Ep. 298: Don't believe everything you think from dating coach Mark Sing

Mark Sing is a NLP Dating coach for men who specialise in  working with entrepreneurs, go getters and growth orientated men meet and date more women.

He is a podcast Host: The Unapologetic Man

We discuss:

• Reprogramming your brain
• Our Belief systems being an illusion 
• Why most people don't challenge their beliefs

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Transcript

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Today's guest is Mark Sing who is joining us from Colorado. He is an NLP dating coach for men and he specialises in working with entrepreneurs go getters and growth oriented men, and he helps him meet and date more women. So it's an interesting conversation we have we want to talk about how at 28 he found NLP and it saved him from anxiety, panic attacks and suicidal tendencies. So remember that we'll be talking about suicide in this episode. So if you do need support, please reach out to why fine on 13 1114 and seek the appropriate help. So we also discussed how we can reprogram our brains, right it is possible, some common challenges with men and dating, right. Also other things around why people and why men don't challenge their beliefs and how our belief systems are an illusion. So it's an incredible episode, get your pen and paper out. And remember, all the links are in the show notes to reach out to mark or shoot myself some emails. Now. If you haven't looked into the inner circle programme, take some time now if you're on your phone, open up your web browser, drop in www.themanthatcanproject.com/innercircle and check it out. It is our global community for men online right we help men create momentum in all the eight areas of their life is incredible support group, plenty of modules to work through on our online community plus we just made every week online and make sure you're in check with your goals and discuss our topic of the week it is phenomenal Ruby, a part of the men that are you know honestly creating huge momentum and seeing the changes that they're making. And just the the made shift that goes on is really something that I'm proud of and something that I'm very, very grateful to be a part of. I wish I had this earlier in my life so make sure you definitely jump in check that out now. The inner circle member to subscribe to be updated for future episodes and share on your social media as I'm still giving away. One free one on one coaching session with me it doesn't matter where in the world you are, but we will help you create more certainty clarity and give you some structure moving forward to become the man that you want to do. So in order to do that, all you need to do is share on Instagram or Facebook and tag myself at Lachlan Stuart and at the men that can project so share your favourite episode and what you're loving about it that will be drawn at the end of the month. Every share counts as a vote. Let's dive into the episode. You're listening to the man that can project with a Lachie Stuart, a global movement created to empower men and open up what's really going through their minds by having real and grower conversations about life's unique challenges, and our individual ways of processing and all. Welcome to the man who can project Welcome back to another episode of the magnet camp project podcast. I'm your host and founder of the magnet camp project. And today we've got an exciting guest joining us from Colorado marketing. Now mark is an NLP diet dating coach for men who specialises in working with entrepreneurs, go getters and growth orientated men, and helps them meet and date more women. And, Mark when I first got introduced to you, it's literally finally the last couple of guests that I've had have just been really wanting topics which you know, no, we'll discuss to come on the podcast because there's so many men asking me questions in which you know, I have an idea, but it's not my niche, so to speak. So when we got linked up, I was like, This is gonna be fantastic. And I've listened to your podcast. So you're also a podcast host of the unapologetic man podcast. So guys, go check that out. I'll link that in the show notes. I've listened to three episodes in the last 24 hours. And there's a whole heap of gems there. And just the way fired across really resonates with me. So I know our audience man it can project audience will definitely resonate with it as well. But Mark, thank you so much for your time, man. I am very, very excited to have you on. So how are things over in Colorado at the moment? They're good brother. Hey, listen, I appreciate you having me on. I too have listened to your podcast. I was listening to a bunch of them over the last few days. And I love what you say. So you know kindred spirits always attract each other as we have here. So I appreciate you having me on. As for Colorado, things are great, man. You know, we're getting the vaccine over here in the states and things are mellowing out a little bit. So yeah, man, things are good. And the party is about to start once that COVID is solved, the girls are going to come out of their basements like like pale trolls and like I just want to meet a guy so it's a really exciting time. Definitely. Definitely, definitely. So take us obviously through you know, in the lead up, take us back to I guess pointing your last major into the manual today and that really sort of founded that unapologetically, man and got you into the coaching space. Yeah. So you know, when I was 25, I moved to Japan and in Japan, I was an English teacher, I was part of this thing called the JET Programme, Japanese exchange teaching programme. And I was a language teacher. So I did that for a couple years. And I really got into Japanese and I got into studying it, and eventually I became a translator. Well, one day, I got a translation job in Osaka, and I was on stage. And the lady was talking and I was translating for an American audience. And she said a word that I didn't understand. And the word was men eqi, which means immunity. And I was like, what the men eggy. I don't know what that is. And mind you, I've been studying like 16 hours a day for the past four years, just absolutely. completely committed to learning Japanese. And I got a little nervous. So I asked her again, what was that? And she said it again. And it didn't clear anything up for me. So at that moment, I had a panic