Why Are We So Desperate to Impress People Who Don't Know Us? | Beau Robinson #667

Former Wallaby Beau Robinson went from playing in Super Rugby finals at 21 to working as a garbage man within three years. His brother had just passed away. He had no contract. No backup plan.

But he knew one thing: he could do it again.

In this raw, powerful conversation, Beau shares:
- Why external validation is destroying men's happiness
- How he rebuilt from rock bottom (twice)
- The simple mindset shift that changed everything
- Why 3 in 4 men don't have a close mate (and what to do about it)
- The leadership principle most organizations get backwards
- How to communicate when you can't find the words

This isn't motivational fluff. This is a blueprint from a man who's lost everything and built it back, multiple times.

TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 - Intro
03:24 - The Trap of Keeping Up with the Joneses
12:45 - From Super Rugby Final to Garbage Man
28:17 - The Five-Game Contract That Changed Everything
39:52 - 2023: When Success Couldn't Protect Him
51:33 - The Male Loneliness Epidemic
1:02:18 - Communication: The Skill You're Missing
1:15:41 - Leadership Before Culture Before Teams
1:24:06 - What Actually Makes Him Happy

Connect with Beau:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/beaurobbo/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/beaurobbo/?hl=en

https://www.completepropertytraining.com.au/

Check out Beau's book: In The Arena

#ManThatCan #BeauRobinson #MensMentalHealth #Leadership #Resilience

Chapters

• 0:00 Meet Bo Robinson And The Mission
• 1:03 Escaping External Validation
• 6:17 Reputation, Respect And Who Matters
• 10:27 Identity Beyond Sport
• 13:37 Final To Freefall: Italy And Loss
• 18:23 Garbo Shifts And Grit Goals
• 24:16 Simple Choices Under Pressure
• 29:20 Evidence Stacking And Self-Belief
• 34:18 Alignment Lessons From NZ Rugby
• 39:20 Leadership First, Then Culture, Then Teams
• 44:12 Contracts, Concussion And Perspective
• 49:18 Process Over Prizes
• 54:10 Money, Meaning And Minimalism

Transcript

Lachlan Stuart: 0:00

Welcome back to the Man That Cam was Lachlan Stuart, the podcast helping men build resilience, break limits, and lead themselves powerfully. Today I'm joined by Bo Robinson, former Wallaby, super rugby champion, and now one of Australia's leading leadership and cultural coaches. Bo is also the owner of the Complete Property Training and RTO, delivering real estate education since 2009. He's also the author of the powerful book In the Arena. So from the Australian Schoolboys to Super Rugby Finals to losing his brother, which we touched on, rebuilding his identity and redefining leadership, Bo brings a perspective very few men ever earn. In this episode, you'll learn one, how to break free from external validation and live on your own terms. What identity really means when the spotlight disappears, and the mindset that helped Bo rebuild from setbacks, grief, and career collapse into purpose, impact, and leadership. If this episode resonates with you, make sure you like, share, subscribe because it's going to help it reach more men who need to be part of these conversations. Let's dive in. There's so much good stuff that I want to talk to you about. And I've gone through so much of your content. You're very consistent with your Friday learnings. And one that I wanted to start with because it's something that I experienced and something we might have spoken about before, but I was definitely talking about it yesterday. But keeping up with the Joneses, I know you put a video out about it months ago. I struggle, bro. Being in Brisbane, like what have you thought more about it since you put that video out? Not really. I was like, I hope you just come and come back with an article or a research paper.

Beau Robinson: 1:41

No, I don't have the time or patience to no what do you mean? What are you like?

Lachlan Stuart: 1:48

Well, when you're talking about you you bumped into a mate who just moved out out of the, I guess, the spotlight, the town, and he's enjoying peace and quiet. And it's like I just got sick of keeping up with the Joneses. For me, when I'm in Brisbane, I feel like I have to earn more money and I have to constantly be showing that I'm successful. But when I go back to Toomba, or even when I was living overseas, that just disappeared. Like I felt like I had this freedom to just live how I actually wanted to live, if that makes sense.

Beau Robinson: 2:20

Yeah, definitely. I think um, and you know, I I see a lot of people like that, I suppose, just for a bit of context and background, you know, I've done business coaching, do leadership coaching, you know, mindset coaching, and that's a real issue for a lot of people, right? But you know, I suppose even for you, like why do you feel as though you need to do that in Brisbane? And I think for a lot of people, based on my observations and experience, they're looking for external validation. That sucks to hear. I don't know, like that again, that's just my perspective and why. I don't know. Why do they you know why are they trying to impress people that don't even know?

Lachlan Stuart: 3:11

I guess if you go back to the external value validation, it's just wanting to potentially be seen or feel seal feel value valued.

Beau Robinson: 3:22

Yeah, I'll give it from my perspective, right? Yeah if I don't know you, then I'm probably not necessarily giving a great deal of thought around what your thoughts are of me. Yeah. Right? Like in saying that, a lot of I see a lot of people, you know, I just ran into two people randomly down at Newstead there. And I want their perspective to be, because they do know me, that aligns with what I want to be regarded as. Right? But if someone's got an ill opinion of me, or you know, not a great opinion, and I don't like that person anyway, like I don't give a stuff. Does that make sense? Yeah, like or I don't respect them anyway. I'm like, I don't care. But as long as the people that I like know have a good opinion of me and regard me highly, that's important. So you know, you and I don't know each other very well, but I think you know, from what I've seen on social media and catching up with you, you know, we're pretty aligned, right? So if you came back to me like, uh, you know, or I got a feeling that there was something that you thought I, you know, could be better or do better, or there's something about my personality, that I would value because I'm like, okay, I feel as though I'm aligned with Lockheed. Yep. Values, behaviors, or wonder why he's getting that, or what have I done to give him that? But you know, someone down the road. Who's never met you, they just have an idea of you. I don't care. I don't care. Yeah. I mean, I I do care to some extent, like I but they might have, you know, they're so far removed. Yeah, literally, they don't understand all the nuances and whatnot. And you see, like, that happens a fair bit in in in my coaching, right? When I go into teams and and and businesses and companies, they're like, oh, I've I've you know professional rugby player, former professional rugby player, right? So they have this already preconceived idea of what I'll be and who I'll be like that. I just talk football all the time. Yep. And I'm you know anything but that.

