You don’t need to be charismatic to be a great leader. You need to be consistent #659

Most men stop leading themselves the moment life stops giving instructions. School teaches you to follow rules, not lead your life. In this episode, Lachlan Stuart breaks down the five core skills that make a man worth following: self-awareness, emotional regulation, communication clarity, courageous confidence, and decisive problem solving.
 

You’ll learn how to lead yourself with calm, integrity, and direction — at home, at work, and within.

The Man That Can Project helps men grow from the inside out, strong in body, calm in mind, clear in purpose, confident in life.

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Chapters

• 1:00 Welcome And Purpose Of The Show
• 2:01 Life Update And Fatherhood Prep
• 3:28 2025 Planning And Coaching Pathways
• 5:46 Training Wins And Health Tracking
• 7:05 Why Self-Leadership Comes First
• 7:52 Skill One: Self-Awareness
• 9:26 Skill Two: Emotional Regulation
• 11:22 Skill Three: Communication Clarity
• 12:46 Skill Four: Courageous Confidence
• 14:32 Skill Five: Decisive Problem Solving
• 16:36 Be The Compass: Quiet Influence
• 17:53 Weekly Action Plan And Closing

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:30

Welcome back to the Man the Can Project. Thank you guys for returning. And if you're tuning in for the first time, my name's Lachlan Stewart. I'm a life coach and I specialize in helping men grow from the inside out so that they can be strong in their body, calm in their mind, clear in their purpose, and confident in their life. And it's something that I've had great success with over the last almost decade. And that's one thing before we dive into today's episode, I just want to start giving a few more updates on where I'm at for two reasons. One, I know there are a number of you who tune into the podcast because you follow social media, and on social media, you don't necessarily always get to give the depth to what's going on in life, and there's plenty of lessons that I'm constantly learning. And secondly, when I go back and listen to these in the years to come, I want to know what was going on in my life. Um, so it's almost like a little journal, but uh be short and sharp. But just before we do, I want to share what we're gonna go through in today's episode. Uh, the main part is gonna be around the five skills that make a man worth following. You may be listening to this because you want to lead better in life, not only uh in your organizations, in your family, but yourself. You want clarity around what direction you want to move in life, and we're gonna go through that today. So make sure you stick around. Quick update on what's going on in my life. My wife is 23 weeks pregnant, which I'm very excited about. There's a lot of conversations I'm having with people. Some of you are messaging me on social media and just giving me insights, things to prepare towards. When we have a kid, I was on a podcast yesterday, and the lady asked me, like, what are you most excited about? And I'm genuinely pumped to become a dad. I have been indirectly building towards this for almost a decade because I believed that the man that I wanted to become would be a great father, and that meant that I would be honest, it meant that I would be in a position to provide, I would set a life up that I'm grateful to live, I would have an awesome understanding of my emotions so that I could be in control when the times get tough. And I genuinely believe I'm in that position. So I'm very excited to have a kid and move into that next season of my life. So if you're already there, feel free to message me some of those tips. Uh if you're in a position where you're about to become a dad, well, how freaking exciting for all of us! Very, very excited for that. In terms of like the business front, where am I at? I set a goal to do 25 keynotes this year, more so in the last three months, and I have knocked that out of the park. So I'm very grateful for that. I have learned a lot. I have been able to stand in front of thousands of people and share stories around resilience, around building a life that you love and proving to yourself that you're capable of more than you think. And I'm grateful that I get the opportunity to do that. And I know 2026 is gonna be even bigger on that front. So I'm already starting to plan. And I want to ask you have you started to think about what you want your 2025 to look like, both personally and professionally? Because the more time you can give yourself to plan, the greater likelihood that you'll understand what it's gonna really take. You can have the conversations, you can allocate the time in order to achieve these outcomes. And that's um one thing that I believe is important. You know, look, it's the 30th of October today as I'm filming this, and I'm already starting to plan towards next year. Doesn't mean I'm giving up on this year. I've still got plenty to go. I think I've got three keynotes left. Uh, my wait list for one-to-one coaching is constantly growing, which I'm grateful for. And just I guess an insight if you are someone who's thinking about coaching, one thing that I know needs to happen. If you've taken the seven domain scorecard, the purpose of that is to help you audit the domains of your life and to bring some awareness around where you're drifting and where you're leading. Right? When you're aware of that, you can then take stock around what would you need to improve next year to improve your quality of life. So if you haven't done that, do that. It's free, it'll take you about three minutes and it'll give you a direct bit of feedback. It'll give you a report and also show you how you can improve some of those areas. Now, that's highly important because if you ever feel you're in need of coaching with me, that is going to be the first thing that I always recommend you do anyway. And for most people, that'll be more than enough to get you started on setting some goals for 2026. Off the back of that, what happens next is the seven domains really shows us where you're at, and the become method is what allows you to grow into the man that you need to become to achieve the life that you want to live. And I'm super excited to be working with men to helping them become strong in their body, calm in their mind, clear in their purpose, and confident