attack. And I've always had anxiety throughout my whole life. I feel like when it comes to anxiety, a lot of us are kind of born that way. We're just prone to it. And usually it is genetic, by the way. So I had a panic attack. And it was like all the walls started closing in. And everything inside of me just told me to run run, and I must have looked completely pale. I don't have the video of myself on stage, but it must have been a disaster. So I told her, do you have anybody else who can step on and take my place to translate? And she said, Yeah, we do. So they brought somebody on and I went into the back and I was throwing up and shaking and convulsing. And that led into a several year bout with the most extreme anxiety I think anybody could ever deal with I mean, I almost lost my mind, I almost committed suicide because of it. I became agoraphobic, which means I couldn't go out of my house. And it was really really debilitating. I lost so much weight, I look like a skeleton I'm skinny as it is. But at that time, it was really horrible and you know, exploring options, which people obviously do when they suffer from an ailment like that, I came across this thing called NLP. Now NLP means neuro linguistic programming. And it's based on the premise that we have programmes running inside of our heads that were given to us in the first seven years of life. Because in the first seven years of life, your mind is naturally in a state of hypnosis. So your dad's belief systems, your mom's belief systems, friends, even babysitters get installed inside of you. And what I always say is we get these programmes before we can defend ourselves from them. So obviously, you know, mine came from my mom, because my mom is an extremely anxious person. So his belief systems and programming and that's what caused this massive anxiety. So I hired an NLP coach, I found one and we worked on the phone together and through these things called processes, which are basically visualisations he was able to reprogram my brain as it were, so that not only did I completely erase the anxiety, I'm talking completely. I mean, right now, I'm on the man that can podcast I mean, come on, that's a scary thing. But here I am completely confident, no big deal. And then from there, you know, I became an NLP coach. Because I saw the efficacy of it. I reprogrammed not only my bouts with anxiety, which we'll talk about more, but also, you know, my belief systems about women, do I feel like I'm enough? Do I feel like it's okay to approach a girl? Do I feel like hot girls are too good for me? Do I feel that I shouldn't approach her because you shouldn't inconvenience strangers. And it's just all just belief systems. And what's a belief system? It's an illusion, it's given to you by somebody before you can defend yourself and you just buy into it. And all you guys listening probably have programming that was given to you, before you can defend yourself and you've just bought into it. This is the way it is. This is the way I'm set. But is it? And what NLP shows us is no it's not. It's not a belief system is just an illusion. And the illusion is either a good illusion or a bad illusion. The truth is the result that it produces. So a lot of guys feel like they have one foot on the gas, one foot on the brake, I want to talk to girls, I want to be more confident I want to be the man that can, but I'm too scared. I don't want to do it. And that's usually because of the programming. So that was a quick sum up of how I launched into NLP, how it literally saved my life and how now, I'm a dating coach who uses NLP to reprogram the brain, brains of my clients. That's incredible. And you touched on some things, obviously, from being under seven and a lot of us probably can't even think back to what was really going on. Or if you might, I'm 30 now and it feels like a lifetime ago, I was seven. But, you know, we can't really remember a lot of those things. So probably as you mentioned, you do visualisation to help reprogram In the mind, and I would imagine you would take people back maybe to that age and get them to start really reflecting on experiences in that time because a lot of us don't ever take that time. So, for yourself, obviously, you mentioned and I know you grew up with anxiety, the insecurity and all that sort of stuff, what was like, how do you feel you sort of carried that with you for you know, up until sort of 28 when he's really dived into the NLP? Because I know there's a lot of people now who some people may have never heard of NLP. I'd never heard of it until maybe four years ago. Some people know and maybe he don't understand it. But what for you made you take the leap into it when there's you know, so many other things out there? Yeah, because I tried those other things. You know, I got on Xanax. I went to therapists, I did therapist over the phone into the United States. Nothing seemed to help. So I was in the old like, I will try anything, I will do whatever it takes. And I was just researching and I was like, no, what the hell is this? Sounds like BS. Honestly, it does, like this guy's gonna reprogram my brain. Yeah. Right. And I was like, You know what, though? I mean, I'm hardly surviving here. I can hardly go outside. So Screw it. I'm just going to try it. And so I got on the phone with them. Literally, after one session we did on the first session, what's called timeline therapy. And just like you said, Yeah, you go back. But the cool thing is, is that you don't even have to remember what the situation was. That gave you this belief system. So with a lot of my clients who hire me, they have a belief system, I'm not enough. And so we go back to remove that belief system through visualisation, it's like a guided meditation. And literally after we remove it, they can't feel what they felt before the session. So in our first session, he removed a belief system about anxiety and And literally, it took off such a huge part of my anxiety, I was like, okay, sign me up. I'm doing you know, 20 sessions with you, I don't I don't care what it cost let's just do it. And you know, I had really good results with it. So I do have a degree in psychology too. And I considered becoming a psychologist but the way my life took me it just it just went into NLP. And what I want to encourage your clients and listeners to realise is that you know, the way you are now is not the way you have to be the way things