Lachlan Stuart: 5:26

Literally, yeah. That's what I loved about catching up with you. I warranted, like I had that same preconceived idea of like footy player he'll love love talking footy. We probably I don't think we really even spoke about footy. No, I don't think we've ever really spoken about footy. This is the most we've done, and I feel uncomfortable. Let's move on. But I think that's the the great thing, and the thing that I was really impressed about with you is like how much you've done post-rugby. I've that that transition period you said, and I'll paraphrase it, but like owning your impact for the people that do know you and the people that you care about. You're very focused on how you let them feel like you know, the impact that you have around them. What was that like during that transition period where you go on from rugby? That had been your identity for so long, and then into life after sport.

Beau Robinson: 6:17

Yeah, it was I think I was much more grounded even getting before becoming a professional rugby player because I hadn't grown up in, you know, sort of a bit more of a working class family, you know, out in Dubbo and went to a boarding school at Stennings in Bathur. So it wasn't a massive GPS school, and I it sort of and my old man will bring you back down to earth pretty quickly, right? So you don't get too big for your belt.

Lachlan Stuart: 6:43

I got a funny story that you shared that I'm gonna talk about with that later.

Beau Robinson: 6:46

Right? So, like you get too confident, cocky bang, he'll bring you back down real quick. Yeah. So I was always like, um, not necessarily like I didn't see myself as a professional rogue player, someone who played professional rugby, right? It wasn't who I was, it's what I did. And that was really, you know, hit home when so just again for those that don't know, like you know, I I I made my professional debut at 20. The following year played in the super rugby final, right, for the Waratars against the Crusaders over in Christchurch. The third year I was still with the team but didn't get a run. New coach came in.

Speaker 1: 7:21

Yep.

Beau Robinson: 7:22

You know, later that year I couldn't find anything in the world and ended up in the third division in Italy. Now, Italy's a beautiful place. The rugby's absolutely atrocious, and especially in the third division. So I'd been after the the cultural experience, amazing, the rugby experience. Oh my god. And uh whilst over there, my brother passed away coming over to see me, and so I didn't have a professional contract. So I literally went from you know being in a super rugby final to then my brother passing without a super rugby or professional rugby contract and working as a garbo on the northern beaches. So that the you know, I I suppose if you want to look at the positives, that again reminded me like no one gives a shit.

Lachlan Stuart: 8:13

What I'm fascinated in is like how do you you're playing a super rugby final, right? Like athl rugby players spend their whole career just trying to make that. You did that at 2021, right? 2020, right, 2021, and then you've gone on like that's essentially one of the pinnacle moments next would probably be Wallabies, right? But then you fall. Like, how how do you manage that though? Because so many people look at the state of affairs in Australia at the moment, right? There's a lot of people who are struggling financially, right? Yet they're still I always see like help wanted at McDonald's and whatever, and people still think they're too good to go work there. But if I look at the what's the objective putting food on the table or surviving, they change, but you've sort of seemed to navigate not smoothly, but definitely not smoothly.

Beau Robinson: 9:04

You you've just done what you've needed to do. Yeah, it's interesting. So I went down to the Moringa Ratzmile Club team down there, and they're like, you know, we can get you these corporate jobs in the city, like you know, a big career. And I was like, no, fuck that. I just want to be a professional rugby player, and I'm gonna be a professional rugby player again. So I appreciate it. I just want a job that starts early, finishes early, so I can go do my training. Lo and behold, Garbo was. And because I had a goal of actually playing for the Melbourne Rebels because they're a new team coming in in 2011, you know, all these new spots, and again, I was at this stage 23. Yep. And you know, I I I was pretty dedicated and committed. It's not like I was a Todd Carney or Ben Cousins, right? Pretty focused, and and it was exciting because they had all these new contracts, but unfortunately, by the time they gave all of them out, none of them had my name on it. Um unfortunately or fortunately, the way you want to look at it. How do you find the drive to keep going? It's a good point. You see, they go, Why am I doing this? You go, like, what's your alternative?

Lachlan Stuart: 10:10

Yeah, I I find it. I just want to try and like unpack it because a lot of people talk about mindset, and quite often I think they're referring to mindset as resilience. Like, how do I continue persevering to achieve what I want?

Beau Robinson: 10:25

So yeah, so literally, right? Righto, this is too hard, right? This is this is is this worth it? And there'll be times when you go, it's not. And then they sit there and I go, Righto, what else am I gonna do? And look like look at my options, are they better? No, then just keep going. Yeah, like if you've got a better option, that's all right, go and pivot. Yeah. But I you know, and I do this a fair bit and probably more consciously now, um, with some of the you know the personal development stuff that I've uh done over the le last couple of years, but it is literally this is crap, this is crap, and even with my coach, I go, that's all right. You don't have to do it. No one's making you do it. No one made you take this role. So if you don't like it, get out. Oh yeah, what else would you do? I don't know. Well, probably go and write a list and see if it'd work or not. It is that simple, right? Like simple, you like most of the stuff with the coach I've done and just simplify it because it just resonates. Yep, just lands home.

Lachlan Stuart: 11:37

Even for me, like I went and played footy in France probably the same time I was watching you playing on footy on TV. I think we talked more about your football career last time we called up online. Well it was longer, right? But after that, like I didn't I at that time I didn't have the know-how or the simplification to go, well, what's your alternative? So I was just like, Well, I'm a failure, let's just go drink, and hopefully we'll find something in that position, which obviously we know you you never do. Yeah, and now that I've sort of got like a second what I consider a second chance where I've found another thing that I love doing and I want to be great at, I just never want to take a shortcut because I definitely took shortcuts back in the day because there was an element growing up I did well to a degree, so and when you do well, especially as a young kid, it's like you're getting praised, and it feels good as a kid to get validated, and you always want that, right? Yeah, but then you also if if things do come a little bit easier to you, you said you had a hard uh you know working class upbringing for me. Sport in that specific thing was was easy, so I did start taking that for granted. Whereas now I'm just like, why my head's so strong is because I have lost that. And similar to you sort of went through that roller coaster as well. And I think there is a benefit in being humbled somehow that makes you appreciate the value of hard work.

