuckness, right? I was writing last week as we're going through this, and I could was thinking, how can I give you guys a process and a framework? Because frameworks give us a step-by-step breakdown of what we need to do to deliver an outcome. The cool thing about a framework is you can take this, you can apply it to your own life, and then you will get feedback and you can personalize it, right? That is the most important thing because there is no one size fits all approach, not at all. But this you will be able to use and think of it almost like a psychological treadmill. You move, but you're not changing direction. And in order to get unstuck, you have to pivot, you have to sidestep, you have to change direction, right? Because otherwise you're just treading water. Even if you're making moving forward, if you're moving forward in the wrong direction, like we said at the start, if you're moving towards goals that don't inspire you, don't excite you, you will find yourself at that end goal where you are unfulfilled. And there was a period, and I'll talk about it soon, where the structure that you create while moving to that can feel like a prism. What does this psychological treadmill look like? What does the loop of stuckness look like? Step one is you push hard towards external goals, right? The promotion, the income, the status. You then hit resistance, right, at point two, and you plateau or you burn out. Burnout is something that high performers just always drive to and seem to pride themselves on almost, which is crazy. And I did that for so long, but I realized every time I burn myself out, I'm a horrible man to be around. I'm not a great partner to my wife. I'm not fun to be around for my friends and family. So I can't keep burning the wheels and repeating that cycle. The third phase is you feel guilt, shame, and self-judgment. Like, what is wrong with me? You know you've had that thought. I have that thought. Sometimes I still do, right? Fourth is you push harder, you try new tactics, maybe change jobs. Five is you get a bit of temporary relief, but the underlying dissonance, sorry, remains. Number six is you reset and the loop starts again. You don't look outside that loop, and that's where the issue is. So the kicker, more effort rarely solves it because the root issue is clarity, not willpower. Want you to take a moment. When was the last time you stopped and you thought about what you really wanted your life to look like? And I don't mean just, oh man, I just want a little bit of freedom or I just want the financial pressure to go. That's a survival thought. And I guess in order to thrive, we got to survive. But if you can start going, okay, yes, I do want just the financial pressure to go. But if I could push myself, if I could encourage myself to think past that, not only do I want the financial pressure to move, but what would I really want if I knew that I could achieve wealth beyond my wildest dreams? If you're in a position where maybe your marriage is challenged, and you're just thinking, I just want to be able to get into bed every night next to my partner and not lie awake with my eyes wide open thinking about how do I initiate a conversation or I'm working so hard and I don't even feel loved and appreciated. Rather than just getting back to the baseline, go beyond that. Think to yourself, what would it be like where my wife and I are jumping into bed every night, and not hanky panky, ladies and gentlemen, where you get into bed and you're excited to catch up on the day, you're excited to catch up on each other's lives. Like, how do you get there? Because when you start dreaming big, yes, it may seem like it's a while away, and maybe it is. Maybe you've got a lot of work to do, but doesn't that excite you to know that it is possible? Because when you set the right timeline, anything is possible because you have to learn skills, you have to set standards, you have to maybe establish new beliefs. There's things that have to happen, and I go through this with my clients all the time. We start looking at that in the become method, where once we've uh established where they are, we have created a vision for themselves, we then go into phase three, which is creating discipline, right? The discipline isn't just yes, you must do this, it is also looking at what the standards you are, wanting to uphold, what are the skills, all of those sorts of things that you need to develop because there is always a gap, a gap between the man you are right now and the man you want to become. So make sure that with clarity, that is gonna be what helps you get out of the loop of loop, sorry, of stuckness. How do we escape? The answer lies in intentional life design, not theory, structure plus self-leadership. So here are the pillars. The first one, and I love this one, and I just loosely touched on this, but audit your reality. And I touched on this briefly before, but you gotta be brutally honest with where you're drifting and where you're thriving. Use the seven domain scorecard or assessment. It is gonna show you what the domains are, but it will show you where you're drifting and where you're thriving, and it can be very eye-opening, but it's such a powerful tool because