are being produced in your life is not the way it has to be you can change it you literally can get control and the cool thing about attracting women is women's attraction for you isn't based on your looks not based on your six pack. It's not based on your money. It's based on how you carry yourself and how you carry yourself is based on your programming what you believe how you think. So even guys, who are you know, I just had a over 40 year old virgin hire me. And and I told them, I was like, Listen, brother, when you start reprogramming that stuff, your belief systems knowledge about yourself, but about women, you're gonna lose the big V, like, we're gonna have you jump the canyon pretty quick. Because I just talking to him, I was like, Okay, well, this is exactly why because he's just hitting print on belief systems that give him the same results. And women are quite literally designed to see that in guys. How they believe about themselves. And their attraction for you, is based on how you believe about yourself. Are you confident? Are you decisive? Do you control the frame? Do you lead her to where she wants to be led to? And that all comes from your own thought systems? That's it doesn't matter how good you look. And you know, a lot of guys are hung up on that I need money I need good luck. No, you need confidence. And it's cool, because you can just get it, you can reprogram it, it does take some work. It's not just a one night thing, but you can get that by changing your belief. So to me, NLP meshes perfectly into being what I call an unapologetic man. A silverback is what I always say, which is what you do, too, and your podcast, being the man that can write the man who believes in himself who can make the best hand possible with the cards he's dealt, and get the damn foot off the brake and put both feet on the gas. That's what my podcast is all about. And that's what the coaching is all about. It's such a powerful thing. And you highlighted that there. And I'm sure there's a lot of blokes listening, who were probably, you know, as you were saying that I was just thinking, you know, when people walk into a room or walk into a gym or walk into any space that I may be in, and you can you can tell a lot about people how they conduct themselves, whether they're slouched and looking at the ground, or whether they have confident with their shoulders back and I really, you know, grab your attention and you know, as you're sort of tying that in, with with with ladies like, that's how we need to control ourselves as well. And if we can be certain in ourself and our ability to, as you mentioned, deal with the challenges that you know, come up in front of us and you know, it's more may provide more certainty and security for women when they're looking at men as well, but you're talking about common belief systems and a lot of us was like low self esteem and low self worth. What are some other things or other belief systems that you see men are challenged with? Yeah, so I'm not enough is a gigantic one. attractive women are too good for me. ethnicity is an issue I deal with a lot. For example, I work with a lot of Indian men, Asians, even it's funny because you and I are both like white dudes. And supposedly, you know, we should be happy about that. But even white dudes are like, all my black right? Like, everybody has an issue and you think like, you're the only dude with the issue. But you would be amazed at how many guys just share that same belief syste. Also sex is wrong, which comes from religion. You know, porno raphy issues, porn, porno raphy, addiction is really bad. ut basically, just feeling that ot girls are too good for them. feeling guilty about wanti g to approach and even feeli g guilty about being attra ted to them, which is progr mming, right? Your mom said nce when you were six years old, I hated how telem rketers always call. I hate ow they're always bothe ing us, and you got the progr mming. I shouldn't bother peopl. I shouldn't bother peopl. And it's just some offha ded thing that your mom said, or even a programming that she h d. You shouldn't bother peopl because it came from her grand a who came from her grand a back to like 1650 in Brisb ne when some trade went wrong right? And then like, and then hey get this belief syste. So why the hell are you carry ng your dad's belief syste s? Why the hell are you carry ng your mom's belief syste s drop them, right, my broth r has given me so many shitt belief systems I can't even xplain. And I just activ ly worked on him. And now when e talk, I'm like, brah like, I'm not even on that level anymo e, man not not to say I'm above them or anything, but I just on't even relate to what you'r saying. Like money is scarc. It takes stress to make money you shouldn't incon enience people or or get a hotte girl than you because she's gonna leave you bullshit. That' your own Bs, if you want to bu into it fine. I'm gonna chang myself and I did to get to ge the results. And you know, I always try to give pragm tic tactile tips to liste ers rather than just caugh, caught selling myself to them. But what I suggest to your liste ers is awareness alone is curat ve. Which means when you get a are that your belief syste s are not set in stone, who y u are today is not set in stone In fact, you are probably a red ced version of you who you were eant to be unless you've activ ly worked on this stuff. Aware ess alone is curative. When ou have that aha moment, like eally, the least is just bs wi l let me explore them. And then hat do you do you just drop t. Now sometimes it takes more ntrusive and LP type tacti s to drop it. But often imes just awareness that like, Oh, I do think money is hard o get. I do think money equal stress. I do think hot girls are too good for me. I do think I'm less than the other guys t the gym because they have ore muscles than me. Drop it on e you realise that you can just rop it just like you drop a hea y sack of potatoes that you'v been carrying around your whole life? Is there any activ ty or thing or tips or tools that people who are liste ing now could do to start maybe identifying you said obvio sly awareness is an impor ant part to then under tand what those limiting belie s or negative beliefs may be? I there anything that you recom end people do to start ident fying them? Because we've obvio sly, you know, rattled off a few belief systems there befor but so we can really start