Beau Robinson: 12:58

Yeah, yeah, most definitely. And just also to provide more context, right? When I was working as Garbo, like my brother had passed. So how old was your brother? Was he a younger? Younger one, yeah, two years younger than me. So he had passed, right? And I'd already been a professional rugby player and already played in a super rugby final, so I knew I could do it, right? So I was like, well, I can do this, and then I think with him passing, I went out and worked at Burke for like six weeks, and I was like, you know, it just gave me a really good opportunity to reflect and go, you know, I think I had a pretty good perspective on life and how to approach it, but that was just like why wouldn't you do it? Like why what are you gonna live this life for? You know, this is it, like you it can go literally. Like he, you know, he had an accident so and just gone, never get to say goodbye. So it just goes, shit, life that's quick, like live it. Live it. And and that was a pretty big why too, you know, like you know, to to live life to the fullest because it can be taken away that quickly. And that's why I was like, I just that was it, I was just focused on that and it was just gonna happen.

Lachlan Stuart: 14:12

Do you still use that now as motivation to do all the things you do?

Beau Robinson: 14:16

Yeah, mate, like in terms of like chase the money or chase happiness. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. 100%.

Lachlan Stuart: 14:24

What so you go through obviously you get back to playing professional rugby, like what was that moment like for you? Obviously, losing your brother, Garbo, not getting a contract with the rebels when you got the phone call or the email, whatever you got.

Beau Robinson: 14:42

Well, I did I didn't because they said no, because it was the Queensland Reds and my former coach at the Warrior Tires. You and Mackenzie had been up here, he'd been here for a year and already changed, started to change the place. And my manager, you know, reached out to him and said, Can Bo come up here? And he's like, No. No, we've got some other young blokes that we're developing. So I reached out to you and myself and I said, Listen, I've totally understand and respect you know your stance. I said, Can you just give me an opportunity? He said, Right, eh, no contract, but you come up and train with us in the preseason. And then I was I was training Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday mornings, and I was working at a pub Wednesday, Friday night, all day, Saturday and Saturday night, and always had Sundays off to recover mentally, physically. And I was in an agreement then that if you got five games, you got an automatic contract. And I suppose well the first goal was to you know make the earn, I suppose, the trial games, then it was to you know get a spot on the bench, and then it was to start, and then it was to get year five games, and then keep you on from there.

unknown: 15:50

Fuck.

Lachlan Stuart: 15:52

So these little milestones that you just had to focus on. Well, you another interesting thing, so obviously the contract's probably in the back of your mind, like I want to see myself here for a couple of seasons, which is the big thing, and maybe you've felt a fair way away at that point in time, you're rocking up without a contract. Do you at what points would you use like I want to be back in this sign for a couple of seasons to motivate you and to get you to do what you needed needed to do, as opposed to like I just need to get through this next session?

Beau Robinson: 16:23

Oh, it was literally probably not until the five games rolled around and got that because literally you did not have any security, like you get injured at training, you're done. You pack up like if you had a serious injury, pack up and gone, never to be seen again.

Lachlan Stuart: 16:42

Did you have any niggles during that period where you're like, ooh. I don't think so. No. You're a fucking animal on the field though. I I still I still literally, regardless of what people think of Aussie rugby at the moment, whenever like we need a bit of Mungle, I still reference you. I'm like, we need some more people like Bo just to get in there and fucking get it done.

Beau Robinson: 17:03

Hopefully better players, but because if we're relying on Bo Robinson save Australian rugby, we're in some strife. We're in some real strife.

Lachlan Stuart: 17:11

Well mate, Australian rugby. What do you think of it at the moment, just quickly?

Beau Robinson: 17:18

I thought from where we were halfway through the season that we'd probably would have advanced and progressed more. I'm a bit disheartened.

Lachlan Stuart: 17:26

Knowing what you know, right, uh having been in it, but also with the work that you do for mindset leadership, team coach, like performance coaching, what do you obviously this is objective uh subjectively speaking, like what do you feel is missing or lacking? Because the talents, I believe the talent's there.

Beau Robinson: 17:43

Yeah, I I was fortunate enough in 2013 that I went and played with a bay of plenty steamers in the NPC ITM over in New Zealand. Yep. And so being in that system, you saw that everything was aligned, like you know, the purpose of the ITM was then to develop players for super rugby that was to develop players to the all blacks. Everything was ultimately for the all blacks aligned to the all blacks, and ultimately above that at that point in time, might not be the case now, might not be the you know the the feeling or the sense over there, it was New Zealand rugby, rugby New Zealand, does that make sense? Like it was above the all blacks, but everything in terms of performance was about the all blacks and making sure that they were, you know, performing succeeding so that you know the next generation was inspired, and you could literally see that even down the ITM, what two or three stages away. Yeah.

Lachlan Stuart: 18:37

And so do you feel like Australia is lacking a bit of that at the moment? Based on the time I was involved in the game, definitely weren't aligned.

Beau Robinson: 18:45

Yeah. Across like again, it was you know, not towards, you know, everything was not about the wallabies or Australian rugby. Yep.

Lachlan Stuart: 18:54

Just the the game and the quick wins. But do you also then see that as something like if you're working in a business, it's almost like that top-down mentality where we need to think about who creates a culture and how the leaders are showing up, then impacts the half of because the states, the state unions have a bit more well, they have autonomy.

Beau Robinson: 19:18

Yeah. Whereas you walk into a company, that's not necessarily the case. Right. The departments shouldn't necessarily have, you know, just running their own show. They've got autonomy, obviously, but they don't get to call the shots.

Lachlan Stuart: 19:33

Right. And you feel they should, obviously, it's a case-by-case basis, but for a company that let's say hasn't been improving its revenue, there's uh cultural issues. Like where do you feel always at the top?

Beau Robinson: 19:47

Yeah, always at the top. Leadership, then culture, then teams. And most most organisations you walk into, they'll talk about team, then culture, then leadership. No, reverse that. Get your leaders sorted, they'll sort the culture out, that'll sort the team out. Yeah.

