Don’t Build Success Alone: 5 Rules To Protect Your Marriage #658

You tell yourself you’re building for her, a business that brings freedom, security, choice. But somewhere along the way, she stopped feeling part of the dream.

In this solo episode, Lachlan Stuart, founder of The Man That Can Project, unpacks the silent trap high-performing men fall into: mistaking productivity for purpose, and success for connection.

You’ll learn how to:

• Build with your partner, not for her
• Redefine success around shared vision
• Reclaim presence at home
• Audit your alignment before it’s too late

This isn’t about working less. It’s about leading better.

The Man That Can Project, for men ready to lead with impact and intimacy.

Discover your blind spots across the 7 Domains of Life with the Man That Can Scorecard. 

Just 14 questions, instant results. I wish I had this earlier. 

It would’ve fast-tracked my success. 

Take the quiz now: TAKE QUIZ

Chapters

• 0:00 The Provider Myth Exposed
• 2:15 When Ambition Erodes Connection
• 3:50 Systems Thinking For Relationships
• 5:45 The Wake-Up Call: “Home And Broke”
• 7:50 Integrate Goals, Don’t Isolate Them
• 10:00 Five Practices To Realign Marriage

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:30

How high performing men lose their marriage without noticing. You tell yourself that you're building a better future, a business that will give your family freedom, security, and choice. But somewhere along the way, your wife stopped feeling part of that dream. The more you push, the more distance she becomes. The more you sacrifice time for her now, the more that you're convincing yourself that it'll be worth it later. But here's the truth that most men do not want to admit. Your wife isn't waiting for success. She is waiting for you. I'm Lachlan Stewart, founder of the Man That Can Project and a life coach for men. I help men grow from the inside out so that they can lead more powerfully in their career, in their relationships, and in their life. And the lesson that I'm about to share is one that too many ambitious men find out the hard way. This is the trap that high-performing men fall into, right? For decades, we've been sold, and I'm including myself in this, but we've been sold the same story that being a good man means providing, that if you just work hard enough, earn enough, achieve enough, everything else is going to fall into place. But what if that one belief, the belief that is building your career, is the one that is quietly breaking your marriage? Every week I coach men who are trying to build for their families, not with them. They mistake productivity for purpose and they think that love can be postponed. You can't bank intimacy, you can't schedule connection for someday. And by the time most men realize this, it's already too late. And honestly, this breaks my heart. So here's the real question: what if your success story is costing you the one person you're building it for? Building your business doesn't have to cost your marriage, but it will if you're not intentional, right? High performing men think in systems. So you probably do too. We plan, track, and optimize everything. Yet when it comes to relationships, are you relying on emotion and chance? You see, that's ultimately like running a million-dollar company or a successful company without having a vision statement, without meetings, and without metrics. You don't know where things are, whether you're making progress, or whether things are slowly falling apart underneath. A relationship is a living system. It needs alignment, it needs communication, it needs shared meaning. A client who just started with me recently came to me after achieving his first seven-figure year, which I was like, how unreal is this? This guy is gonna have it together. The business was booming and he finally felt like he had made it. Maybe you're relating to this. But one night his wife snapped at him. She said, I'd rather have you home and broke than rich and never here. That hit him harder than any financial loss ever could because in that moment he realized all his growth was taking him further away from what he said he was building for. So this is when he came to me and we had to start rebuilding from the inside out. We had to start redefining success, understanding what motivated him, understanding and getting his marriage realigned. We started doing weekly debriefs just like he did with his team, but this time for his marriage. We created shared rituals for him, going for a walk, having a Tuesday dinner meeting. They set clear expectations, what they expected of each other, uh, so they could achieve their aligned vision. And also that Tuesday night dinner was a space for them to talk about pressure before it exploded because that happened so regularly. And the final thing was a learning that changed everything. He had been isolating his goal. If you don't share your goal with the people you're building it with, how are they supposed to understand why you're making certain decisions or they may, you may feel like you're making a sacrifice, but they don't see it that way. This is the whole point around how domains of life are actually or should be integrated, not isolated. He thought success in business was separate from success in marriage, health, and family. But life doesn't work that way. When you isolate a goal, you create imbalance. When you integrate your goals, you create harmony or work-life balance as people get it. It's, you know, balance doesn't come down to equal time. It comes down to feeling like things are working. Because a man who grows a business must grow at home too. Otherwise, the weight of one is gonna crush the other. So after about six months, uh, we've been working together for his business is still growing, it's bigger, but his family is stronger. That's not sacrifice, that is leadership. And I truly believe that success starts at home. If you're recognizing yourself in this, here's where to start. Number one, build with, not for. So stop protecting your partner from the