uncovering what what they are f r us as individuals, is there any tools there? So belief syste s always tied into emoti ns. So emotions are the clear st indicator of what you'r thinking in the present momen. So what I suggest you do is ge very cognizant of how you'r feeling. Don't Don't try to mo itor your thoughts because that' very difficult to do. Most f our thoughts are uncon cious. This but what's real nd what's easy to see is how w're feeling. So if you're feeli g like shit, and there's no re l reason you didn't get crack d in the head with, you know, a rugby ball for you Austr lians out there. By the way, love Australians when I when heard I could be on your podca t. I was like, Oh, yeah. And t en you always say blokes makes me so happy as an American makes me so happy. So so you know, if something didn't cause you t feel crappy, you're just feeli g crappy generally, then start searching. You're searc ing your thoughts. What did I think about in the past few m nutes? Okay. Oh, okay. It's his thought that I'm a piece of junk or, you know, I'm no go d. Or I yelled at myself becau e I made a mistake at work. Okay. Did my dad used to yell t me when I made a mista e? Did my mom require perfe tion? Hmm, isn't that inter sting? I'm basically my mom's voice now. why in the hell am I arrying her around with me in my pocket and letting her yell t me. In my case, it was my gr ndma. Very nice. Negative woman. And when I would make a mistake, I'll be like, Mark, You're such an idiot. I'm like, whoa, wait, is that that's not my voice that's grandma's voice. Why am I buying into that? Am I really an idiot? Is there empirical evidence to prove that I'm an idiot? No, and you question it, you put attention on it. So this statement in NLP awareness alone is curative means that your awareness, your attention by you examining it, is usually enough to cure it or to begin the curation process. And then you get, you know, you can get disassociated what we say, which is, you don't buy into every little emotion you have, when you get angry, you don't just buy into it and say, Well, I'm pissed off, that's the way it is, I got to act pissed off. Now. You're just you're just being puppeted by some puppet master, who's your grandma, or your mom, or somebody else's BSO when you step away, and you become the puppet master? you believe this? And I always say this, Don't believe everything you think. Don't believe everything you think if it creates a bad emotion, drop it, believe those things that create good emotions. Now, you may say, Well, yeah, isn't that lying to myself, brother, whether you believe crappy things about yourself or good things about yourself, both of them are lying to yourself. Like I said, the result is what's real. So create the result you want with the thoughts you want, by believing yourself. And also you were born with perfect self esteem. If you had nothing bad happened to you, from the day you were born to today, you would have fantastic self esteem, be probably one of the happiest dudes ever. But because other people came and messed you up before you could defend yourself. Some of us are miserable as I was. And it's your job to take responsibility for that. Don't blame your Mom, don't blame your dad. They were they were kind of asleep. And you know, don't hate them for what they do. As they say in the Bible, let's say forgive them, but also stop biting into it, question it, examine it, put attention on it. That's the way to dissolve it. What you resist persists. What you look at disappears. Why do you think so many people don't like, as you were saying all of that, um, it sounds so almost too easy. When you think about a Why does so many people get stuck? And I for a long period? There's probably still things in my life where I put my head in the sand. I don't want to look at it. But why do you feel is there's some common things that people just ignore that or don't ask those questions or don't challenge their their belief systems? Yeah, discomfort, discomfort. Because when we've been acting a certain way, for a long time, it's familiar and what what's familiar is comfortable. So it's simply fear of being uncomfortable. And I know, you preach this, I haven't listened to more than three of your episodes. And I didn't hear you say this, but I can almost guarantee that you preach moving into pain willingly moving into discomfort willingly, then in fact, if you try to have an easy life, your life will be hard. When you do the things that are hard, your life will be easy. So, you know, at first, it's uncomfortable, don't get me wrong. When I was doing the NLP with my coach, I was like, oh, there's a crappy feeling inside me. I don't want to do this. But it's those guys who have the courage to move into discomfort that get the good results out the other side. And you know, being negative is very addicting. Feeling superior to other people is very addicting. Being a victim in your own mind is very addicting. Because it gives your ego something to hold on to. So when you have the courage, say Yo, like, this is not working, I'm not getting the results. I'm not making the money I want I'm not getting the girls I want I don't have the happiness I want, then it's your job as a masculine man, to go into that pain willingly, masculinity isn't afraid of a little discomfort. In fact, when you go into that discomfort, ironically, out the other side is more happiness than you would have had if you just dealt with it or accepted it. Very, very good point. When you were saying the comfort is what we know and what we're familiar with is essence small things that we can do on a daily basis to start you know, pushing pushing, I guess what our boundaries are what our threshold with that comfort would be. Is there any for me I love guiding people into sort of fitness fitness for me is a great way to challenge yourself and what you learn now you can put across other areas of your life but for yourself is a ways that you work on helping people get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Yeah, so I have a statement in my coaching which is every day do something that sucks. Now that goes in tandem with every day do something childish do something fun that so while we want to do something that sucks, we don't do you know who David Goggins is, have you heard of love? Nice dog? Yeah, me too. Me too. So like David Goggins, pretty extreme, dude. He's like, I want to be the