Lachlan Stuart: 20:00

I was speaking at an event the other day for a company and they were literally the company culture was insane, like really good. Like I this was a construction company too, and like they were doing like a a piece where it was just like sharing three questions and I literally sorry, I literally I was sitting in the back of the room and blokes were openly praising each other in the most meaningful way in a public forum with like a hundred other people. I've never seen that in my life. And then might have been six weeks prior, I was in another conference with similar, similar sort of field, and the CEOs, like I'm just looking at the CEO, he's sitting over here texting during my presentation. I'm like, how do you expect the rest of your staff to pay attention or show if they look over at you and you're completely disengaged? And that for me was like the leaders have to lead by example as well. It's it's no good to just get someone in the room and say we care about this, and then you're off doing other things, even if you are busy. You set the tone for things. Um I haven't met a person in the last five years not busy. Yeah, unfortunately. Some of the unemployed will tell you they're busy. Everyone's busy. Literally, literally. So for you then getting back into the footy, transitioning out. So you made it back, obviously. You you got your five, got your contract. Yep. You're feeling pretty good about yourself, I would imagine.

Beau Robinson: 21:24

Like you you're feeling secure, hopefully. The fifth game is the 78th minute. We're playing the cheaters, and I got man of the match. Actually, I got man of the match the week before against the Melbourne Rebels, which was a nice I told you we need Bo in the fucking wallabies.

Lachlan Stuart: 21:40

Bring him back. I've seen some players doing these things like uh day 68 of me getting fit again to come back to represent whatever team, you should start doing that on TikTok.

Beau Robinson: 21:50

Not on TikTok, it might be on TikTok. I and flew into the ruck 78th minute and uh got concussion. Um and Fox Sports were going to interview me, and the Reds media manager is just looking at me and was like, Oh, he seems a little more out of it than usual. And um thankfully didn't put me didn't didn't get me in front of the cameras because I went into the change room and I had concussion, and when I sort of started coming to it, I was like, you know, ask questions like why am I wearing a red jumper, or why am I not wearing a blue jumper? Oh, you live in Brisbane. I thought I lived in Sydney. And the holy crap and the realisation again that my brother had passed away, so it was like, you know, the boys are walking in the change room and I'm absolutely boiling my eyes out, and they're like shitty. No, he was aiming for the five games, which is probably a bit over the top of the east.

Lachlan Stuart: 22:44

They haven't even said they're giving you the contract yet.

Beau Robinson: 22:48

So and then we then you had the you know, we're gun we're literally flying to South Africa and it was a pretty big day for it was uh we're flying to South Africa the next day, and you know, mum was in the stands, she came in the change rooms, and also you know, she sees me doing that, but also the next day is the first day that sort of anyone from the family's gone back overseas because my brother passed away over in London coming to see me. So, you know, she was pretty stressed and distraught. And the the Reds, God bless them, just go, Oh, you've got to sign this contract to play the next game. And I was like, right, there's not much negotiation here, is there? You've got me in the corner, you've got me I'll take it. And it was the minimum contract. But and then you know, after that it was still good to have a bit of stability for the rest of the year, and then I think when we got back, started took a bit longer to sort out the contract for the next couple of years. So that was, yeah, that was reassuring to have a bit of security and stability.

Lachlan Stuart: 23:49

Yeah, but we were you proud of yourself, obviously having known what you where you'd come from and having reached the pinnacle, gone back down to you know, the op where people say maybe should get a you know, we can get you enrolled in this business programme or whatever, and you're like, no, I'm back of myself.

Beau Robinson: 24:04

Like that's that's huge. Yeah, definitely. I think um like at the end of the season, like total rugby season one today, I've sort of reflected a bit more. Probably didn't want to do too much of that whilst sort of like running a marathon, right? Like sort of reflect on how you've been going and sort of what's what's ahead. Keep running, so yeah, just keep running. But I think you know what I've achieved in my rugby career, you know, is well and good, and I'm proud of that, but it's probably I take more pride in how I achieved it and what I'd do to get there. Does that make sense? Like I paid 76 super rugby caps, I think, which is one test, 20 minutes. This podcast will go longer than my test career.

Lachlan Stuart: 24:49

Way longer than mine.

Beau Robinson: 24:50

Yeah, but yeah, again, it's it's not what I achieved, it's how I achieved it, which has given me great confidence and belief for life as well.

Lachlan Stuart: 25:00

I'm a massive believer in that because I think we believe the goal is the thing, and obviously when you're you know winning a super rugby title or you're getting your 20-minute test cap and everyone's you know clapping, and you're the man of the moment in for the people that care about you, but then the next day life goes on. And I I I realize that people said when the 58 marathons happened, they're like, You're gonna have a come down, mate. I was like, No, I'm not, because this does not define me, this is a stepping stone, and I know tomorrow I'm still a husband, I've still got other things to do. And I love chasing a goal, and you know, some are there are clear winners and losers, whether you're you're racing or playing rugby, or there are outcomes, but it's more about who you become in that process because as you said, it's like when you do something that you didn't think was possible initially and you've now done it, it completely changes how you see yourself, how you see the world. Even now for me, like off the back of the 58, I don't care about the 58, but fuck I'm a lot more confident in what I can achieve and what I believe people are capable of as well.

Beau Robinson: 26:07

Yeah, definitely. And I think sometimes people, you know, maybe you and I reflect on what they've achieved, but others don't, and they probably should. Definitely what have you already overcome in life that should give you confidence in what you're about to take on.

Lachlan Stuart: 26:23

Definitely. I think it's stacking evidence, right? We we we we we highlight the negative things, the where we've messed up, the mistakes we made. We dwell on that, like people dwell on that shit all the time, and we just stack these pillars under uh negative belief. But we've also everyone's done cool stuff. Like you s you go to the pub and have a yarn with someone, and they'll start telling you a story like, Why is this not being on a podcast? This is unreal. Like, I see it happen all the time, and they're like, Oh yeah, it is actually a pretty cool story. I'm like, I've never experienced anything like that. Take me, pig and or whatever, whatever it is, right? And that's I think we often take for granted because we're comparing, and I do believe there's benefit in comparison. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it as well. But comparison, we often do it in a light where it's like, oh, we haven't done enough, we're not good enough, we aren't enough, as opposed to going, you know, Bo's done this and he's done it the hard way. How can I learn some things from him to help pull me forward to that next level of myself? Has comparison been a big part in your life, played a big role in your life? No, not really. Damn it, conversation dad.

Beau Robinson: 27:30

No, and I'll tell you again, I think uh much more conscious of that sort of stuff now, right? Again, with the journal, you know, the personal development stuff I've done, you know, and uh particularly after studying the advanced diploma of neuroscience, like that was like it really made me more conscious and like wow, this is amazing. I think you touched on it there, like I don't compare, I observe right what's working over there, and do I want to incorporate and implement that? But I everyone knows comparisons, they should. No, it's dangerous. And again, why are you doing it? You're not fine enough, I'm gonna say happiness or fulfillment in your own life with what you've got. I don't know. But maybe maybe that's just my personal perspective based on my journey.

