Raise Your Standards Or Stay Stuck (In Every Area of Life) #666

We challenge the myth that success is about more effort and show why integrated standards across body, mind, relationships, and purpose create real momentum. From marathon lessons to the psychology of self-discrepancy, we lay out practical steps to close the gap between who you are and who you could be.

• selective standards creating identity dissonance
• the leak effect across health, work, and relationships
• lessons from 58 marathons on alignment
• self-discrepancy theory and the good enough trap
• identity-based language versus conditional effort
• three steps to raise standards without burnout
• minimums and non-negotiables that stick
• accountability, data, and environment design
• clarity, integrity, energy, respect, and freedom as outcomes

Check out the link in the description. I have created a free life performance scorecard to show you exactly where you're drifting and where you're thriving. It takes less than four minutes. Go below and check the link in the comments or in the description.

Chapters

• 1:57 The Real Flex: Standards Unseen
• 2:46 Introducing Lachlan And His Mission
• 3:18 High Performers With Hidden Gaps
• 5:02 Identity Dissonance And Burnout
• 6:02 Holiday Slip And Alcohol Honesty
• 8:09 Choices, Goals, And Alignment
• 9:06 Lessons From 58 Marathons
• 11:23 Self Discrepancy And The Good Enough Trap
• 13:19 Low Vs High Standards Language