hardest motherfucker up in this place. You can't You can't bring me down like, Okay, I get it and a part of us to do that. And I know you resonate with that. Obviously you're into lifting weights, I'm looking at your picture right now you're literally ripped. so confident looking, by the way to body language is huge. But you know, everyday do something that sucks that in fact, your happiness is on the other side of discomfort. So, you know, work out, try to better your diet every day I meditate every day I take a cold shower, every day, I try to do something that I don't want to do take out the trash right now it's it's becoming spring here in Colorado, and we're getting all these mice coming into our garage. And Dude, I'm just killing them like I'm like I'm death himself, bro. I'm just sniping left and right with these mousetraps that I've set out. And I don't necessarily like to go get the mice are dead because I also have compassion in my heart. And then I go throw them out in the backyard, which is essentially a forest and then the possums come and eat them. But it's like, when I do it, I say, Listen, this is bettering me as a man, because I'm doing something I really don't want to do. So by putting and reframing the things that suck in your life into the frame of this is improving me. That's how you voluntarily go into pain each day. And then better yourself so that when it comes time to reprogram your brain, when it comes time to challenge those belief systems that aren't even yours, you've been going through pain every day, just like what you said, and you're more able to do it, you've developed that discipline to go into that pain willingly. So that in my opinion, is the most effective way. And you don't have to do it all in one go. This is a marathon, not a sprint, right? You just little baby each day, every day, just try to improve one little thing. And then with time, your life will be completely different as mine is. I mean, Bro, I couldn't even look at a girl, let alone go talk to one to where I went into pain willingly for years, right working on myself. And you know not to toot my own horn. But now it's when I go into the bars and the nightclubs even daygame talking to a girl in the supermarket. It's on day eight. Do you call them birds? Is that what I heard in one of your episodes? Yeah, but yeah, I was like birds. What the hell is he taught? So it took me a second to think about and I was like, Oh, I think that's Australia for woman. So I was like, yeah, that's awesome. So like, bro, I'm sniping birds left and right, because, you know, I've developed that inside myself wasn't an overnight thing. But I'll tell you NLP is definitely, in my opinion, a black hole shortcut to do it as quickly as possible. And just realise that you know that your beliefs are illusions, so choose the best illusion for you. Yeah, one that's going to serve you and give you the outcome that you're looking for. Is it something that you still have to work on, though? Was it? Will you just do it once? And if you're sorted for life? Yeah. So each belief system is a one one time go. So we do one process on one belief system, for example, I'm not enough, it's gone. Like literally my clients cannot feel what they felt before they did the process. Now, there are many belief systems. So you know what I do. And certainly I would never try to close people on my coaching. Over a podcast like this, what I'd love is for them to come listen to my podcast, unapologetic man podcast. But I do have a three month coaching programme to which they get 12 weeks of that NLP where we go after all the different belief systems, traumas, schemas, meta programmes archetypes. So while I might remove the belief system, I'm not enough in one session, there may be other things clinging on to that, which is like, you know, money is scarce, or I don't deserve happiness, something like that. So while again, we can do one one at a time, many times, it does take, you know, multiple NGOs to really clean up the mess. It's like roots in a forest, you you up root one tree, other trees are gonna come with it. But then there's other trees also there that you have to uproot, before the forest is clear. So that's kind of the analogy I use for that spot on. And it's over here in Australia, maybe similar over in the states there. But like for a lot of us men were where we adopt the beliefs that we need to be the protector and provider. And so often, you know, that's at the expense of our relationships and everything that goes with improving that from communication, intentional time, but also our finances and where our money goes and our made chips and all that sort of stuff. So but sort of what I'm picking up is like a lot of that's just obviously a poor belief system around what we believe to be true. So we can actually go in and reframe that so we can feel. Now one of the biggest challenges for myself, Mark was learning to let go of I have to always be working, I have to always be striving and he can, you know, go for a game of golf one afternoon and not feel lazy and certain things around that. So everything you're saying there is were able to reframe it were able to change the illusion to something that's more empowering and fulfilling for us. Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, there has to be balance right? Like I hear you. We've all fallen into the workaholic thing, especially us entrepreneurs. But you really, and I think this is true for you as well. I almost have to make myself relax and go play golf or make myself you know, watch some TV sometimes because I'm such like a go getter I want to just go go go and it really, you know, the hardest project and the hardest war you're ever going to fight is the one between your two ears. And when you get control of that war, which I feel like I have, and I feel like you have to life just becomes so much easier. It's finally working with you rather than against you. And and how do you get control that war? Well, some of the things I said, you know, which is really monitor your emotions, because that's going to clue you into what you're thinking and get intrusive with it, you know, question your thoughts, belief systems and drop them drop them that's that's the first step to getting control of it. And and for me, you know, what I teach about attraction, women's attraction is based on the war inside your ears, she can see it, the women are