Lachlan Stuart: 28:30

Yeah, it almost I'm just thinking out loud here, but do you think in a way it could almost remove a sense of responsibility from your own life where it's if I'm not comparing myself to myself, meaning what did I do yesterday and reflect on like how could I improve those actions or behaviors or outcomes, it's easy to compare myself to Bo because then I can say, Oh Bo's Bo and I'm not Bo, so therefore I can't do it. I don't know whether that made sense, but Yeah, it it it it does. I I just think if I'm having and I I I always want to be respectful to people because I understand that people are everyone's in a different season of life and has different experiences, but when people say things like I don't know or that's not possible, or they can't seem to at least explore a solution. To me, I'm just thinking like you that limitation that you've got there, the very fact that you aren't at least exploring options is gonna be the reason why nothing changes for you. Yeah. As opposed to knowing that you know we can pick up any book, listen to any podcast, chat to any person, and there's gonna be probably one thing we can learn from them that will improve our life. Yeah, definitely. And all we need to then do is go, well, these are the things that are currently holding me back, whether it's the fact that I don't understand how to name and navigate my emotions, whether it's my financial position, whether it's I don't know what I want to do for the next chapter of my life, like cool, that's real. As you said, like simplify it, that's my reality. Awesome. Yeah. But what could be the potential things that I could do about it to get myself in a position that maybe I want to be in?

Beau Robinson: 30:11

Yeah. It's in it when you talk about that financial position, I think that is like there are people genuinely struggling, right, to put food on the table. But I think the comparison thing for the majority of people, right, is that they they are that's that's a massive downfall of theirs. They compare like, oh, I'll be happier when I'm making that money, or that person's got the money. Like, you can't fucking find happiness with the financial situation you're in, you're in some strife.

Lachlan Stuart: 30:42

Yeah.

Beau Robinson: 30:42

Like that if you think that's gonna help, because I've seen people are making a heap of money, and they still, you know, live from paycheck to paycheck. Yeah, yeah, the old um golden handcuffs with the FIFO workers, right? Oh, when I make this, you keep spending it. Yeah, your lifestyle inflates. Yeah, you you you know you think you're chasing happiness, but you don't know what that looks like.

Lachlan Stuart: 31:05

How did you find happiness?

Beau Robinson: 31:10

Well, what makes you happy, isn't it? Just what brings you happiness. It's you know, playing rugby, being surrounded by people. You know, for me it's it's very much about connection. Yeah. With good humans, good experiences, right? Like, you know, that's I'm not a materialistic person. Some would say tired.

Lachlan Stuart: 31:30

I was listening to a video from your from your mates in the group chat. Yeah. And you you you've gone, oh yeah, one of the boys, I'll I'll butcher this story, but I thought it was hilarious. One of your mates has said, Oh, should I get an audio book or something? And you're like, I think it's directed at me, so I chimed in. I'm like, yeah, definitely great investment. And all the boys are baffled because you're such a tight bastard. They're like, why would you spend 12 bucks on that?

Beau Robinson: 31:54

Oh man. Yeah, but uh like yeah, I would probably say I'm tighter personally than professionally, right? I don't need much. Like I I'm uh, you know, give me four beers on a Friday night and barbecue on the back of the deck or going camping. Like, I'm happy. Yeah. Like I am literally happy, right? Like I don't and I don't necessarily need to put that up to see you know, if that's not other people's definition of happiness, that's fine. Don't bother me.

Speaker 1: 32:21

Yeah.

Beau Robinson: 32:21

Um, but I I I invested a heap of money in myself and training and development because I love it. Yeah. And I want to be the best that I can be in every aspect of my life, personally and professionally. So like, yeah, the best investment is always in yourself. Definitely money and time.

Lachlan Stuart: 32:37

I think and for people to understand why it's so important, because if we have questions that maybe we are afraid to answer or don't know how to answer, or anything like that, like that's where you get the you essentially get your hand held. Like I had my hand held for years trying to figure things out.

Beau Robinson: 32:55

I still get my hand held. Yeah, I love it. Like I rolled up to a conference there the other day, last week it was, by Robinson. Have you registered? I thought I had. Well, I hoped I had. I was like, I I put a comment in the group saying I was coming, and she's like, Did you click through the link to actually register? I was like, probably not, but it's answered this. And she's laughing. I was like, only one of us is surprised by this, I can assure you. I rock up to a flight on the right day at the right time with my baggage through a week. Because you'd be surprised how many times I've rocked up to my hotel. Like, I'm checking in, they're like, You booked it for next month. Of course I did. Yeah, good. I'll just take the sofa. Well, it's a gonna cost me tonight, bro. It's an extra $400, of course it is.

Lachlan Stuart: 33:49

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tax on that, bloody hell. Yeah, yeah. But I I think that's important though, and to me, it probably circles back to that whole keeping up with the Joneses. I've asked a number of like I had literally had a client, it's cool we're talking about this. Obviously, spending the day with clients yesterday, talking to him about things. One guy's loaded, like eight, multiple eight figures, and we're talking about his goals for the year, and then he's like, What's your goals for the year? I told him, you know, a couple of them, he's like, I just want that. That to me is like a great life. And I'm very fortunate, I'm very similar to you. Everything you said, like keep it simple as possible. I think the more we own, the more things have control over us and our emotions. I'm a very simple dude, but invest in my business because I love it, and then like sport and you know, being outdoors loving. And I looked at that and I'm like, he's he's like, Money's never made me any happier. It's literally just created a bit of a cage around my life. And for me, like I've even got a huge wait list for work. And I could take that and it would make me awesome with the with the money, but then I'd have to sacrifice all the other things that actually matter. And I I just think about it a lot, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, but there's so much information and there's so much data out there that when we get towards the end of our life, or even for young people who unfortunately you know, we could probably even say your brother, like we don't know when it's gone. No, and we're not gonna sit there and talk about how much money we made or how many hours we worked in the office. It's like the four beers you share with a mate camping in Geroin or whatever it may be. I I went there recently, so but but you these these stories and these experiences, and I I I guess I get conflicted because when I'm in Brisbane, I do sacrifice a lot of that because I'm like, Oh, I've got to work harder. And that that for me, I guess, is it pulls me away and I feel fucking horrible until the point where I'm like, mate, you you haven't been doing the things you want to do. You're getting caught up in this smoke and mirrors bullshit that doesn't actually matter to you.