process. Involve them to the level that they want to be involved in, but so they feel like they're you're growing together. When you build with her, right, she becomes your ally, not your audience. Number two, redefine success. Ask, what does winning look like for us, not just me? Shared vision creates shared energy, right? This is where you grow together, you're a team, you're not enemies, you're not competition. Thirdly, create communication rituals, right? When you first started dating, you would have had this. How do I win the win them over to make them want to date me, to make them want to move in with me, to make them want to marry me? It's no different now. Weekly check-in, make time. We get more busy, we have more responsibilities, and we sometimes think that they deserve more than our marriage. No, it doesn't. The weekly check-in isn't just about logistics, who's doing what, the groceries, what are we having for dinner, who's looking after the kids. It's about the emotion, it's about the connection. It's not always about fixing problems, it's got to be about that connection. Number four is reclaim your presence, right? When you're at home, be home, phones down, attention on, energy invested. I recently bought one of these bricks, and I've only got it here because I'm currently writing my book and I've got my phone switched off. But one of the best things, because it can shut down all of your apps. And when, for me personally, when I don't have access to things, I'm not picking up my phone and just mindlessly scrolling, I'm where I need to be. So presence isn't just about time, it's about attention. So think about it like this: people are looking for work-life balance, people are looking for harmony, and we go, if I'm spending X amount of hours at work, let's say eight-hour workday, then I need eight hours with my partner to balance that out. Wrong. It's about the intention with the time that you are allocating towards things, whether it's your time in the gym, your time with friends, your time working on goals, your time writing a book, what is what the best use of your time in that to deliver an outcome, right? And this is where you all should have visions for the seven domains. And if you aren't clear on the seven domains, take the free scorecard that is going to show you where you're drifting and where you're thriving in those areas. Because once you know and you get a rating, you will then be able to go, this is what a 10 would look like, and this is what has to happen to get there over the next three years. Number five now is audit your alignment. If the man your wife fell in love with met the man you are today, would she recognize him? This isn't just about saying you shouldn't grow, you should, but you should also stay connected to yourself and to what matters most, which means when you were winning your partner over, you have to do the daily deposits to still be the man that she values and she is inspired and proud to walk side by side, just as much as you would want the same from her. So you must make sure that she recognizes who you're becoming. We've all had our journeys of growth, myself included. And I would look back and go, I'm completely different to who I was when I first met Amy. But if I think about the things that I did when I first met Amy that I still do now, it's giving her time, it's making her feel valued, seen, and heard. So are you doing that with your partner as well? Because you're doing that in your business. You're seeing problems arise and you address them, you look to solve them and you're always on the pulse because you know if you don't, business fails. And if we think business fails, I'm a failure. Take the same approach with your marriage. You need to be on the pulse. You need to go, how is my relationship health? How is my partner feeling? Are they feeling valued, seen, and heard? If not, what do I need to do to make that happen? Because you're growing together. So that's going to be your starting point. Small changes done consistently will shift the entire energy of your relationship. You may be thinking, lucky, yeah, but you don't know how much pressure I'm under. And you're right, you're carrying a lot. Teams potentially, revenue, reputation, responsibility. I get it. But if your relationship collapses, what are you really building it all for? Being intentional about your marriage doesn't take more time. It gives you time because it creates harmony, stability, and support that ripples into every area of your life. You don't just need to choose between impact and intimacy. You just have to lead differently. And this is one of the biggest mistakes that men are making at the moment is they are assuming that loyalty lasts forever. Loyalty is earned daily. I'd call it the daily deposits, right? Through presence, through appreciation, through alignment. For my wife, the daily coffee. But when your partner feels seen, safe, and included, she doesn't just wait. She walks with you. Because when you build a business in isolation, you're going to build walls up, right? You're doing it by yourself. But when you build with love and leadership, you're building a legacy. You're building something, a spaceship or a bus that brings all of your friends and the people that you care about on board. So if this hits home, don't scroll away. Take five minutes to find out where your life is thriving and where it's quietly drifting. Take the scorecard. Because if your business is growing but your connection is fading, that is not success. That is imbalance. Take the seven-domain scorecard, the same tool that I'll use with my clients to help them realign before we start. It's only five minutes. If you're enjoying these videos, make sure you see what videos are suggested next. There's plenty to come. Drop a comment below. I would love to engage with you and find out what you're thinking about, what you're building towards, what you're challenging with, and what's most important in your marriage. My name's Lochin Stewart. Thank you for being here and enjoy the next video.