programmed, just by your little mannerisms, the tone of your voice. Do you supplicate to her? Or are you confident yourself and you speak to her in a certain way, it's all comes from the inner BS. So you know, podcasts like yours podcasts like mine, that the work that we're doing here, in my opinion is absolutely necessary. There's not enough people teaching this and that to Brother is why so many guys go their whole life and end up on their deathbed saying, it just didn't feel like I was who I was supposed to be. It feels like I really settled for a second best. And our job here in these podcasts is to point men to the direction of Brother, you can have anything you want. And I know it sounds too good to be true. I know there's a part inside each of your listeners that's resisting that. But it's true. It's true. This is how millionaires become millionaires. This is how you know anybody who you respect, they're no better than you on a fundamental level, they just took control of the mechanism and decided to become that successful decided to become a girl magnet decided to get the happiness they really want. by approaching their fear head on, there is no way around your fear, you have to face that bastard directly. When you have the courage to do that, that's when life becomes something of a dream. That's what we need to do use fear. There's a saying that use fear as your compass and step into it and as what you were saying at the start. So if we need to get ourselves to a point where we do feel confident and certain in ourselves that we can deal with whatever shows up in front of us, it's not necessarily trying to prepare for everything that could happen, but preparing ourselves to know that we can deal with it. Obviously, specialising with entrepreneurs and go getters and growth orientated. People, there's you know, we're all at different stages, but I you know, so I fit into a few of those I know, some of those people may fall upon my podcast or your podcast when they're at that first stage of wanting to grow. And, you know, I, I let you know, we've all got idols and people that we look up to. And generally they're confident, right, they have confidence to be, you know, creating a business to be chasing goals to be looking at themselves. Why do you feel people who may be successful in one area, for example, running a great business or being a successful entrepreneur, but then they they fall down in the women department? Yeah, belief systems, right? Like a lot. A lot of guys who hire me, are successful. And I do have guys who have yet to be successful as well. But it's just the belief system or our women, which you know, they're not, they're not mutually exclusive, meaning just because you're successful in business, that doesn't mean you're going to believe you're enough for a hot girl. That's a completely different playing field. It's like the difference between rugby and soccer, right? It's a totally different playing field. There's some, there's some things that mix, you know, generally, guys who are successful with women are also good salesmen. They're charismatic, they're good communicators like you are. But it doesn't mean that just because you have money, you're gonna get women because it's a whole different avenue of belief systems. So you can be crushing it in every area of your life. And I'll tell you, a lot of guys do and an oftentimes, the one area they don't crush is the female area, because that is one complex, weird thing. I'll tell you what, I understand female psychology to a deep level, but even I sometimes are like, What in the hell are these women thinking? But once you understand anthropologically why women do the weird things that they do, why they are seemingly so crazy to us. Once you understand the game, you can master the game. And I'll tell you a game like attracting women is just a skill set just like swinging a baseball bat is a skill set. You know just like throwing a boomerang for us. is a skill set. Forgive my forgive my assumption there of your guys's culture by the way, do you throw boomerangs over there? No, I've never I've I used to have on growing up but I never it's like Full, you know, talent, and it's something that I do not have. That's for sure. Okay, gotcha. Well, just to reinforce the assumptions you have about Americans, yes, we all do ride horses. And yes, we all do wear guns on our hips, all of us, we all have guns. So anyway, with that joke aside, you know, it is a skill set. And once you do enough reps, once you practice it, it's pretty easy to master it once you understand it. So, again, just because you're good at rugby, it doesn't mean you're going to be good with girls in any way whatsoever. And you would be surprised at how many insecurities very successful men have, like, you know, I get to work with men one on one, and I get to hear about what they're suffering with. And if you listeners think that you're just the one guy who suffers with XYZ insecurity, I can guarantee you even the guys who are seemingly so good looking successful, and just crushing in life, you'd be surprised that they to even have insecurities. And that gives us a little bit of comfort, you know, you're not alone. In this battle, there's other brothers fighting shoulder to shoulder with you in the trenches. And you know, you can fix this part of your life, that's really the message that I want to give and that and that's by questioning your thoughts. Don't believe everything you think i think that's pretty much the core message of today's episode, to think as well. So I'm just thinking, like that movie hitch? Do you feel like it's always gonna, you know, you could win, say, when looking at it, but you could get any girl you want. But then obviously, you know, because you're helping people become and the reason why I say this is, you know, there's probably people going well, that's a bit manipulative, and, you know, what if you end up with the wrong person, but I think because you're changing belief systems, and you're making men self aware, at the same time, they're gonna probably be more open and communicate better if it isn't the right fit. Is that sort of what you say as well? Or is it you know, people can obviously use it however they however they like. So if if you think that sounds too good to be true, is that your belief system, your dad's your mom's? That's the first thing I would say. Yeah. And I understand it may seem too good