Beau Robinson: 35:58

Yeah. And I'm probably the same as you where I've done leadership coaching, you know, I've worked with some of Australia's largest agricultural companies, right? And you when you're doing the one-to-one coaching, you get like vulnerability. You're like, this person is nowhere near as happy or as confident as they should be. Like, why? What you know, what are you looking for? Do you even know what success or happiness looks like? I think a lot of people are driven by insecurity and external validation, that's actually their driver. Again, based on my observations and experience, and you know, done plenty of the coaching that you like, you do get the insights, and people, you know, people ask me, well, why are you so happy and confident? I'm not trying to impress anyone. Like, I don't give a fuck what you think. And I don't need much. Because again, you know, again, making this money and and this lifestyle, is it genuinely bringing you happiness or is it to show that you are perceived to be successful? Now, again, what is your definition of successful? That's objective, but I'm not worried about what anyone else's definition of successful is. But I want to make this quite clear. Like, I am happy. I think you know, it might be another video, like I talk about my life has been amazing and is amazing, but shit, it's not perfect.

Lachlan Stuart: 37:19

Yeah, I've got plenty going on. Yeah, that was an awesome. Can you expand on that? Like that video was Unreal where the chick messaged you. I think it was a chick or someone messaged you and said, Man, your life looks amazing. Because you're always trap like travel, you love what you do, right? You're traveling and things are going on, but then there's like another video where you're out in the bush at this beautiful farm. I don't know who's I think it was a actually I watched too much of your stuff, but you're at a uh what's it a baby shower?

Beau Robinson: 37:47

A baby shower.

Lachlan Stuart: 37:48

Your dad's like, Bo, men don't go to baby showers. You're like, I think they do. It was your dad, old boy's named Larry. Is it yeah? I think they do in this day of time and age.

Beau Robinson: 37:58

Yeah, 39 sing-year-old single male going a baby shower. It's like, oh well, like they go to those. I was like, they do in this day and age, Larry. What? I've never been one, I'm not surprised by that. Yeah, uh, but again, I suppose that's where society's at.

Lachlan Stuart: 38:17

And yeah, it was actually a good day. Yeah, they always I got my first baby shower, which is actually my baby shower, which dad's like, uh, our bloke's going. I was like, Yeah, I think it's like a thing, and then I'm going, I'm like, cool, just have some beers and whatnot. But yeah, going back to your life looks perfect, as as people say, Yeah, so you you love your life, but it's not fucking perfect.

Beau Robinson: 38:43

Nah, yeah, I I do, right? Like, I'm so grateful for you know everything that I've been through in life, the good and the bad. You know, even with my brother passing, I choose to look at that as a positive. And and mine's a little bit different, right? Like, I I've lived in five countries. I've you know played for my country, I've won a super rugby title. So I I know uh there will be some going, oh well, you know, if I had that life too, mine would be amazing. But even now, like you know, it's the simple things in life that I feel as though my life is amazing right now. It's far from perfect. I've got plenty of shit going on. Probably outside of myself, if that makes sense. Yep. Because I work pretty hard on myself and and a lot of people, again, you know, why I so happy and and you know confident again, I I'm not driven by uh other people and their perspectives and opinions, 'cause the people that I whose va opinions I value, like you know, hopefully think highly of me 'cause I they talk to me and they want to catch up with me. And then we enjoy catching up. So Yeah, i as I said, I've got plenty going on and Uh you know, it's probably a beer and a wine thing more so than that and podcast with some of the stages, but oh god, how much money have I spent on bloody lawyers, I'll put it that way.

Lachlan Stuart: 40:09

Yeah, yeah. Well even it sort of drove you to a point, we don't need to go into the we'll save that for beers and wines, but 2023 was a big year for you, like tough, tough year for you. And you know, I know you put a video up on Friday about that young fella who took his life, which is as you said, it's becoming way too common. It's it's so fucking sad. And you were then talking about a time in your life where you were going through a heap of shit, and you and this is this is it was great for me to watch because from the outside looking in, like you're a tough bloke, right? You've achieved the pinnacle in sport, and in a sport which is tough, and then you have the courage to and the know-how, like the I guess the awareness to start saying, Hey, I'm not okay. Like, I need to talk to people in my life and let them know that I'm not okay. Like, what was that process like for you?

Beau Robinson: 41:01

Again, pretty simple, right? I try to simplify that to like 2023. I was you know, I was working with some of Australia's largest companies and doing pretty well, too. Don't get me wrong. Making good money, but I wasn't happy, yeah. Like I love the training, like love leadership coaching, love going and facilitating stuff, love it. But when I wrote my book back in 2018-2019, as I was writing that, I realised, you know, I was talking about my journey to go and dubbo, and so I did horse riding up in the Northern Territory, and then I quickly gave away the horse riding to get into team sports, and I never got into individual sports because I loved team sports, and so working as a consultant doing leadership coaching, I was working by myself and I'm like, I'm a team person, like I I I need to go and find a business, I need to be surrounded by people. Um, as I said, like I and money was an issue, it was you know unbelievable. Anyway, I won't talk about that, but yeah, like it was good, but I wasn't, I just hated being in the office by myself. So I was like, I've got to go, and I was going through a divorce, I was you know, trying to get court orders to have more certainty with seeing my children, and then there's the financial situation in terms of going through that bloody legal cost going through the roof. Um, I had a house, so I know one house, then I had a house that I built next to it that couldn't sell for 11 months. And that was when the interest rates were going up. You know, then I I'd moved out of the house, I was paying rent at another place, and then I was paying the full mortgage on the other place with no income coming in on that one, right between the lines there. It was wild. And I was like, far out, you know, there's so much going on personally and professionally. And so uh you know, I said to my mum, I said, mate, like I am struggling. I said, I need you to keep an eye on me because I think I think you see a lot of the videos, my professor Scott Galloway, like you know, talks about like you know, men get so lonely when they get out of because you don't have your kids, you're working by yourself, you don't have a girlfriend or a partner, and most of your mates, like you don't want to take them away from their quality time with their family. Yeah, right. So like you don't almost want to feel like a burden. No, no, and interestingly enough, I don't know, like the studies show that women are actually better at connecting when they're going through that than men, sort of thing. So you you find yourself quite isolated, and you know, I used to go over to their place regularly on a Sunday night just so I could feel as though I was in a family environment, you know, to have dinner. Told mum I was struggling, told dad I was struggling, and poor bastard. Uh uh not that I knew much to get out of him. I think at that stage I might have been off the drink. I was very mindful of how much I drank, right? Very conscious of that. And went and saw two cosolers. One was in Brizzy via Zoom, who was a high performance, you know, had any experience with national teams and and winning. And I was like, you know, have I lost my mentality and mindset around high performance? And then the other one was actually my former uh boarding master at my boarding school who'd went and studied psychology after that, who I probably didn't see eye to eye with when I was at school to be honest. But well, I wasn't exactly a role model boarding student. No, I can't.