in their life, right? That's um one of the best things, and it's a 16-week program one-to-one, which to be honest, next year I'm only working with a maximum of 10 people for the entire year because it takes a lot of my mental energy. I travel a lot, I'm also going to be a father, so there's not a lot of opportunity there. But stay tuned because we will have more group stuff next year as well, which I'm excited about, and I'll share that later. From a training front, training is going well. Obviously, this year I am super grateful for a lot of the goals that I ticked off. Still got one that's burning at me, which is breaking 17 minutes for a 5k. I have not quite got that, but we did the sub three hour marathon. Obviously, the 58 marathons, I ran 60 in total this year, the sub-130 half marathon. So there's a lot of goals that have been falling, and for the rest of the year, I just want to get my strength up. You know, I use my whoop to understand how my overall health rating is. And I'm actually going to get my brother-in-law on the pod in a couple of weeks. We're going to talk about that and what we track and why it's important for us. For those who don't track data, uh, it will just give you an insight into why it's important to me. And, you know, I make my clients start tracking those things as well for long-term health. But that's a bit of an update. For now, let's get into the episode. The five skills that make a man worth following. It's an interesting topic and one that I really wanted to dive into. I've been speaking to a lot of men who are feeling stuck and they feel like they don't know what's next. They're winning on paper, but there's still a sense of unfulfillment. And to me, that really comes back to how do we lead ourselves? How do we make ourselves the individual that would be worth following? Because if we can do that, we're going to have direction, we're going to have a sense of purpose. Okay. And in the process, we're going to generally lead and inspire other people. And I do believe that's why you're listening to this show. So my name's Loughlin Stewart, and today we're going to dive into some fun stuff. Most men think leadership is about control, about being the loudest, the strongest, and the one who is always in control and the one who is always right. But that's not leadership. A great man doesn't force people to follow him. He earns it. He creates certainty. His presence says, I've got myself. You can trust my direction. That's what real influence is. It's not what you say, but it is who you are when no one is watching. I'm Lachlan Stewart and I am the founder of the Man That Can project. I help men grow from the inside out by becoming strong in your body, calm in your mind, clear in your purpose, and confident in your life. And in this video, I want to talk to you about the five skills that make a man worth following. Because when you lead yourself well, your partner, your kids, your colleagues, and your mates, they feel it. You know what I've noticed? Most men stop leading themselves somewhere between finishing school and being challenged with their first real problem. School teaches you to follow the instructions, tick the boxes, get the grades, do what's expected, but no one gives you the playbook for your marriage. No one marks your effort when you're trying to show up for your partner after a long week at work and when you're trying to stay calm with your kids, even though you're wrecked. And for years, this was me. Well, minus the kid part. I've only got a kid on the way now. But as a in my marriage, there were things that I was challenged with. I wasn't failing, I just wasn't growing. I was doing what was expected. Keep your head down, don't rock the boat, keep moving forward. Then life stopped giving me instruction. There were no teachers, no grades, just consequences. That's when I'd realized I've learned how to follow rules but not lead myself. And that's the gap that holds so many men back. We confuse doing enough with becoming capable. So let's talk about the five skills that actually build leadership from the inside out. These aren't tactics, they're real skills that you can build, and they'll change how you show up in your relationships, your home, your life. First part is self-awareness. What story am I telling myself? Everything starts with a story running in your head. Maybe you tell yourself I'm only valuable when I'm achieving. I know I did that for so long, almost far too long. So you throw yourself into work, you train harder, you overcompensate, but deep down you feel like you're never enough. Or maybe your story is I'm not good at expressing emotion. So you shut down in hard conversations, you pull away when your partner needs connection. Those stories drive your everyday behavior. So here's a practical cue. Before you act, pause and ask what story is running the show right now? Is it helping me or is it hurting me? And I call this the sliding door moment or the fork in the road because every choice we make is moving us towards the man we want to become, the leader we want to become, the father we want to become, or moving away from that. If you can change the story, you can change the behavior. The second one is emotional regulation. Calm is power. Most guys mistake control for volume. They think confidence means raising their voice, standing taller, being in charge, but calm is power. It's when your kid's losing it, your partner's upset, or the day's gone sideway and you stay steady. You don't match chaos, you anchor it. There's research showing that a leader's emotional state directly affects everyone around them. And it's true at home too. If you're calm, your family feels safe. If you're tense, they feel that too. Next time you feel your chest tighten or your tone rising, slow your exhale and drop your shoulders and ask yourself, what does this moment need from me? You'll find clarity lives on the other side of calm. Number three, community clarity. Communication to me is one of the most important skills that you can ever develop. And the way that I have improved it just quickly is writing. Writing is essentially your thoughts slowed down. And when you're writing, you're starting to make sense of it, which helps with community clarity. But this is where the man who commands respect. So ever told your partner I'll try to be better or I'll do more