to be true. And if I'm understanding your question correctly, are you saying, are we as men who get good at this skill set able to attract anybody? Or does the variable of being compatible with somebody play into it? Is that your question? Yes. Correct. Yeah, yeah. Oh, definitely. So you know, I always say, from quantity comes quality, which means we have to date and talk to lots of different girls before we pick our queen. And, you know, I ran through God, I don't even know how many dates and girlfriends and things before I found my queen and I do live with her. Now I am in a committed relationship, we have a kid together. So I'm not just a player out there playing the field, I do still go out and speak to women, because it's my job as a dating coach to keep my chops up. But we have certain rules in place that I don't go over because I have more honour than a phalanx of Spartans. So basically, yeah, man, compatibility is hugely important. But if you don't have the skill set to attract that girl, then you're not going to get her just because you guys click because even if you click, and this is why guys get friendzone. It's basically a really amazing girl who they click with, who they're not attractive in the ways that she's looking for. So they get friendzone Oh, my god, you're my soulmate, but I don't want to have sex with you. I mean, how many of us have heard that, that's because they don't have the skill set. So yeah, compatibility is super important. You're not just going to go make any hot girl, your wife, you guys have to click. And that's not controllable. It's like a locking key. It just fits or it just doesn't. And that's why I always say fill the top of your pipeline with lots of different prospects. And the bottom will come the good ones, and then you can pick your queen from abundance. Yeah, that's awesome. It's interesting, that friendzone part, like I remember growing up, and you'd always say, and generally, it's a really nice guys that get friendzone because they're too afraid to make that first move or whatever. And time just passes by and then just say, our best mates now you're like, dude, you're the perfect opportunity, what have you done? It's like, waiting for the right time and say, well, as sort of tie it back in if you want something, you got to do things to change it if you want wealth, if you want. Love if you want last Dave and like you got to you got to go for it. You got to put yourself out there, you got to step into that fears and the unknown zone to to take the risks and get the feedback. Yeah, they're always waiting for the right time. And then the opportunity passes by. So you know, and if you're, if you're talking to four different girls, you're not going to be so worried that you're going to lose this one opportunity, this one possible golden opportunity. Now you have tonnes of opportunities. And if you miss this bus, you'll just take the next one. So that's why you know, in my coaching, particularly, I set up a lot of different ways to fill the top of your funnel with tonnes of birds so that the best ones come out the bottom and and therefore you don't have that scarcity mindset. You're not needy, which is extremely unattractive. to women, you don't try to pull her into the outcome you hope will manifest, but you just let it ride, you let it flow. And you know, having that abundance mindset is super important not only with women, but also money, success, life, life is abundant. It's meant to be abundant. So any scarcity mindset you have there is not enough of x, y, z is just an illusion. And once again, who gave you that illusion? Is it yours? Or is it your mom's, I think you'll find it's probably somebody else's. So drop it, kick it to the curb, it's not working for you life is abundant, think bigger, think bigger, that life can get so good. If you just change your thinking. 100%, even when you said so you can have four girls on the go. And it obviously allows you to not feel needy and various other things you can really just allow it to play out. And it brought something up for me to say where I was like, I felt guilty. You know, back in the day when I was single, like you had to be talking to one person at once. Because otherwise people thought you were a player or you weren't appreciating the person that you were talking to. But as you sort of really touched on this, like when you're getting to know people, you know, you need to hit it, it sounds bad. But it is a numbers game, right? Because you need to be finding those right people, if you spent six months trying to figure it out with one. And once again, obviously, there's different boundaries and expectations as those conversations go on. But like at the start, realistically, you know, it's you can talk to as many people as you want, you don't have to just get right, when a great discussion, he or she could be the one. So it will Yeah, you see how much further forward it goes because you might get friendzone, or you might find out that she's not compatible for you. Or you might just get bored or life gets busy. There's so many things that happened. To your point to you know, I'm not suggesting having sex with all four girls. And in my opinion, it's okay to talk to four different girls at once just be texting, you know, maybe go on some dates. But for me, just the way I ran my programme, when I started having sex with one, I wouldn't be having sex with multiple girls. That was always the way I kind of felt morally, okay to be dating multiple girls at once. And also when they ask you, are you sleeping with somebody else? You're like, no. And then she's like, Are you talking to somebody else? You say? Yeah. And usually that's not enough for her to break up with you over. And I think it's the morally right way to do it. Just my personal opinion. Certainly, you know, I have clients that that run a harem, pretty much. And I do teach guys to do that if they want to do that. But for me, just being kind to women, loving women respecting them. They're people too, obviously. And I absolutely love women. And that's something that guys should do too. Otherwise, they will feel it from you, and they won't get attracted to you because of it. So you know, I always think being a good dude means doing what's right now, how do you know what's right? Well, it's very simple, is what I'm doing creating suffering for another person? If it is, it's not right. If it isn't, then it is