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:58

It's easy to have high standards at work, to hit the numbers, to stay disciplined in the gym and push yourself when people are watching. But the real flex, the one that actually matters, not this one, is holding the same standards in your mindset, your relationships, and your health, especially when no one's keeping score. Because success built on selective standards always cracks. You can't live like a leader in one area and drift in another, no matter how hard you try. Eventually it catches up with you, not as failure, but as frustration and disconnection. And it's a quiet loss in self-respect. I have created a free life performance scorecard to show you exactly where you're drifting and where you're thriving. And it takes literally under four minutes. And so check out the link in the description. It is a wicked tool that is going to help you make 2026 better than ever. So if you're stopping in for the first time, my name is Lachlan Stewart and I am founder of the Man That Can Project. And I help men rebuild from the inside out so they can come become strong in their body, calm in their mind, clear on their purpose and confident in their life. And what I want to share with you today is why raising your standards across every area, not just one, the ones that are visible, will change everything in your life. Most of the men that I'm working with are high performers and they're nailing it in one domain of their life. Could be rinsing it with money that have an elite level of fitness, but they're quietly underperforming in the ones that determine the real happiness. You know, the ones that we don't track, the ones that we don't measure. And they think that real success just means doing more. We're constantly looking to do more. But raising your standards isn't just about more effort. It's about integrity as well, doing the things that matter most to you. So when you hold high standards at work, but accept mediocrity with your health, your relationships, you create an identity dissonance, which is essentially the gap between who you are and who you know you could be. And that gap drains your energy, right? It drives burnout. And over time, it will erode the trust that you have within yourself. Your standards are like a water pressure. So as one leak, it will weaken the entire system. So an example of this is right now, I'm living through this as we speak today. It's the silly season, right? It's Christmas. We're in, what is the date? 9th of December, 2025. And I've spent almost this entire year and last year not drinking alcohol. And the reason why I chose to do that was because earlier in the year I ran 58 marathons and 58 days across all 50 US states and all eight states and territories. So I'm jumping on international flights running through winter. It was wild. But I chose to do that because I knew that whenever I drink alcohol, my mood plummets. My recovery the next day is not ideal. And I start to get a little bit sad. And for me, I guess I loosened the or became a little bit relaxed this season because I thought I'd had a big two years. I wanted to catch up with some mates and enjoy those experiences. And look, it's been bloody fun. But today, I tell you what, I'm in the horrors. I'm had you know catch-ups with mates for the last four days. I've even got a dinner tonight, and I'm starting to dread it because I'm creating this gap between who I am and who I believe I can become and what I'm actually capable of. And because of that, I'm starting to build some resentment. I'm starting to feel a little bit sad and I know that I'm not giving my best effort. I'm about to become a dad. So it's really important to me that I'm switched on and I'm as present as I can possibly be, and that I'm showing up for my clients and working towards the next challenge that I want to hit in 2027. So, you know, that having that period of not drinking versus what I'm doing now, it's just reminding me that, hey, every time I do get on the booze, get on the piss, yes, it's fun, but it is also holding me back from who I believe I'm capable of becoming. And I just need to ask myself, as I'm sure you have similar questions for yourself, where it's at this point in my life, at this season in my life, what's more important to me? Because there's always going to be choices. And each choice will move either move me towards or away from that goal and that outcome. And, you know, I obviously am very clear on what goals are going to move me towards where I want to be and who I want to become. So that's what I've, you know, gotten very clear on. So let me share with you how I learned this the hard way. When I ran into 58 marathons and 58 days across the 58 states, I learned fast that you can't hold high standards in isolation. So what I mean by that is that every part of me had to align my body, my mind, my relationships, my recovery, my nutrition and all of it. If one slipped, the whole thing could start to collapse. And it wasn't just about running. That was the least of my worries, actually. It was more about who I had to become to keep going. There were days when I felt broken. There were days when I was exhausted, disconnected, freezing. And every time I let one of the standards drop, you know, whether it was how I thought, how I feeled myself, how I recovered, even how I treated people, it leaked into something else. I did a little bit of research, I did a little bit of digging, and there's a little bit of psychology behind it, which you'll like. So psychologist E. Tori Higgins calls this the self-discrepancy theory. Basically, it means the bigger the gap between who you are and who you want to be, the more discomfort you'll feel, right? So frustration, guilt, anxiety. In coaching, I call that the good enough trap. You're doing fine by the world standards, but deep down, you know you're capable of more. And I know you know. That's why you're listening to this. And I have started to realize that look, some people don't have that desire to see what they're capable of. And that is okay. You know you better than anyone else. The answer isn't to work harder, it's to close the gap between who you are being and who you are meant to be. That is it. And that happens when your standards become integrated, not conditional. Super important. So I want to break this down with you and we can do this together. So when your standards are low in a domain, you say things like, I'll train when I feel like it, I react when I'm stressed, I show up when it's convenient. That's a common one I hear all the time. I spend more spend my time looking successful. I work to be seen. I escape when I feel overwhelmed. And this is an interesting one to dive into, and maybe we'll do that on a different episode. I consume information but never imply it, you know, those event junkies. But when your standards are high, when they're identity-based, it sounds like this. I train because it's who I am, and this is me, I believe it. I respond with clarity and control. I stay present and consistent, especially when it's hard. I invest to build freedom and future stability, right? This is a really cool one to think about. I work from conviction, not validation. And I design my days around my values and recovery. And there's a different video I've done talking about values. I implement, reflect, and evolve through action. Best one ever. I think that's a really important one. But look at this. The goal isn't perfection, right? It's alignment. When your standards rise together, your life is going to gain structure. You stop negotiating with yourself, you know, we all do it from time to time, and you start moving with conviction. I want to share a little story about this. So when I actually really started prioritizing my health, it was about 2014, and I loved to appear as next, you know, as much as the next bloke. And I would always find myself going out on the weekends and partying, and I would have that gap start to appear. I was not acting in the way that I thought I could to deliver the outcomes that I wanted. And as I've already spoken about here, that gap kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And I started getting anxious, frustrated, and resentful. But what happened in 2014? I made the decision that I wanted to turn my life around. And at the time, I started committing myself to these 16-week fitness challenges. And I did seven or eight back-to-back, so a couple of years worth. The reason why that was so beneficial for me was I had what they call the rubber arm, where if someone would say, Hey, you want to go for a beer or you want to come out on the weekend or you want to go have a punt? And I was thinking, Yeah, we've got nothing else to do, so I'll do that. But then that cycle would repeat. So eventually I had to break the pattern. And by having what I call as an excuse, or just looking back, I just made a different decision. I committed to something, but it was my opportunity to say hey to my mates, I can't at the moment just because I'm really focused on this 16-week challenge and I really want to win it. So that became extremely beneficial for me uh in the long run. And that was how over time I started learning more about exercising. I started learning more about eating well, and I started learning more about sleep and recovery. And now where I am and the level of understanding that I have, and even the data that I get off my whoop, and it's something that I work when I'm working with my clients, I make them get a whoop, is that we can use that data to educate you in order of what you need to know to get better results, to feel better, to look better, and to perform better, you know, ultimately be a better version of yourself. And that's why it's so important and so powerful that we start looking at these things and start saying, Hey, what do I really need to improve right now? So look, I'm no longer negotiating with myself. Health is a priority because I know that it is the base of everything else that we do. And it's why when you work with me, we go through building a strong body, a calm mind, and then a couple of other steps. It's why we go through, first of all, helping you build a strong body, helping you calm your mind, helping you find a clear and create a clear purpose, and then building a confident life. That is literally the four areas that I help my clients go through. And eventually we'll have a program out for everyone to be able to follow suit, which we're gonna start working on in 2026. But now I want to share with you three steps to raise your standards. So these are the three steps to raise your standards without burning out. So step one, get brutally honest, right? Audit your life. And we got plenty of tools for this that I'm gonna make available to everyone soon. But ask yourself, where are your standards slipping? Don't justify, identify, right? So don't ever say I can't do that because I'm working long hours. If you don't change, it's not gonna change, right? That's just you justifying not doing the thing you know you need to do. Step two, set your minimums, define your non-negotiables for health, mindset, and relationships. These aren't goals, right? They're your identity anchors. So, for example, I identify, this sounds so weird saying that, but I identify as someone who moves their body daily, right? I just do that. That's what I do. And thirdly, create accountability. Surround yourself with people who won't let you drift, who notice when things are going a little bit off for you. Your environment determines whether you write sorry, whether your standards rise or erode. So what happens when everything aligns? When you raise your standards across the board, right? Everything simplifies. You stop wasting energy managing the guilt and start building momentum. And geez, it feels good. People talk about it as almost flow state, right? Where it just feels easy. But we've got to think about it like this you will gain clarity, you know what good enough actually means for you. You build integrity because your behaviors match your word. You feel energized because you're not leaking effort everywhere. You earn respect. People feel your consistency, and you feel it more importantly. I think when you know you're showing up, it feels bloody amazing. And you experience freedom because you're operating from identity, not in security. You don't just perform better, better, you become better, and that's what makes you unshape unshakable. So, what's the hidden cost of ignoring this? You can't achieve everything you thought you wanted the money, the title, the body, and still lose trust of the man in the mirror. That's scary. Because success without self-respect, in my opinion, isn't success. It's a quiet collapse. So if you feel that gap between who you are and who you know you could be, don't set another goal. Don't do it. Raise your standards instead. Bridge that gap. Start by measuring where you are because the moment that you get honest about your standards, that's when everything changes. Remember at the start, I said I have created the life performance scorecard. It is free. It helps you measure your body, your mind, your purpose, and your daily confidence. And it takes less than four minutes. You just got to go below and check the link in the comments there or in the description. So you can finally see which area is holding you back and which one will change your life the fastest. Thanks for being here. Be sure to check out some of my other videos.