it will give you recommendations on how to improve those areas. Because if you feel stuck, you're more than likely not gonna take action. But if you get this scorecard and it gives you recommendations, which it will because I've put it in there, you will then be able to start working on a roadmap, or maybe if you're sitting here and you want to work with me, that might be another step. But start with that assessment. So, for example, health, mindset, relationships, mission, your finances, your lifestyle, your growth. Rate yourself in each. Where are you skipping, compensating, and in denial? Step two, define who you must become. This is the fun part, not only what you want from your life, but who you must become. This means you are going to change your internal dialogue. Who you are now is not who you will become. So for each domain, ask yourself what does success look like? Who must I become to embody it? This is identity before outcome. So say you want stronger relationships, it's not just spend more time, but becoming a man who listens, offers trust, creates safety, right? You're giving yourself things to do. Number three, set one 12-week goal. And just remember, you'll be able to get my new 12-week goal planner on Amazon very soon. But don't overload yourself. Pick one domain to focus on, one, because you've already got enough going on in your life. If you try to do all of them at once, it's a big overhaul, and you'll realize very quickly that you just don't have enough time, energy, or resources to do it all at once. So focus on one, build momentum, stack small wins. But momentum compounds, small wins breed the confidence. So you can't hit what you can't see. So if your vision is vague, gentlemen, the world's expectations will quietly, sorry, quietly hijack your decisions. Number four, integration, not isolation. Now, this is one of my favorite parts around this. All seven domains are interconnected, whether you like to believe it or not, you can't build finances at the expense of your health and expect sustainable fulfillment. The aim is alignment, right? Moving all parts toward a unified vision, not juggling isolated habits. So when you realize, and I'll I'll share my story and experience. A decade ago, when I started in business, all I focused about was financial success, financial reward. And I did that at the expense of everything else. And I believed that it would allow me to then focus on all of these other areas, which it has, and I learned in that process. If I could give myself feedback though, I would say, hey Lockie, chase the financial goal that you're chasing. But understand that if your marriage or your relationship is thriving, if your relationship with yourself, meaning you're filling your own cup, you're exercising, you're gonna have more energy, focus, vitality to chase that financial goal. So get after it. So that's what I want to bring into the purpose of that. It's integration, not isolation. Understand this as well. You will mess up, you'll take wrong turns, and that is okay. Feedback is not failure, it is direction or redirection, right? And the only real mistake that you'll make is staying stuck. If you've listened to this thing now and you haven't done anything since even the first time you listen to my podcast, ask yourself why haven't I done anything? Is it a limiting belief? Is it fear of failure? Is it lack of accountability? Right? You've got to answer these questions for yourself to be able to give yourself and put yourself in a position to take that next step. Okay, so make sure that you understand it's okay to fail. I fail all the bloody time. I really do, and I'm proud of it because at least I know I'm having a crack. The answers aren't always a new job or a bigger house or another promotion, they're in you, your vision, your identity, your design. So if this resonates, here's what you can do right now download and take the free seven domain assessment. The link's in the description, or you can head to my website, theman that can project.com. It's on the home page. Rate yourself today. It will give you some actionable steps to take. And that is one of the best parts because if you lack ideas, if you lack frameworks, you can then go, oh, this is what I need to do. The second thing, in the comments, comment below what you've taken away from this, which domain feels most off right now for you. Name it. All right, let's start working together. And thirdly, hit the subscribe bell. I release coaching content like this every week. And if you're serious about breaking free of that stuckness loop, the loop of stuckness, that scorecard will be the starting point to seeing where you're drifting and where you're thriving. So you can start designing your life with clarity and attention. Remember, doing everything right doesn't guarantee fulfillment. You can live by someone else's map or you can feel lost in your own life. The shift is choosing to stop following and start designing. Decide who you want to become, build towards that, and take that first step today. Not tomorrow, today. What is one small step you can take after having listened to this to change your life? Thank you guys for watching. My name's Loughlin Stewart. See you in the next one.