okay to do just my opinion about what's right and wrong. I love that. I think that's fantastic. And I think the biggest thing I took from that as I honesty, if we morally right and honesty, I think a lot of us from my experience and growing up with men that I work with is we aren't honest, like a lot of us would rather just have a while manipulate, to not have to deal with what's in front of us. And going back to what you said earlier, if you take the easy road, life's hard and if you do the hard stuff, life becomes easy. And you know, just tell your current reality if you are speaking to multiple people, then that's it because it's gonna help people know where you're at and you have to have the next conversations that need to be had or changed change certain things in your life to get towards that outcome that you're looking to achieve. Otherwise, it's just constantly you know, living in fear or you suffer the truth might come out and it's not a fun place to be you start getting more angry, you know, you create more anxiety in your life and overwhelm and you get a brick thrown through your window. Oh, I have brother I have a stalker. We I call him stalker Texas Ranger, which is a TV show over here. Walker, Texas Ranger. I'm like you're not a stalker Texas Ranger, are you I'll tell you what, bro. Like when you get them deep enough in their emotions, bricks start getting thrown. So be careful who you show where you live. When you start dating multiple girls whole different problem that comes from you know having sexual choice but worth it in my opinion, because then you can pick the best one for you a girl you really click with. And for me, man, you know, I asked myself do I want to get to the end of my life? Be on my deathbed and look back with regrets. Look over at my fat wife who couldn't fit into a canoe without capsizing it and asked myself was this the life that I wanted to have and that that visualisation was hell on me? I said, Hell No, dude, I am going to kick ass in this in this life. I'm going to get the best girl for me. And you know, I have her now and it was worth it. It was completely worth it. I'll tell you. The ramp up to getting her was pretty damn fun too. So it's a challenge. You have to go into your fears. It's not easy. But is it worth it? Hell? Yes. Hell yes, definitely self improvement is worth it. You guys wouldn't be listening by now. Unless you agreed with that. So you're definitely on the right track 100% everyone who's, who's tuning in already made that first step. So we got one last question for you. Mark, what is your definition of being a man I love getting, I guess the context around it is understanding, obviously, in Australia, and I would imagine in America, there's a societal norm, or a generalised stereotype of what a man is. And obviously, you would definitely know were also unique. And that can vary from person to person. So I'd love for someone to connect with your definition. And, you know, share that with us. Man, it's so hard to sum that up. In one statement, there's so many statements that flew through my brain and admittedly, I was caught a bit off guard with that question, but I would say a man does what he has to do not always what he wants to do. All of that. ad is incredible. I love it. I love it. Well answered. And I never tell anyone, I almost I feel great to be fair. Every time I tell someone that I'm like, I feel so guilty for throwing it on people. But also I love the rawness of it non preparedness is it's authentic. And finally, Mark, where can everyone find you? Right? I know a lot of people are going to be sitting there probably taking tonnes of notes and shaking their head nodding their head down. This is just incredible. And you know, maybe this is the area they need to improve upon. Where can people find you? Obviously, you've got the podcast, you've got Instagram, can you tell us all the links and all you know, make sure they're all attached in the show notes. So everyone listening, all you need to do is swipe down and click the button and away you go. I appreciate that brother. So yeah, I oftentimes just request people to listen to my podcast first. Certainly, I wouldn't expect you to get on a coaching call with me unless you've had some experience with me. And also with NLP, it's best that your subconscious mind is in some rapport with me. So I would suggest listening to several episodes first before anything like that is done. So it's called the unapologetic man podcast. It is all the available in Australia. And if you can spell unapologetic then you have every right to the gold that I dropped on that podcast. So I would love to have you guys I love the Aussies. Oh my god, I get I still get reviews from Australia. And they're my favourite man. Just something about you guys. It just seems like there's such a light hearted nature to you. And maybe I'm misinterpreting maybe a lot of you guys are like what the hell you don't understand us at all, but light hearted, fun loving, lovers of life is the way I think about my Ozzy listeners and my Aussie clients who I occasionally get. And I was so stoked to come on this podcast because I know you're quite big in Australia. So we'd love to have you guys listen would be honoured. And then you know, if you want to jump on a free consultation with me, I talked about in the podcast, I'll just let the podcast explain to you the unapologetic man podcast with Mark saying, awesome, that's in the show notes. But, Mark, thank you so much for your time. And I know you know you've got such a wealth of knowledge and we only just scratched the surface but i've you know, on the iPad, I can't say even a page anymore because it just keeps going but I've got tonnes of notes that I look forward to re listening to this episode and you know, asking myself some of the questions that you threw out and some of that sort of stuff. So I'm excited to get stuck into that. But once again, thank you so much and I look forward to following the rest of your journey. Thank you so much for having me brother. I really appreciate it. Thanks everyone for tuning in. Remember to hit the subscribe button and share it on social media to go in the chance to win a one on one coaching session with me remember, it doesn't matter where in the world you are. So thank you for your time. And remember to check out some of the older episodes and get ready and excited for some new episodes coming through.