Lachlan Stuart: 44:28

Could have seen you would have been a little bit of fucking trouble.

Beau Robinson: 44:31

Yeah, the principal knew my name and and saw him, and that was probably because he had more of a context around you know m my personal and family situation sort of thing. So I didn't, you know, we didn't see our eye, but I totally respected him and really appreciated the fact that you know his role was to instill boundaries and my role was to push them and but and get along with him really well, like you know, we'll catch up with him occasionally for a beer now. Awesome, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really, really good man. And you know, both of them were just like, You you're doing all the work, like you you and you know this is a point-in-time thing, you've already identified that. So the Brizzy psychologist only saw it twice. He said that from me first thing, he's like, I don't even know if you need a second one, to be honest. He goes, You know that you're doing everything, and you know at this point in time and there's things that are out of your control. He said, But you want to check in? I said, Yep, we'll check in in a month's time then. And we had the second one, he's like, you know, again, this stuff's out of your control, and you know that you're doing everything. And the other one was the same, too.

Lachlan Stuart: 45:39

Yeah, right. But it's good that you were able to do that. I think that's such a for me. I would find it not so much now, but even maybe to my mum and dad, like to tell them if I'm struggling, because uh there's this idea in my head that I especially working in the space, I feel like there's almost like where you you do help other people, you feel like you have to have it together, but I know that's not the case. I'm always battling stuff, you've just shared your battling stuff, and that's life. But to be able to, I've definitely got people where I can say, Hey, fucking not in the best frame of mind, and I see a psych every month literally just for a check-in. I always when it comes to that appointment, I'm like, fuck, do I need to go here? And then I always walk away going, Oh, that was that was worthwhile. Yep. But for for people out there, like, if you don't feel like you can confide in someone or can do that, like that's that to me is like a limitation that I would go, okay. Well, what would it look like for you to have those relationships? Because men are lonely, like the stats are showing three and four men don't have a close mate. Like, that's insane. Yeah, we're yeah, it's fucking mind-blowing. Jeez, and so and it's and it's not so much like the loneliness comes from the fact that we can be around people, but we still don't feel valued, seen, and heard. And there's two ways of looking at that, why I think the first one is that we're always wearing a mask in situations because of the comparison and the fear of judgment that we're not allowing people to see who we are. So it's like, well, how will anyone ever make you feel valued, seen, and heard if you're not allowing them to? So that's inner work. The second thing is that we're just not around the right people, we don't have the tools. Like as you said a moment ago, women are incredible communicators, and there's a lot to be learned from them. Most men aren't like I don't know whether you've ever experienced it or spoken to a bloke, as I just don't know how to say what I feel or what I'm trying to say. And therefore that that shuts down, and that's why men either get they snap, they get angry, or they just shut down. Yep. And I've been that bloke as well. I used to every second word was a swear word because I didn't know the rest of the sentence. And I was like, that'll that'll read between the lines. Yeah, yeah. Then I started realizing, oh, well, you can actually, you know, for me, writing your thoughts slowed down. If I couldn't write a sentence about things, then I'm like, okay, well, that's the issue. I just don't understand it. And it's hard for people to then know who I am or what I'm experiencing if I don't know it for myself. And that was a a big thing. So I think for individuals there, it's like identify those limitations, and that's where the work that you're doing, the work that I'm doing, whether it's with personally or professionally, is so important because we can just help highlight those blind spots, right?

Beau Robinson: 48:14

Yeah, here's one for you, all right? Because often, uh especially working in families and whatnot, okay. Oh, they're emotionless. Okay, here's a question for you Are they emotionless or expressionless?

unknown: 48:29

Right?

Lachlan Stuart: 48:30

I've never heard that in my life, right?

Beau Robinson: 48:32

What they're feeling, because they're very likely to be feeling stuff, right? Yeah. If they're not, they're you know, some real struggles, but they don't feel as though they can express that or put that in words, as you said.

Lachlan Stuart: 48:45

Dude, you've just nailed that, emotionless or expressionless.

Beau Robinson: 48:48

Yeah, and then I think this is with every person, right? That they but this is how I want to communicate. Yep, that's great, but it's not about you, other people communicate differently. So how you want to is not necessarily how other people want to back. And if you realise that, the quicker you realise that it'll be a game changer. Because often in the breakdowns, it's miscommunic a misunderstanding through miscommunication, right? So let's say, for example, you know, women you're saying like they're good communicators, yep, but they're also wanting generally their husbands or their partners to communicate how they think people should be communicating, right? Correct. And it's understanding that's not how they do communicate. Then ideally you get people both have a self-awareness around how they prefer to communicate, how others communicate. But the majority of people are far off that. But that's why I love you know getting in doing the disc profiling as a big eye opener or you know, facilitating that, like how do people want to be communicated too? And everyone's then got to adjust.

Lachlan Stuart: 49:56

Do you would you say communication's one of the most important skills to develop probably the most? Yeah, I I agree. I think it's always like how you use your voice, how you Actually maybe listening. Okay, so listening would actually I'm just butchering that. I was gonna say is literally listening could almost be a form of communication though, because it's it's like f for for you you listen really well, right? And I talk over the top of you all the time. No, but like you the way that you conduct yourself and the vulnerab like the little sprinkles of vulnerability then make me feel comfortable around you to know that you're listening and then I can speak more. Whereas there's some people who might be listening to a degree, but they still have the quick judgment afterwards with the the next words that they choose.