around the house and then realize later that neither of you actually knew what you meant. Clarity builds trust and it makes things tangible and it allows you to make a plan and act. So when you're clear, people relax. They know what to expect. So instead of vague promises, try this. Hey, I'll take care of dinner twice a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays. This gives you some breathing room. That's specific. It's simple and it shows integrity. At work, it might sound like can you please send me the report by 3 p.m. with updated numbers on X and Y. Clear language builds confidence in you and in others. The fourth is courageous confidence. So strength with humility. Confidence without humility becomes arrogance. And it's something that us Australians really get nervous around. We think about tall poppy syndrome. And many of us shrink ourselves because we don't want people to call us arrogant. But if you can have confidence with humility, that is where the winning comes. So humility without confidence becomes a weakness. It really does. You see a lot of these nice guys and they get pushed over because they don't have confidence to share what they believe in or to stand up for what they believe is right. You need both humility and confidence. See, courage is telling the truth even if it risks approval, even if it risks approval. Like saying, I'm not okay right now or I made a mistake. Humility is owning that, learning from it, and still showing up. I see a lot of men either puff their chest or disappear completely. But real strength is standing there steady, open, willing to be wrong, but not wavering from your values. That's the kind of man that people trust. The fifth one is decisive problem solving. Problem solving is something that many men steer clear of. We struggle to make decisions and we don't like to solve problems because we haven't really been taught to solve problems. And this is why it's such an important skill to build and it will help you build momentum massively. A good man tries, a great man decides. He doesn't overthink things and does not avoid the tough calls. He moves. And I'm sure you're thinking of a mate right now or someone that you believe leads really well in their life. If your relationship feels flat, don't just talk about spending more time together. Decide Friday night, no phones, dinner at home, just us. Right? You're starting to make decisions, you're starting to make action. And if your health's been sliding, don't plan the perfect routine. Pick one habit today, walk after work, no negotiation. Progress beats perfection every time. And the key is to just get moving, start creating that change instantly because momentum will build your confidence. So set a small decision clock. What can I decide on by 4 p.m. today? Make the call, move, learn, adjust. That's leadership in motion. Think of a compass. It doesn't yell directions. Imagine if it did, that'd be maybe some like cartoon or something like that. It doesn't demand to be followed either. It just points the true north consistently. That's what self-leadership is. You don't need to shout, perform, or prove. You just need to be steady with your words and with your aligned actions. I remember with the 58 marathons, I was in Mexico for Christmas, and people were still asking, like, do you think you can do this? And they were really almost trying to get me to prove myself. I didn't need to big note myself. I didn't feel the need to try and even convince them that I could do it because I knew what my goal was. I knew, had known the work that I'd put in, and I believed that I was going to achieve it. So I was just focused on my words and aligning the actions that had to come that I had control over in order to deliver the outcome. So make sure that you're steady. People will feel it, your partner will feel it, your kids will see it. That's trust and that's influence. Do what you said you do and carry yourself like a man who will continue doing it. That's the kind of man that others would follow. So here's what I want you to do this week. I don't want these podcasts just to be about getting your mind thinking. I want to give you some actionable steps so you can start improving your life so that one day you get to a position where you're so proud of the man that you become and you're like, man, I'm so glad that I listened to Lockheed's podcast. Maybe give it a five-star rating if you like that. But here's what we're gonna do this week we're gonna run a daily audit. So, what story drove my actions today? Secondly, practice calm under pressure. Three slow breaths before you speak. So and just repeat that three times. You'll notice how instantly you just feel calm. Thirdly, we want to make one clean request. So be clear, not vague. Then we want to say the courageous sentence, right? What truth have you been avoiding? Say it. Then, fifth, we want to make one small decision. Choose action over overthinking. So if you notice you're ruminating, if you notice your mind is racing, ask yourself from all other things that are going on in my mind, what is one decision I could make to make progress towards a goal that I'm working on? You don't need to be charismatic to be a great leader. I do not consider myself charismatic, and may I guess the jury's out on whether I'm a great leader, but I do feel that I lead myself well and I lead my family well. You just need to be consistent. Your calm, your clarity, and your consistency, that's what will earn trust. And if you want to get a clear read on where you're thriving and where you're drifting, take the seven domain scorecards. You can either head over to my website, themanatcamproject.com and see it on the home page, or you can click the link below and you'll be able to get that. It takes literally three minutes and it will give you instant feedback on the areas of your life, plus a few little tips that you can take in order to start improving those domains of your life so you can move towards 2026 with a little bit of momentum. Because when you lead yourself well, you will become a man worth following. My name's Lachlan Stewart, and I'm the founder of the Man That Can Project. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure you share below in the comments what you enjoyed. Leave it a rating, share it on your social media, and we will see you back here next week.