Why Nothing You Achieve Ever Feels Like Enough #704

11 people showed up to the final screening of my documentary in Perth.

I walked to the front of the room, looked out at a lot of empty seats, and instantly felt like a failure.

I was embarrassed. I thought, how could only 11 people show up?

Then I caught myself. Because a year ago, I would have dreamed of flying across the country to have 11 people pay to watch my film.

Same number. Completely different feeling. That's when I realised what was actually happening, and what to do about it.

In this episode I share the exact 3-step shift I made in real time that turned one of the most embarrassing moments of the tour into one of the best nights.

You'll learn:
- Why your wins stop feeling like wins the more successful you get
- How to reframe a failure in real time without lying to yourself about it
- Why your response to a setback is always a choice, and how to make the right one
- What I did that night that the other 4 cities never got to experience
- How to review what went wrong honestly without letting it destroy your confidence
- Why you can be grateful for what happened AND take responsibility for what didn't work
- "Don't let the highs make you think you're better than you are. Don't let the lows make you think you're worse."

This one's for anyone who's had something go sideways and felt the gap between where they are and where they think they should be.

Ready to stop letting setbacks define you and lock in the life you want? Apply to join 1 on 1 coaching with Lachlan Stuart - https://www.lachlanstuart.com.au/coaching

Transcript

Lachlan Stuart 0:00

11 people showed up on Monday night, walking into the final screening of my documentary in Perth. I walked

Eleven People And Instant Shame

Lachlan Stuart 0:08

to the front of the room and I looked out at a lot of empty seats. And instantly I felt like a fucking failure. I was embarrassed. I thought to myself, how could only 11 people show up? And then I realized something. A year ago, I would have dreamed of being able to fly halfway, or actually right across the country, to have 11 people paying to watch my documentary to learn more about my story with the 58 marathons. So why did 11 people feel like a failure? In this video, I'm going to run you through more of that story, but a framework that helped me shift it in real time to be so grateful and make it one of the best nights of this tour. If you're new to the page, make sure you click follow so you can hear more awesome stories like this.

Why The Baseline Keeps Rising

Lachlan Stuart 0:56

But we all have those moments in life where we feel like a failure. And if you reflect on it, it might have been something that previously you would have always been striving to do. And now the baseline has risen and it's just never good enough. And this reminded me in that moment as I'm sitting at the front of the stage about to introduce the documentary and looking at these 11 people. I'm thinking to myself, man, I'm a failure. But I reminded myself that that was the goal.

Step One Reframe The Number

Lachlan Stuart 1:21

And so what happened in that moment was I did a reframe. And this is the first step of this framework. It's a three-step framework that you can use, but we want to reframe what perspective am I choosing? And this happened in the marathons, but I'll save that story for a different time. But 11 people initially meant failure. But 12 months ago in it, 11 people would have been success. So same number, different perspective. And that's ultimately what a reframe is. So in your life, I invite you to ask yourself, where are you feeling like a failure? And is that benchmark or that standard that you're holding yourself to, at what point was that once a success? It's an interesting thing to think about, and it's something that you can change instantly. And that's what I did up there. I was like 11 people have invested their own time and money and effort and energy to be in these seats tonight. This is success, Lockie. This is going, I'm going to make this one of the best nights of their life. And so as I was introducing the cinema, and after I'd reframed that to be like, this is going to be the best night of their life, I moved on to a second thing that I just did in the moment, but I'm breaking this down for you now is I wanted to choose how I wanted to respond.

Step Two Choose Your Response

Lachlan Stuart 2:32

And I had to ask myself, what can I control right now? I knew that I couldn't magically just fill the cinema, fill the other 58 seats like that. I wish I could, but I couldn't. So that's when I decided, right, these people have given me their time and money. I'm going to make this the best possible night for them. So what we did, we had some giveaways. I had some hats, I had some socks, I had some copies of my book. And I also knew that my wife was in the crowd, and it was the first time she'd been at this screening. So I decided that we were going to get her to come up for a QA in a way that no other state was able to see. So this was exclusive to Perth and the 11 people only. I found out that it was one person in the crowd's birthday the next day. So I asked my wife, who's a world-renowned singer, hey, can can we sing happy birthday to this gentleman at the end? And also because the number was smaller, I was able to go around and shake the hands of everyone and find out how they found out about it, the impact that the movie and just even following the 58 had had. So people didn't really get those experiences in other places. And that was one of the benefits of firstly reframing, but secondly, choosing how I wanted to respond. And our response is a choice. I could have easily not reframed it and been really sad and upset and disappointed and allowed that to be how I responded or reacted. I could have been very low on energy. I could have been disappointed and I could have just gone, let's get through this as quickly as possible and get out of here. And don't get me wrong, I've done that in the past. So I want you to ask yourself, firstly, the times that you feel embarrassed or feel like a failure, what's your opportunity to reframe? That then gives you an opportunity to respond differently. How would you respond if it were a full cinema? That is exactly how you should respond when it's empty, because these are all parts of the journey. And it's something that I'm proud to talk about because I was almost getting into a bit of momentum and I was allowing that success to raise the standard of what I expected of myself. And there are sometimes there are things that are out of your control. Like what happened the other night. We sold many more tickets and actually rocked up, but it was the poor weather, it was raining, it was a Monday night, and various other things I can lean on and use as feedback. And this brings me to point number three, which is review.

Step Three Review And Own It

Lachlan Stuart 4:47

What can the result teach me? Okay, so afterwards, you don't hide behind the reframe and just go, well, only 11 showed up, oh, amazing 11 showed up. If you're someone like me who is super ambitious and you're wanting to grow things and get better, the reframe can help you in the moment to be to respond as best as you can so you continue raising your standard and give people the best possible experience of you. But you do want to take something away from it and be able to reframe to go, okay, well, what can I learn from this? I don't want to hide behind that reframe. So I had to ask myself, what did I do poorly and what can I improve on? For me, you know, I hadn't promoted Perth properly. It was a last-minute edition because I was flying over here for a workshop and I thought, let's definitely do that because I'd love to. But I didn't actively promote it as well as I did some other place. There was no paid marketing, and I hadn't followed the same system that I'd used everywhere else. So when people bought tickets, there wasn't really a thank you so much for coming. If you have any other friends, colleagues, or family members that you feel would get interested, jump in and grab a ticket for them as well. So I hadn't done a lot of those things. So I can sit here now, one being super grateful for the 11, but also at the same time be a little bit disappointed in myself that I hadn't held the standard to Perth that I had everywhere else. And that's on me. And but I can live with that, right? Because I know where it fell short. And this is it. You own it, you learn, you improve. So the three steps is reframe, respond, review. If you want your life to get better, right, changing your perspective doesn't mean bullshitting yourself into believing that things went perfectly when they definitely didn't. I could be grateful for the 11 people who came out and still take responsibility for why more people didn't. Where in your own life is that happening? Where in your own life are you not taking responsibility? And finally, I want to leave you with

Highs Lows And The Closing Challenge

Lachlan Stuart 6:45

this. Don't let the highs make you think you're better than you are. Definitely don't do that. And don't let the lows make you think you're worse than you are. Reframe what happened, control how you respond, and review what it can teach you. That is why there is so much power and benefit in the failures. If you've enjoyed this episode, short and punchy, make sure you click subscribe and you can or click around somewhere here and you can watch one of my next videos. Thank you for being here. See you in the next video.