Beau Robinson: 50:54

Do you think that happens? Because that then that so you've got to listen, right? You can be an effective listener, and like again, your definition of communication, just just clarify those listen at home, just because you talk a lot doesn't mean you're a good communicator. Right. Let's get that right. But uh in order to be able to communicate, you first need to listen and take in what the other person is saying. Correct. Okay. And you can be more effective with less words. Yeah. So I think from and I see it in the I there'll be two people arguing. I was like, Do you understand that you're arguing about two different things?

Lachlan Stuart: 51:35

Yeah.

Beau Robinson: 51:37

Like you're actually arguing or they're actually arguing, but they're actually on the same page. I'm like, j just just stop just to clarify, you're saying this, have I heard that correctly? Yes. And you're saying this, yes. The reason that you haven't worked that out, it's the same thing, is because you're not listening. So the quicker someone shoots back with a response, the the less time they've given to think. So when people actually, you know, if they shoot back straight away, they've not listened, or they're not trying to listen to understand, and then you become an effective communicator by asking further questions. Because I did a session on Tuesday about collaborative communication, right? And it was I was like, right, give me one of the biggest issues that we've got in this company, right, business. And this is the issue. It is very, very rarely that the first thing is said is the actual issue. So you've got to break that down. Why is that the issue? Then why is that the issue? Then why is that the issue? You come full circle around, and then it'd be like, huh, okay. Well, and it took a couple of hours, right? Would we agree that this is something that ticks everyone's needs in terms of what they're needing as a team, and we could move forward on this or at least trial it. Yes. But if you say, you know, what's the issue, and we could even think of an example, I you know, no, that's not going to work. Why? And very rarely will be the first response.

Lachlan Stuart: 53:06

That's interesting. I think yeah. People just lead with what they feel comfortable saying, and then you have to dig a little bit deeper to get to the core issue.

Beau Robinson: 53:17

Yeah, they they don't even necessarily know themselves. Right? They think that's the issue.

Lachlan Stuart: 53:24

Could do something else. Do you feel people could do that themselves if they were to say, for example, write it down on paper and then ask them like why is that the issue, or do you feel it's better facilitated generally?

Beau Robinson: 53:36

Or most definitely better facilitated because you're not coming in with preconceived you know, relationships and ideas. Yep. Writing it up, and I did it, right? It was writing it up on the wall, right? And this is again some of the teaching I've yeah, been exposed to. When you put it up on the wall, right, it takes it away from being back and forth. So everyone's looking at the wall, and when we've got this approach that we're all trying to work out the same common goal, and I love that. Yeah, it's not the back and forth, right? I fucking love that. Yeah, so that you know, when you see and cross the table, it's bang bang, then it's like a tennis match back and forth, but that's not the goal. It's gotta work out what the you know. I see this in my personal relationships too, right? But if people don't want to they're not open to Yeah, the problem's not always the problem, as I said. What they say is not the problem. I can think of a really good example, but I won't probably share it on this one. Yep. Yeah.

unknown: 54:39

Fuck.

Lachlan Stuart: 54:40

I love it. Well mate, I reckon next year we're gonna do a couple. I think I what I would love to ask the audience if there's things that you'd love to dive into more, because I think you're a brilliant thinker and you I don't know about that. No, well I I think that w you've been through a lot and you have a lot of you work with a lot of people, so you've got great insights and perspectives. You're brilliant at simplifying complex things. And I I for me I love listening to you talk because then I'm taking all these notes of things that I've not really understood well, and now I'm like, oh, that was well said, very simple for me to understand, and now very it feels a lot more manageable for me to execute in my own life, and I love that, and I think most people do as well. But I think questions or topics that Bo and I could chat about next year, even if we did one or two more next year, and we got some questions from people, or obviously we'll you and I will be going through life as well, so there'll be things on our mind. Where can people find you and follow you? So if people want to do some work with you, or just even watch your your Friday yarns, where do people head to? At the airport.

Beau Robinson: 55:54

I walk bump into so many people at the airport. No, I'm um pretty yeah, do some stuff on LinkedIn and then Instagram, you know, just hearing my thoughts or expressing my thoughts, and I think that you know that's it's amazing. The same as you, I think you put up posts there earlier today, like just how much even people that aren't necessarily your clients take away from it because you're expressing what a lot of people are thinking, right? Like they're feeling they're like, oh, and again, you you simplify that's one of the you know, people say to me, Oh, you dumb it down. No, I simplify it because the brain wants that in for everyone, it wants to be simplified so it can understand. I think even with people's problems, they're like, Oh, this is a problem. I go, okay, it sounds like the size of a beach ball. What exactly is the problem? Be as specific as you can with me, or everyone. Who what do you mean everyone? Everyone. It's not everyone. Who? Who is you know, whatever causing you. Oh, right, so that's the relationship we've got to work on. Yep. Right? And it's net it's it and it's dangerous, right? Because I journal every night. Yep. Or but every night, you know, and it's getting clear on what is the actual issue. Don't make it out to be bigger than Ben Ho. Because honestly, you just go around your head, and if you're not clear on what the issue is, you're not going to be able to work out a solution or steps to address it.

Lachlan Stuart: 57:12

Yep. Very my opinion. I agree. I agree with your opinion. Mate, thank you so much for coming on. It's been a been a pleasure. I'm glad we finally got to make this happen. Yeah, apologies. No, no, no. It's it's been me. And uh next time I won't be in this office next year, thank goodness. It's been a been a good little roadshow, but you're talking about doing it at different settings.

Beau Robinson: 57:34

Was Felons an option?

Lachlan Stuart: 57:35

Yeah.

Beau Robinson: 57:36

Brecky Creek?

Lachlan Stuart: 57:36

May Brecky Creek could be an option. Mate Felons, we found this beautiful spot like just behind Mr. Percival's. Amazing backdrop. Like, have a couple of people walking past as well. So like I feel like that's going to be what I'm thinking next year for the pod. Not that I've got any dates to go on, but is that one that should be taking someone?

unknown: 57:56

Yes.

Lachlan Stuart: 57:57

But we're thinking way way too far ahead, mate. You've got this big goal again, right? Let's just bring it down to the next master. Let's get a match. You're a weapon, mate. It's been a pleasure for everyone following along. Check the show notes. You can find all the links for Bo. Mate, Unreal as always. We'll see you soon. Look forward to it.